I need assistance!

[gorosmash]

I've been friends with this girl for about a year now. I've had a crush on her ever since. We hit it off really well, she showed interest and flirted with me a lot. Around November time we gradually started texting each other every day and were pretty damn close to best friends. Towards December I told her how I really felt, how I had a romantic attraction towards her and that I was crazy over her. She told me that she also had an infatuation with me, which I sort of already knew, and we became a "thing". In February-March I guess our feelings peaked, she was pretty attached and clingy, we were like a honeymoon couple, we were almost inseparable. We did physical things almost every time we hung out and we both really enjoyed each other. We never argued, it was almost picture perfect the way things were. For the past three weeks she's been really annoyed with me even though I don't do anything at all, I've been the same and I treat her well. She's been easy to irritate and we've been arguing a lot because she's always looking for a fight. She says that she lost her feelings for me and then she put me in the "friendzone". I'm guessing that she got bored of me even though I was pretty spontaneous, I showed her affection, and I treated her well. I want her back! I don't know what to do. I've tried the no contact approach and told her that we should take a break, but she lasts maybe 12 hours before she wants to start texting me again, but as solely friends. I asked her if her feelings will ever come back and she said probably not. I've also noticed that she's stopped getting jealous, when before the mere mention of another girl's name would get her upset. But now, when I talk about other girls she actually encourages me pursuing other women. I don't know what to do, how do I win her back? I also fear that if I successfully break contact from her, when we start talking again she'll be completely convinced that I'm not for her and will still look at me as merely a friend.

[Professor X]

I also fear that if I successfully break contact from her, when we start talking again she'll be completely convinced that I'm not for her and will still look at me as merely a friend.

She already is.

I think she set her mind and that's it for you; So do yourself a favor and move on, and this time try the real NC - if she texts you - ignore it, calls you - ignore it, walks towards you - change your route, etc etc.

 

Maybe she'll realize how much she misses you, but I doubt..

[Sabali]

Move on. She found someone else. Don't try to rationalize why you think that she couldn't have possibly have found someone else. She has and now it is your turn.

 

No contact is your best option.

 

Period.

 

Staying up in her face is your worst option. Disappear and make like you never existed.

 

You won't do any of this so that is all I can say here besides this:

 

Good luck and just appreciate the experience. Some people are begging on their knees just to have what you had just once in their lives for even a brief moment. Sometimes these experiences lasts for years, sometimes months and sometimes weeks or days. Just enjoy them for what they were.

[gorosmash]

Is there really no other option? If I break all contact from her, I feel like the door to her heart will be completely closed. Like by staying her friend, my foot is still in the crack of the doorway to her heart and there's still a slight, slight chance of that door reopening for me or me being able to slip in through that small crack. And if I leave her life completely, then my foot will get out of that crack and the door will close forever. What will come out of completely breaking contact? I still sort of want to remain friends, but I'm not sure if it'll be too painful or not. I feel like there has to be a way to win her feelings back, if I wooed her once then I can woo her again, right?

[Professor X]

What will come out of completely breaking contact?

I don't know, hmm, you'll get your life back? your sanity back? you'll be able to find someone else.

 

I still sort of want to remain friends, but I'm not sure if it'll be too painful or not.

Let me stop you here and promise you it WILL be painful; I am 100% sure you won't want / be able to listen to her telling you about other men she's been with - you're just asking to suffer.

 

feel like there has to be a way to win her feelings back, if I wooed her once then I can woo her again, right?

No, I'm afraid it doesn't work like that.

You sometimes gotta face reality and accept the fact that the other person doesn't have the same feelings as you do, even if you did share a history together; I know it sucks, I've been there, it hurt me, a lot, I've tried everything, but to no avail.

 

So do yourself a favor and forget her; The sooner you forget about her the sooner you'll heal.

[gorosmash]

I don't want to lose my best friend and my lover at the same time :'(

[Sabali]

Is there really no other option? If I break all contact from her, I feel like the door to her heart will be completely closed.

 

 

These situations are the worst...

 

Dude, listen to me very closely. The door to her heart is closed! You think that you have your foot in there but you are looking at someone else's foot. Pack your bags and leave the premises before someone calls the police.

 

Your only hope in this situation is to not contact her anymore and ignore all future communication.

