iris219 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 What’s the best way to tell someone you aren’t interested in a relationship with them? I’d prefer to do it in a way that would allow us to remain friends. (I know a lot of you will say this isn’t possible, but I’m hoping it is because we were friends previously. This why I'm concerned with doing it the best way possible.) I also don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like he did something wrong. I’m thinking of keeping it simple and saying, “I think we should just be friends.” Is that too generic? Condescending? Or maybe “I don’t see us having long-term relationship potential.” If you had to hear this, how would you prefer to hear it? We’re supposed to hang out on Wednesday. Should I tell him before or wait until we get together on Wednesday? Suggestions? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 "I'm flattered that you view me this way, but I don't see a relationship in our future. I know you'll respect this decision, and I hope we can be friends." That's worked for me in the past. Though I will say it's a rare guy who will stick around for the "just friends" part. It certainly happens, but it depends on a variety of factors. Just be prepared to have him say "Oh, yeah, sure, friends is great" and then never hear from him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I would just appreciate flat out honesty. If someone doesn't feel the same for me, I hope they will tell me. Soon as the truth is told, it's much easier to move on without wondering "what did I do wrong, etc?" Link to post Share on other sites
Sabali Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 The less you say, the better. Don't drag it out. "I don't think this will work. Sorry." Don't slap him in the face with the lets be friends speech or its-not-you-it's me stuff. If friendship can happen, it will. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 What’s the best way to tell someone you aren’t interested in a relationship with them? I’d prefer to do it in a way that would allow us to remain friends. (I know a lot of you will say this isn’t possible, but I’m hoping it is because we were friends previously. This why I'm concerned with doing it the best way possible.) I also don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like he did something wrong. I’m thinking of keeping it simple and saying, “I think we should just be friends.” Is that too generic? Condescending? Or maybe “I don’t see us having long-term relationship potential.” If you had to hear this, how would you prefer to hear it? We’re supposed to hang out on Wednesday. Should I tell him before or wait until we get together on Wednesday? Suggestions? Thanks! If the person is really into you, please do not put the "friendship" line out there. That's not fair to them. IF a friendship is going to happen at some point in the time in the future, it has to be on their terms and time frame. Anyway, just be honest and tell the person that you like them but not in 'that' way. Make sure they understand that they didn't do anything wrong, you just don't feel it on a romantic level. No need to go into huge amounts of detail either. Quick, honest and to the point. Link to post Share on other sites
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I can see leaving the friends part out of it. And it does have to happen on their terms - once you reject, let them drive the friend bus, as it were. And if, for some reason (I never get why people do this) he asks "Why?" don't go there. There's nothing you can say that will make him "Oh, ok, that makes sense." And anything you DO say will be burned into his brain forever and he won't receive it the way you intend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iris219 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 So the friends part should be left out? I really like that part. It makes it easier to say. I guess because it doesn’t feel like I’m totally rejecting him, so I feel better about it (selfish, I know). And it gives a reason at the same time--because I like you as a friend, not a BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Sabali Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Trust me, leave it o-u-t out. Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 What’s the best way to tell someone you aren’t interested in a relationship with them? I’d prefer to do it in a way that would allow us to remain friends. (I know a lot of you will say this isn’t possible, but I’m hoping it is because we were friends previously. This why I'm concerned with doing it the best way possible.) I also don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like he did something wrong. I’m thinking of keeping it simple and saying, “I think we should just be friends.” Is that too generic? Condescending? Or maybe “I don’t see us having long-term relationship potential.” If you had to hear this, how would you prefer to hear it? We’re supposed to hang out on Wednesday. Should I tell him before or wait until we get together on Wednesday? Suggestions? Thanks! Some people understand it the nice way, with others you have to yell 'fúck off' at them until they understand. But you probably shouldn't hang out with someone who's romanticly interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
SxB Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) "I really like that part. It makes it easier to say. I guess because it doesn’t feel like I’m totally rejecting him, so I feel better about it (selfish, I know). And it gives a reason at the same time--because I like you as a friend, not a BF." He isn't your friend anymore- he is some WHO LIKES YOU. That's not going to change. If he stayed near you it would BOTHER him to all sh*it, do you want to bother your friend on account of your own Need to have whatever it is you still Need from him and entirely discard his feelings for you? Is it worth hurting your "friend"..that you apparently care about? It's up to you. But if you're that concerned about being "selfish" I just mentioned a way you can be SELFLESS. Edited May 16, 2011 by SxB Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I far prefer the women who say 'I don't find you attractive' or 'I don't feel that way about you'. Clear, direct, painful (for me, anyway) and it generally cures me of any attraction I might have had prior. Then, with a clear mind, I can analyze if indeed the woman has the mettle to become what I consider a true friend. Few have passed. Life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 What’s the best way to tell someone you aren’t interested in a relationship with them? Tell him you're keen to settle down with somebody and get married, and that you can tell he's a devil-may-care rogue who would be impossible to domesticate. That's what you call a sh*t sandwich with so much sugar in it that he'll think he's eating Nutella. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 In my generation, in my 50's, it's easy enough to say 'ooo, I loved being marrieeed!' and the ladies just scatter. Self-rejection. Works wonders I guess those words elicit an emotional memory of the child-man they were once married to and deign to ever pick up his underwear again. It all works out. My prior post spoke to the past, when the ladies were busy rejecting me. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Tell him you're keen to settle down with somebody and get married, and that you can tell he's a devil-may-care rogue who would be impossible to domesticate. That's what you call a sh*t sandwich with so much sugar in it that he'll think he's eating Nutella. Love this. :lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) So the friends part should be left out? I really like that part. It makes it easier to say. I guess because it doesn’t feel like I’m totally rejecting him, so I feel better about it (selfish, I know). And it gives a reason at the same time--because I like you as a friend, not a BF. as you said, easier for you, not for him. you are rejecting him. you can't reject someone without rejecting them. Edited May 16, 2011 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Taylor Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Just blunt and to the point. None of this beating around the bush BS. 1)I'll call you out on it and 2)I'll lose all respect for you. lie and tell em you are in a relationship That's fine and dandy until your lie is exposed. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts