ASDFJKL Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 I'm 14, and my boyfriend is 15. We've been the best of friends and have stayed together for nine months. We go to different schools but make it work by talking every day and seeing each other usually on Fridays and Saturdays. However, my mom does not know this. She thinks that we're just best friends. I don't think this really matters because we ARE best friends, and I will tell her what is real soon when the time is right... Now for the problem... My boyfriend got a lip piercing. I encouraged him to get it because I really like lip piercings. We were talking on the phone and he was telling me he almost wasn't going to get it because of my mom. He said he had a lot of respect for her. At the time he got it we had been broken up for a week or so (But still best friends and talked all the time), and he didn't care because he knew he wouldn't be seeing my mom as much. Now, we are back together of course. Anyway, he wanted me, my mom, and him to hang out today so we could talk. I warned my mom about the lip ring before hand, and she didn't make a big deal about it. Then, when we picked him up today, she saw him and didn't talk at all during the car ride. Instead of taking us out to dinner, she took us to Wendy's. I thought it was no problem. Later on, when she picked me up from his house, she completely flipped on me. She had already called my dad and completely flipped. She said that the lip ring was repulsive and that it was a poor reflection on someone's character. She said it was freaky. She also thought it indicated that his mom didn't care, which showed that he didn't have a very good family or upbringing, which means he obviously isn't a good person. She said that I was not going to be allowed to hang out with him anymore, and if I did it would be very little. She said it was embarrassing that I hung around with people like that all the time. And I do hang out with him all the time, and I think that bothers her because he is a guy for one, and she likes seeing me have other friends (which I do, and a lot of). Basically, she doesn't even know him. She knows he is a very nice and sweet kid, and that's about it. Isn't it wrong to judge a book by its cover? I need advice soon on how to get her to stop being so...ignorant. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 I have no idea as to how to stop your Mother from being so ignorant. It's rediculas for her to say it's a reflection on his character, he's the same person he was 5 minutes before he had it pierced. Some people are judgemental, talk to her about it and tell her how "wrong" it is to judge others by their looks, that it's a bad reflection of HER character. Link to post Share on other sites
novascade Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 though I don't like piercings myself , i,m not going to condemn somebody for it ,(basically don't judge till you know) I'll give you my opinion on it but not condemn talk to your boyfriend to maybe not wearing it around your mother, Link to post Share on other sites
Guidette82 Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Well, I can say I am in a predicament that is SOMEWHAT like yours...mine is a little more permanent....no, not a tattoo..a kid. I was TERRIFIED of telling my parents..finally the he said he didn't want it to be a secret anymore and that he really wanted me to tell them that he had a kid..I told them..they were NOT thrilled. The thing is, I love him too much to worry about it. I don't want to say "scr*w your parents" but in a way you have to. It's YOUR life. You have a right to live it how you want. A piercing is NOT something to dis-like someone over..neither is a kid. People make mistakes and people aren't always "like everyone else". You have to respect a person for who they are inside..not for what they wear outside! You need to sit down with your mom and tell her how you feel about him. Tell her a piercing is not something SHE prefers, but you aren't dating his piercing, you are dating him and you really care about him If she can't respect you being happy, then she doesn't respet you..at least that's how I feel in my situation. But I CAN say this..you ARE young and you may want to think about whether or not you are willing to risk her losing trust AND respect for you so soon. You don't want to lose your family....But TRUST ME..if you talk to her..it's ONLY a piercing..she SHOULD understand. GOOD LUCK! Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I don't think anyone should be judged by whether or not they have a piercing. But having said that, I do think 15 is too young to do something like that. When he's old enough to make those decisions for himself and not need his parents' permission, that's another thing. But that's really between him and his parents at this point. Secondly, I think kids at the age of 14 and 15 are too young to be "dating" or to be considered boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm sorry, and I know this advice won't be popular with you, but you need to stay "just friends" until you're older. The fact that you're afraid to tell your mother that you're more than friends shows that you know she wouldn't approve. As your parent, she has valid reasons for that. And if you and your male friend really do have a lot of respect for your mother (and yourselves) you will not sneak around behind her back or hide things from her. The best thing is to keep the lines of communication open between you and your parents. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ASDFJKL Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 A lot of good advice here, so thanks. I don't think we're too young. We have something on a different level that most kids our age who are dating don't have. We are best friends who tell each other everything. We are always there for each other and make good decisions. I just don't want to tell my mom because she wouldn't understand, and it would be much harder to see him, because she would be completely paranoid about what would be happening. And, honestly, she has nothing to worry about because we're good kids. I do plan on telling my parents eventually, though. At this point in my life everything is stressful...my parents are getting a divorce, I'm at a new school, everything is changing... I just don't want to make things more stressful for myself and for others right now. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 You definitely sound like a mature girl for your age. But I do wonder, what exactly is it beyond just "best friends" that makes your relationship one of boyfriend/girlfriend? What exactly is it that you don't want to tell your mom? Why not use us as a sounding board since we're not your mom and it can't stress us out? Sound like a deal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ASDFJKL Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 We're best friends that just happen to be attracted to each other in that way. Who says that a girl and a guy can't be best friends and be together at the same time? There isn't really anything I have to hide from anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Okay, a nose ring, earring, tattoo, name your adornment IS a reflection of a persons character. Otherwise, why do it? The question or problem is the way people interpret that reflection and that character. If your mother finds the lipring repulsive - that is her right -- it's repulsive to her and there is nothing wrong with that. Sounds like she is afraid of you growing up, and growing away from her. It also sounds like she is worried about your happiness. 14 & 15 is way too young to make a life-time commitment in a romantic relationship, and even a lot of good friendships don't last beyond highschool. If she is going through a divorce and a move and everything right now, and you consider yourself old enough to enter into an adult relationship, then you are old enough to consider your parents feelings, and what the stress of all these issues may be doing to her. Be considerate of her, be patient and maybe you could actually invite/arrange a dinner or something where your bf's parents can get together with your parents, or your mom anyway and she can get to know them a little and understand their reasoning for allowing their 15 y/o son to do this. By reaching out to your mom and asking her what you can do to help the situation and help her to be comfortable with your friends, short of terminating all friendships, you are behaving in a mature and considerate manner and your mom might respond a little better. Sometimes people just need a little time to get over the shock of something. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 30, 2003 Share Posted October 30, 2003 Originally posted by ASDFJKL I'm 14, and my boyfriend is 15. We've been the best of friends and have stayed together for nine months. We go to different schools but make it work by talking every day and seeing each other usually on Fridays and Saturdays. However, my mom does not know this. She thinks that we're just best friends. I don't think this really matters because we ARE best friends, and I will tell her what is real soon when the time is right... I guess this is the part of your initial post that bothered me. Why are you hiding this from your mom? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ASDFJKL Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 I'm hiding it so I can see him more often. If I said he was my boyfriend, then my mom would rarely let me see him, because she would think things and be uncomfortable with me hanging out with him, even though she would have absolutely nothing to worry about. I don't think that because we're young matters. Age is just a number, I like said. We are both very mature, and we've both been told that by adults many times. We don't have just some stupid kid relationship that doesn't mean anything, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
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