 

No, sticking around in any way will not work. It is the worst thing you can do. The worst.

 

Ok, forget it. I am going to switch things up on you just so you can see how this work and have some sort of reference for it for the rest of your life. I am going to tell you what you want to hear.

 

Write her a poem confessing your neverending love and place it in a nice gift basket. Ask the lady at the gift basket store for ideas. Get a dozen roses too. Surprise her with these gifts and tell her that she is the only girl for you and that you are not going to give up on her.

 

That's all I have.

[gorosmash]

I just thought of the best idea ever. I sneak into her bathroom, jizz on her tampons, she uses the tampon, and hopefully some of my sperm will enter her and impregnate her. She finds out she's pregnant with my baby and we'll be forced to share the rest of our lives with each other. Perfect, huh?

 

Haha just kidding. So she won't warm up to me at all? She's been starting the conversations with me every day and trying to keep me as her friend, but she's still flirtatious towards me. I'm so confused. If she doesn't harbor feelings anymore, why does she still attempt to chat me up and flirt? Also, she told me that she "doesn't want to like me anymore". I don't know if that changes the situation or your perspective of it all..

[Sabali]

Haha just kidding. So she won't warm up to me at all? She's been starting the conversations with me every day and trying to keep me as her friend, but she's still flirtatious towards me. I'm so confused. If she doesn't harbor feelings anymore, why does she still attempt to chat me up and flirt? Also, she told me that she "doesn't want to like me anymore". I don't know if that changes the situation or your perspective of it all..

 

Nothing else you could post besides that you completely made up your original post will change my perspective. It's time to screw your neighbor!

[gorosmash]

But my neighbor's fat. I feel like she's stifling her feelings and stopping herself from liking me because things were getting too serious or something.

[Sabali]

But my neighbor's fat. I feel like she's stifling her feelings and stopping herself from liking me because things were getting too serious or something.

 

Didn't I tell you not to rationalize? She has found someone else. Your thinking is what's going to screw you the most.

 

I have said all that I will say. Good luck and If the only neighbor that you have is the obese one then it's time to move!

[gorosmash]

Bump. Any other options at all?

[chuckles11]

Bump. Any other options at all?

 

Since you don't believe the posters here, what options do you think you can take that will help you win her back? If someone is annoyed by you, you need to break contact with that person. There is nothing that you can say or do for her that will change her mind. The only way she would possibly regain interest is if you went no contact, started seeing someone else, and she became jealous.

 

However, I don't even understand why you are trying to pursue a relationship with someone who you argue with all the time.

[lovingADove]

Emotionally, she is gone. Nothing you can really do here.

If she doesn't feel you, then you just need to move on.

I suspect, she has found something better. I hate to even say, she played you for a while, she kept you around until she could find something better.

Brother, just move on. Find yourself another woman, it won't be the end of the world, trust me.

The best way to get away from this is to find another woman to occupy your mind, otherwise, you will remain miserable.

Love is not a one way street, it is a two way street.

[Saketomi]

Time to move on my friend.

 

I've been there before and the only thing you will gain is more pain and suffering if you persist.

 

It probably feels like you will never find or care for another, but believe me you can.

 

If you continue to stay as friends you will only end up being her cuddle monkey. A male shoulder to cry on when things go bad with her latest.

 

You're young and have plenty more girls out there to meet. Don't waste time being hung up on this one cos you could be missing out on someone awesome who does want to be with you.

 

Good luck mate.

[thatdog]

If she isn't meant to be then GO NO CONTACT cos it's the only way you will be able to get over her and move on with your life.

 

if she IS mean to be with you then... GO NO CONTACT. she isn't ready to be with you now. she might never be ready to be with you. The best way to find out is to reset things as much as possible to how you got her in the first place. That means completely destroying the relationship you have not and starting from scratch. don't speak to her again until you are truly over her and what you had. Once you get to the point where you couldn't care less ironically thats the only time you might be able to truly get her back. Because when she sees you again she will jsut be 'another girl on the street' to you. Maybe the attraction will spark up again as you get to know one another or maybe it won't. If you really love her and think you should be together forever then what does waiting another year or two matter compared to the rest of your lives? If you just think she's an awesome chick who's a great shag then there a millions of other girls out there and you really have no reason to get so hung up over this one...

