She doesn't like me like she thought she did

[Yingo sensei]

I have known this girl for 3 years and we were great friends during that time. We both had the same friends and hung out in the same group at school. Starting a year ago she started liking me a lot but i didn't know about 3 months ago when we started mutually asking each other to hang. I sorted through my feels and decided that i really liked her too and after 3ish weeks our relationship became official when she asked me if i would go out with her and that's when we started holding hands. She was so ecstatic about finally going out with me and i was excited too. This was my first relationship and her's too so we took it slow. In the beginning we really clicked. We would often say the same things at the same time while watching movies. We went to prom together and had a great time I let her make the moves, she kissed me first, on the cheek then the week after on the lips. When she kissed me the first time it kind of turned into a mini make out session. She always said she had a great time with me and we would set up more dates.

 

But then her schedule started to become busier and busier, i could tell she was in a lot of stress and had very limited time. Things between us started to calm but we would still embrace, kiss, and tell each other we love each other. I would tell her how much i can't wait until summer so we could go out a lot more. She even sent me a long text telling me how much of a wonderful boyfriend i was and that she couldn't wait until the craziness ended so we could be together more and she ended it with "I love you:)"

 

Things just got worse, her schedule continued to fill up with AP classes, AP tests, and the ACT but we were both still looking forward to summer. Her stress level continued to rapidly increase like crazy from the work. We continued to spend at least once a week with each other if only a few hours and we continued to hug very meaningful, kiss, say we love each other. But 3 weeks before she broke up with me i could feel her being very distant and pushing me away. In public any time i would try to tickle her, poke her, or hold her hand she would pull away. She even said once in a semi loud voice that she didn't like to be tickled or poked even though we did it all the time before. I confronted it once and she said something like "sorry i snapped, u can do those things, i don't mind if it's u doing it" and she was stroking my hair while she said it. We continued to be intimate when we were alone, even more then before. But in public she stopped holding my hand.

 

Then she said she needed to talk to me and that's when she broke up with me. The brake up was not a clean brake at all, she sounded very uncertain when she told me. She said she likes being by herself, i told her it is ok for her to feel like she needs alone time but i think she really thought that she thought that she was in the wrong for feeling like that because i always wanted to be with her. She then said she does not like me like she thought she liked me, which really confused me. She said she wanted to make the relationship work, which makes me think she really does like me, but no matter how much she tried she said she couldn't make it work, she said couldn't force herself to like me. She basically said every time she said she loved me she had to force herself to and every time we kissed or hugged intimately was a lie. She told me that she did not want me to feel like she led me on but if what she said is true then it can't be anything else. She also said that her summer was going to be busy. She said that our friendship was worth way more then the relationship she couldn't make work and that she wanted to go back to being friends. She said " you really are a great guy, but i cant make it work", she used a very loving voice and eyes when she said it, i just cant believe what she said. She was also like "It is not you with the problem, you haven't done anything wrong, i am the one with the problem, i am just weird like this. Maybe i am not ready for a relationship." I then asked if when she is ready to date if she would like to go back out with me, her response was "I don't know, maybe." I told her that i don't feel like i can be with anyone else and that i will wait for her if she really is not ready. She said "That's sweet (using that loving voice again) but i don't know when i will be ready and i don't want you to wait through all of high school for me." She then had to go tutor some kids, i know that is true because i walked with her to the classroom.

During the entire conversation she continuously said she is sorry, like 100 times, and that she knows how much she hurt me. The whole conversation really confused me and she wont talk about it again with me, or anyone for that matter.

 

I think she didn't want to hurt me by keeping a relationship where we would have no time together so she ended it. I feel like i can't believe anything she said, i don't know what is true and what is not. I think she still likes me but that the stress and time restraint are what caused her to feel like she doesn't. Even though she said that she doesn't like me like she thought she did, i can't help remembering every time we were intimate. And its not like she looked unhappy when we were together, she looked completely happy, she would giggle pleasantly when i would initiate a kissing session. Even during the time when she was pushing me away she would still tell me she loves me and how she has so much fun with me. Even like 5 days before she broke up with me she still looked so happy when we kissed. I told her that i don't think we can go back to being friends until we get to talk about it again but she still wont. I talked to 3 of our best friends, all girls, about it and she wont even open up to them about it, actually she never talked about us with them.

 

I really want to be her boyfriend but i don't know what to do or to say. I was thinking about denying her the satisfaction of being friends and telling her that i am either her boyfriend or nothing at all because i can't stand the pain but we have all the same friends and i don't want to ignore all of them too.

 

What should i do?

 

I think that's everything but i probably left somethings out.

[iJester]

I really want to be her boyfriend but i don't know what to do or to say. I was thinking about denying her the satisfaction of being friends and telling her that i am either her boyfriend or nothing at all because i can't stand the pain but we have all the same friends and i don't want to ignore all of them too.

 

Do this. You don't have to ignore your friends, just ignore her for a while. Maybe at some point you'll want to be friends again, maybe not, either way you won't have to deal with her.