uplatethinking Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I've been with my girlfriend for over 8 months now and everything has been pretty much great ever since. A few weekends ago, she went out drinking with some friends and ended up giving her number to a guy she met at the bar... a mutual friend of one her girl friends. That night we had plans of meeting up and she suddenly became adamant that she wanted to see me the next day because she was real drunk. Anyhow, the guy called her and I was there when she got the call, she ignored it, then checked the vm in the bathroom and confessed to giving him her number etc. She said it was a big mistake and she was pisdrunk and yatayatayata. She cried, and said it was a huge mistake. Told me she loved me and she only wanted to be with me. She is a really great girl for as long as I've known her, but, she does get flirtatious when she is really drunk. I''m just wondering if I should chalk this up to drunk bad decision making, blackout bad behavior, or if it is something to be really concerned over and possibly split because of. I really care about her and i love spending time with her, but I am worried this is a red flag for a "she f*cked me over" scenario in the future. She said she called the guy and told him to never call her again and that it was a big mistake. What should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 She should've just answered the guy's call and told him that in FRONT of you. Do it to her, she how she likes it...Typical woman, "I was drunk" Just go on and watch for any further red flags, I guess... I would think she would want to hang with YOU at the bar vs "single" at the bar... Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Sounds to me like she made a drunken mistake and now regrets it. You can either harbour this grudge and let it destroy what you have, or accept her apologies and move on. We're all only human and we make mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Sabali Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Forgive her. She seems very apologetic, admitted the truth to you and otherwise has been great in the relationship. Let this one go but let her know that you won't tolerate $h!t like this again for whatever reason. Make it clear that you are simply giving her another chance because she seems very regretful and came forth with it immediately. You want to encourage great relationship values in a person such as honesty and being open. If a person is always punished for doing the right things such as being open, this will only discourage the desirable behavior in the future. I can tell you that this is very common behavior for "those" who drink frequently and go out. As far as relationships goes, I prefer women that don't drink much. Those that get "p!$$" drunk tend to be a bit more spicy. Edited May 10, 2011 by Sabali Link to post Share on other sites
chuckles11 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) This is a red flag OP. You now know(if you didn't already) that your girlfriend spends the night chatting up other guys when she is at the bar without you. I'd also be concerned that her excuse was that she was so drunk that she couldn't control herself. Really? She couldn't tell this guy she had a boyfriend or give him a fake number? How do you know there weren't any drunken make-out sessions? Seems like she was only honest with you about giving the guy her number because you happened to be there when he called. I do agree with the posters that say you should let it go until you know something more concrete.....but tread carefully. Edit: Also OP, I've never had a woman that I was in a relationship with tell me that they didn't want me around because they are really drunk. Usually, I got drunk dials telling me that they wished I was there. Just saying. Edited May 10, 2011 by chuckles11 Link to post Share on other sites
Sabali Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Edit: Also OP, I've never had a woman that I was in a relationship with tell me that they didn't want me around because they are really drunk. Usually, I got drunk dials telling me that they wished I was there. Just saying. Damn. I forgot all about that sentence while I was writing a response. Throw out my previous post. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I dunno, it seems sketch how she just unraveled about wanting to be with you. I mean, the way she "confessed" handing the number out, and how she acted about it - makes me think more went on then that. :/ Sketchy sketchy. Just keep your third eye open, something tells me this woman is bad news for ya OP. Link to post Share on other sites
sanskrit Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 This is a red flag OP. You now know(if you didn't already) that your girlfriend spends the night chatting up other guys when she is at the bar without you. I'd also be concerned that her excuse was that she was so drunk that she couldn't control herself. Really? She couldn't tell this guy she had a boyfriend or give him a fake number? How do you know there weren't any drunken make-out sessions? Seems like she was only honest with you about giving the guy her number because you happened to be there when he called. I do agree with the posters that say you should let it go until you know something more concrete.....but tread carefully. Edit: Also OP, I've never had a woman that I was in a relationship with tell me that they didn't want me around because they are really drunk. Usually, I got drunk dials telling me that they wished I was there. Just saying. Used to think the above was too harsh a stance, but after much experience with this kind of thing and women's immense and shameless powers of rationalization, it's spot on good advice, and a very accurate interpretation. Moreover, you have no idea what really went on, based on her reactions, IMO something physical likely happened between them, and it was likely witnessed, causing her to freak out so. This is a "give one pass" deal IMO, the sad thing is you will likely never know if/when it happens again, whether it has happened in the past, etc., and it will eat at you. Also, your GFs friend who introduced them should almost certainly be considered an enemy to you and to the relationship now. Watch that one like a hawk, as there is a fair chance she is actively trying to undermine your relationship. Based on personal experience with this exact same thing several times in life, in retrospect the types that do this sort of thing all turn out bad in the end. Maybe yours will be the exception. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I suspect that her giving out the number was just the cherry on top of all the other stuff that went down (excuse the bad pun). There was probably a lot of physical contact--dancing, arms around each other, kisses, even if only on the cheek. I say this because a bunch of times I've seen this sort of thing with women who have boyfriends, who get drunk. (And to be fair, I've seen guys in committed relationships do likewise with other women.) She and her friend were probably competing for this guy and got carried away. I'm not saying that necessarily she slept with him or anything. But don't believe that all that happened between her and this guy was an innocent conversation and then a number exchange. Instead, there is probably a lot of things that happened that night between her and that guy that you would not have liked. EDIT: Looks like sanskrit and I agree here. Edited May 10, 2011 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
sanskrit Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 On second more careful read, dump this one like a hot potato, she was setting up to cheat on you with that dude and had the gall to attempt to cancel plans with you to do it. Moreover, how do you know who this guy really is? It could be some guy she just met that night, or some guy she has been cheating on you with the whole time you've been dating. There is no way for you to know, and she sure as hell isn't going to tell you. Him: "Come over, I've got the place all for myself and you tonight." Her: "I can't tonight, supposed to meet uplatethinking out." Him: "C'mon, ditch that chump, daddy's waiting!" Her: "OK, let me see what I can do to get out of it." Remember this and burn it into your memory: Women will cry, for themselves, more loudly when they are caught redhanded, than they ever will cry sincerely for you or for your relationship. In other words, the more noise they make, the worse the truth of the chicanery they were planning/doing when you caught them is. And another thing, when a woman (could be your GF of 8 months or your wife of 40 years) attempts to cancel plans with you at the last minute while out, unless she is headed to the emergency room and you can verify it, the odds of there being another dude involved are very high. Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I dunno y so many guys accept the "I was drunk" excuse when women "make mistakes" I dunno about you guys, but from what I know about alcohol, it just makes you more of what you are. If you're normally light-hearted and funny when sober, drinking will amplify that. If you are serious and/or depressed a lot, drinking will make that worse. If you are normally flirty and have promiscuous thoughts, then.. you get the idea. Alcohol or no alcohol, cheating should never be forgiven IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Taylor Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Alcohol is no excuse and you're well aware of what you're doing. Dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
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