[Eddie Edirol]

Haha just kidding. So she won't warm up to me at all? She's been starting the conversations with me every day and trying to keep me as her friend, but she's still flirtatious towards me. I'm so confused. If she doesn't harbor feelings anymore, why does she still attempt to chat me up and flirt? Also, she told me that she "doesn't want to like me anymore". I don't know if that changes the situation or your perspective of it all..

 

She attempts to chat you up because the guy that she is going after no isnt bieng a friend, just a lover. So he gets to sleep with her, while you get to be the puppy dog that follows her around when she needs a self esteem boost - when the other guy blows her off. So in short, youre an emotional tampon now. Thats not attractive.

 

The only way to get her back is to let her SEE you with other women, and she sees that you dont need her. You also have to stop talking to her in text. You have to be unavailable. You arent attractive to her anymore when you need her after she doesnt need you. get it?

 

I don't want to lose my best friend and my lover at the same time :'(

 

You already did. She is long gone, and you push her further away by chasing her. Do not be her best friend anymore, she doesnt deserve it. That only makes her get over you faster.

 

Is there really no other option? If I break all contact from her, I feel like the door to her heart will be completely closed. Like by staying her friend, my foot is still in the crack of the doorway to her heart and there's still a slight, slight chance of that door reopening for me or me being able to slip in through that small crack. And if I leave her life completely, then my foot will get out of that crack and the door will close forever. What will come out of completely breaking contact? I still sort of want to remain friends, but I'm not sure if it'll be too painful or not. I feel like there has to be a way to win her feelings back, if I wooed her once then I can woo her again, right?

 

the door to her heart is already closed, youre just kicking it from the outside. She wont open it until you stop kicking. You cant slip through a crack, the door has to be opened for you.

 

What will come out of breaking contact? You dont know, you dont care. You find someone new, and you will DECIDE if you want to have a go again with her if she comes looking for you.

 

BTW when you wooed her he first time, she was open to wooing. You cant woo someone who doesnt want it at all. You have to make her curious about you, but that will never happen while youre chasing her, and while she is looking at other guys.

[Dust]

Did you ever kiss this girl? Did you guys have any kind of sex?

[gorosmash]

Did you ever kiss this girl? Did you guys have any kind of sex?

We kissed...a lot. And we restricted it to hand stuff.

 

If I go no contact is it extremely possible that she'll come around? Or will she only continue to pursue me strictly as a friend?

[sanskrit]

Lots of great advice in this thread. You got "upgraded" regardless of whether who her attention is on now is truly an upgrade, he is in her mind, and that's all that matters. You don't exist as a person to her, merely an attention supply when she feels iffy about the new guy's level of commitment to her. Just accept it for what it is and try to learn a lesson for your future dealings with women.

 

Her conduct has been repulsive both in that she has not been honest with you about her new interest, and that she continues to use you without a thought for your feelings. Fact is, in all likelihood, you were a placeholder for her all along while she looked for the upgrade. She will never be held accountable for this as you likely would by her circle of friends, family and others were the tables turned, again just a reality to live with. You are not alone, everyone has experienced what you are experiencing now, the first time is just the most painful. The good news is that you are inoculated and will learn a bit about how to avoid these types in the future.

 

Remember this mantra. "People of quality end their existing relationship before moving on to another. People of quality do not continue to use exes while the new relationship is stabilizing. My time is too precious to waste on people who are not quality." Repeat this to yourself until it sinks in and remember it for the future, as what seems like a setback in your life now is actually an opportunity for you to develop the skills and perception never to allow someone like this to affect you in the future.

 

Now, you are still blind to her ugliness, the next step for you is to move from the denial stage of grief, to the anger and eventually acceptance. You are in denial now, if you don't believe me, reread the entire thread composed of replies from people who have been in the exact same place and your refusal to listen to them. Google "stages of grief wiki" and read carefully.

 

NC is not for you to win her back, that's Hollywood BS, but to heal yourself and move on to other options, as a woman who behaves in this way would never have made a good longterm option for you. Once you fully realize this plain fact that is painfully obvious to all of us, just not yet to you, you will be on your way to better options. Best wishes.