Silent treatment

[HGP]

I haven't been on this site in a while but I know you guys are always helpful with stuff like this so I'm back! My story goes back to before Christmas. A newly single girl at work asked me out. She had been there for about a year and we'd always talk whenever I was on her floor, so we knew each other fairly well. I know office romances are a bad idea but at this point I was already looking for another job so I figured it was no big deal. Well things were going really well for a couple dates but then she said she wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to be single. It was a pretty honest conversation and it was implied that things could still happen at some point and that the ball was in her court.

 

After that she was still in really close contact with me. She'd always want to chat on Facebook, she'd text me a lot and want to hang out. I tried to keep my distance but we ended up getting pretty close. The last time we saw each other outside work I met a bunch of her friends and she told me she wanted to hang out more often. I didn't act on that hint and I'm not sure I really realized it, but I had got pretty attached to having her in my life. About 3 weeks ago I landed a new job about 1 1/2 hours from here. She wanted to take me out for a beer to congratulate me, something we haven't set up. After that I've barely heard from her. She doesn't reply when I IM her on Facebook and she even disappears when I log on. That's never happened before. I talked to her on my last day about going out for that beer and she basically gave me a long line of excuses and said maybe next week.

 

So between me leaving and her seemingly giving me the silent treatment, I'm suddenly realizing how much I don't want to lose her. I messaged her the other day saying I'll still be in town next week and we should go out for that beer, and that I hoped things hadn't changed since she said she wanted to hang out more. No contact since. It really seems like she's going out of her way to avoid me and basically pretending I don't exist. I don't think it's because of me moving. The only possible explanation is that she met someone else, and I've got to say if that's what's happening and this is the way she's handling it it's really a kick in the teeth. I'm not some random guy she just met at a bar, I think a little honesty is reasonable to expect. I feel like I've been led on for a long time.

 

Any ideas on how I should handle this? Ask her about it? Confront her? Forget her? Some romantic gesture that only works in movies? I know I'll probably forget her pretty fast once I've moved but that's no comfort now.

[Rinnix]

If shes lacking interest it's best just to move on. Don't beat yourself up for it.

The fact that she is avoiding you instead of being honest is just more reason to move along.

[ascendotum]

* and that the ball was in her court.

* I tried to keep my distance but we ended up

* I didn't act on that hint

* About 3 weeks ago I landed a new job about 1 1/2 hours from here

 

What about the possibilty that you did not take the initiative early on, and this was possibly bugging her a bit, and then when you land this new job way over the other side of town, further away from her, that possibly it killed off any thoughts of you getting together with her, in her mind.

As for asking her, well in your shoes I certainly would want to know whats up, but I dont know about asking her outright in a txt. Its a tad confrontational, and she is not responding to your friendly, (hey its business as usual) IMs/TXTs. Actually calling instead of just txting should make it easier to get some answers (even indirectly by her manner) via a conversation though. What about calling a mutual friend back at the coy you used to work for and asking them about her.

Edited May 12, 2011 by ascendotum

[TokyoG33kyGal]

newly single girl...is not ready to be in a relationship and wants to remain single

 

that is your answer. she may have gotten back with the ex.

[HGP]

* and that the ball was in her court.

* I tried to keep my distance but we ended up

* I didn't act on that hint

* About 3 weeks ago I landed a new job about 1 1/2 hours from here

 

What about the possibilty that you did not take the initiative early on, and this was possibly bugging her a bit, and then when you land this new job way over the other side of town, further away from her, that possibly it killed off any thoughts of you getting together with her, in her mind.

Yup, the thought had occurred to me - I've missed opportunities before because I didn't take initiative. Anyway we were going to go out for that beer but she cancelled because of a headache or something. So I sent her a message (no not a text) asking what's up and letting her know I was still interested. She said she still wasn't ready for dating. She still hasn't been talking to me much lately so I'm just going to assume that it's never going to happen....but at least now she knows what's up.