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Friend's ex...


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Old 25th October 2003, 2:49 AM   #1
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Friend's ex...

I've gone over this in my mind a few times since a few nights ago. I'll explain (sorry in advance if I'm a little long-winded)

I work overseas as a teacher in Japan. Here at our office, people come and go all the time. However, there are occasionally some people whose company I do enjoy, and one of them was a guy I met from Canada, where he returned almost three months ago now.

Anyway, over time, I got to know this guy. We didn't actually hang out together on our off days except a time or two, but we'd often talk, shoot the bull, go for a drink right after work. He's a cool guy and I was sorry he left. We've emailed each other a time or two since.

Here's the hard part. Before he left, he asked me to help teach English to his Japanese girlfriend (now presumably his ex-gf). He even told me before he left that "I feel better knowing I was able to do this for her (set her up with an English teacher). I'd been feeling guilty about leaving her. And, I've been thinking about this and I want you to know if something happens between you two and you hit it off, that's cool with me."

At the time, I wasn't really thinking about anything with her, so I said "Oh, well, no." (as in no I'm not going to pursue her).

Anyway, he left my life and she walked in.

Over the past month we've met each other once a week for about 90 minutes at a coffee shop, and I've helped her with her English. Then her father got sick recently and was admitted to the hospital. I honestly felt concerned for her and just checked in once in a while to see how she was. I knew she was stressed and I suggested that we go out and have a drink or two or do something to get her mind off of her father. So we met last Wednesday and went to a local bar/restaurant.

From the start, it felt a little strange, almost like a date - even though that's not what I had planned. We actually talked alot and had a good time. As we left, we hugged each other and said goodbye. No kissing or anything. Just smiles and a hug. But something tells me it's leading into something bigger than just smiles and a hug and I'd appreciate some advice. Women are more than welcome to contribute, but I'd espcially appreciate a tip or two from a fellow man on this one.

Does the guy rule apply here? What's the honorable course of action? I'll confess, I think I actually kinda dig this chick, but I don't want to feel like I'm giving someone the shaft. I know he said what he said, but do you suppose that was just him trying to sound gracious over a few beers?

Advice needed.
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Old 25th October 2003, 3:07 AM   #2
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I would ask her if they were still together.
It did sound like they were broken up but one really can't tell.
If she is,well he him self gave you the OK(like you needed his ok) and I think the beers were talking.
But if shes broken up ,she has no ties to him but friendship (if they even have that) so its really up to you if you want to pursue her.`If I was single and available I would.
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