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Going to a speed dating event any tips?


Mrlonelyone

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Mrlonelyone

I am planning on going to a speed dating event at a local LGBT community center. This event is for bisexuals if that matters. I know the way things are usually set up at these events the women stay in place and the men rotate from woman to woman. (Thus acting out the heterosexual and gender norms of society.)

 

I am not sure how this is going to work. Anway.

 

Has anyone male or female done one of these? What was it like and what advice do you have?

 

I am looking for advice from women on what their experience of this was like as well. It's likely that they will do something like randomly assign half of the participants to stay in place, and half to rotate from person to person. Or some combination of both. So my experience will be somewhere between the typical male and female experiences of heteronormative speed dating.

 

For those reasons any observations, comments or advice will be useful and appreciated. Thankyou. :)

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Mrlonelyone

No opinions or tips. :( No matter. I made a mistake on what day it would be on. It's not until tomorrow. :eek:

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I've done a speed dating thing a year or so ago.

 

Each person is given a "scorecard." All the men's names were on one card and all the woman's names were on another. If you thought the person you were talking to was a match you put an X in the box next to them.

 

If you said they were a match, and they said you were a match, then both of you will be contacted by the organizer with the contact info of that person. If you thought that a woman wasn't a match but she thought you were, you would never know about it.

 

My tip.

 

Check yes for every single woman except for the ones that you know are bad.

 

When I got the results, I received a grand total of zero matches. That meant that every girl I said yes to said no to me. Since at the time I didn't say yes to everybody, there may have been a woman that liked me, but I never knew about it. Saying yes to everybody, at least would have removed that doubt.

 

As for how to make a good impression and get dates. I obviously can't give advice there :cool:

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Mrlonelyone

@Alpha male.

 

The cost for this event is only $12. It can be this cheap since the LGBT community center is supported in part by charitable donations.

 

@sumdude.

 

So put and X for every man or woman who's not a definite 100%, red flag and flashing red light NO!!! (Remember it's bi)

 

That's probably a good strategy. It's not like once information has been exchanged I can just loose their contact info.

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Intricategirl

My advice?? Don't go. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you imply or say elsewhere that you do better getting to know people first and then pursuing them (I'm not being snarky- my brain is fried right now and I could be thinking of someone else). If so, speed dating sounds like it would be the absolute polar opposite of what you identify as working for you.

 

Barring that, it sounds like an odd question to ask, but is it a bi only event, or is it GLBT? I've seen many examples and have had many gay and bi friends comment on how poorly the bi community is treated within the gay community. If it's bi only- why not go. It's an evening out. If it's GLBT, prejudices may still abound. (Naturally, you may have had different experiences.)

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I did speed dating twice. Once for $5 at a hipster event, for people too ironic to date and the second was traditional speed dating for $30.

 

Both times it was horrible and traumatic. I ended up chit chatting more with people at the bar than at the tables. It felt empty because there was no time to really know someone. It felt like a game. But it was an interesting sociological experiment and as a psychology junkie, I found it a curious thing to see.

 

But I say you should go with zero expectations and enjoy it for something different. Also, since it's connected with the LGBT center, it will give you motivation to get more involved with the center. People who congregate there are possible friends and/or lovers.

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Mrlonelyone

@intricate...

 

Your right. I am doing it because my therapist suggested it. I want to be able to honestly say I tried it. Who knows perhaps I will meet someone nice there?

 

According to my therapist the advantage of an event like that is everyone knows what they are there for and are declaring that they are at least interested in dating and available to date. Where as with the get to know someone slowly approach... as we have discussed on LS... some people think of that as "dishonest" etc. (I can't understand that for the life of me.)

 

The Chicago LGBT community and in particular it's centers ... the center on halstead the one hosting this event... and the Howard Brown Health center are going out of their way to welcome all queer folk including bisexual and trans gender folk. (Both of which I am to one extent or the other).

 

So I'm not too afraid of prejudice. It's a Bi event... I am afraid it will have a imbalance of men to women.... making it less a bi event and more like a gay or straight event. Not that it matters to me.

 

What I am afraid of is being a relatively young person in a room full of people 10 to 15 years older. I think of speed dating as being something for 40 and 45 year olds.

 

@Cee

 

That's good advice. So I should go in not expecting to meet the person of my dreams or fall in love or even to like anyone there at all.

 

 

Check yes to everyone who's not a big "NO!" says sumdude.

Don't expect a whole lot says Cee.

 

Any other notes.

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I've not done speed dating, but my roommate did one when she was single. Everyone she met was a dud (though she did speed dating at a Star Wars convention, I don't know what she expected. :) I could've told her that! And I'm a nerd.)

 

I'd say just go into it with the right attitude. She still had fun with it, got lots of great stories from it, and was glad she did it. She didn't expect to meet the love of her life (but, hey, you never know?) or even get a date, and so when she didn't, she was fine, but she also didn't go in thinking it'd be tedious or a disaster. Just appreciate it for the wacky, fast-paced, meeting-people adventure it'll be and not with any "And then" expectations.

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Mutant Debutante

I've never tried it so I don't really have any useful advice, sorry. But good luck. I guess the best thing is to just try to have a good time and not get stressed out or take it too seriously.

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