NewChapter Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Okay I will try to make a very long story short. I am coming out of a bad marriage and am so out of touch with dating. I honestly wasn't even thinking about dating, but a friend / acquaintance reached out to me and things took off from there. He is also coming out of very painful marriage and can tell he is still very guarded. There was definitely instant chemistry between us (so I thought) and we went out about 5 times. We did start sleeping together after our 3rd time together and it was great. However, I slowly started to sense that things started changing so I sent him an email just try to figure out where his thoughts were. Throughout our time together he made a few comments about this could be a rebound for me, that I am too beautiful for him, that I had really only been with one guy (my husband) for 15 years. So basically I asked him if he was just looking for a "friends with benefits" thing or did he actually some sort of attraction / feelings for me. I asked him if he was concerned about something in my situation (i.e., young kids, the fact that he knows my soon to be ex-husband, thinking this was a rebound for me, etc...). Or did we have simply have a good time, but that feelings weren't progressing on his side. I told him that was okay if that was the case, as I can't change that. I told him I didn't need to define our relationship at this point or need a commitment, just wanted to know where he was. Basically, I got a very short response back that he didn't know what to say. That we should take a break and that it is him and not me. That his soon to be ex-wife really messed him up. That I was beautiful and could do better than him. That was it! I felt like he didn't answer any of my questions. He texted me a day later and said that he was sorry that he hasn't contacted me but that he didn't want to hurt me. He said that he wasn't ready for one girl in his life. He said that he will always be my friend. I then told him that was fine, but just wasn't sure whether there was an attraction there or not. He said that there was definitely an attraction there, but that I needed to see what is out there and so did he. Then proceeded to say that he didn't know "what" he wanted and that being friends was all he could do. He also told me that he was going out with another girl the next day. We have communicated via text periodically, but all very friendly and casual. I guess I am confused as to whether he is "just not into me" or is just being guarded based on both of our situations. I am just confused that he we need to take a break, but yet he is attracted to me. I would rather him just tell me that he is not interested in me. I can deal with that. I am just hurt because I was so not ready to date, but I I took a chance and went there! Now this. Any thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
Kampo Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I think he is protecting you from a bad rebound situation so I think he did the right thing. he was ethier into you and knew it was going to be a rebound if you guys became more involved, or just wanted a FWB situation but senced you may get attached. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 he told you he didn't want a relationship. he was polite enough not to say "i just wanted to get laid, but i'm not interested in someone with kids", but odds are, that's what he was really thinking the whole time. welcome to the dating world. that's how it is. everyone has different motivations and desires. people with lesser expectations tend to get what they want. people with high expectations don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Jazzari Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I think he was honest with you. He is attracted but he just left an unhappy marriage and he wants to date around before getting serious again. He feels that you should do the same. Just bad timing. Link to post Share on other sites
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