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Emotional men vs Non-emotional men


Mangomonkey

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Mangomonkey

Which one is more accepted and why?

 

I have come to a point in my life where if i show certain emotions, particularly those involving pain or love, I would be shamed. For me personally I simply learned to shut up, keep it to myself and fix it or if it cant be fixed then leave it. It's actually a rule of life for me.

 

I had a few female friends tell me not to do that and its wrong but i can't help to think otherwise. At the same time I am being told to man up about things. I'm not going to change but i was just curious if I'm the only one who thinks this way.

 

I'm asking because I'm still trying to find a balance in that area. I remember a post by either woggle or untouchable fire. that one of them became ashamed for a time to really care for a woman because many times caring is viewed as a weakness on a man's part or something to be taken advantage of because the man himself is weak. Not always but more true than not.

 

I felt the same way. But it was only recently that i learned that it isn't truly a weakness. But it isnt a strength either. Things like that makes me have to ask.

 

 

What do you think of a man who is emotional vs non-emotional. And a side question for women. Which one's are you more fond of and which one's would you rather be with?

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TouchedByViolet

Non-emotional men are preferred over emotional men.

 

Women view a man's emotions as foreign, weak, and a sexual turn off.

 

Women want a man who is their rock. Women often misinterpret non-emotions as being grounded and confident. Ironically, a lack of emotions is a sign of apathy, ignorance and intolerance.

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Yet another example of how difficult dating life can be for men.

 

When I am dating a girl I am not in love with I naturally keep my defences up and quickly get labeled an uncaring bastard. My gfs always tell me they don't feel valued or that I should show my emotions more because it isn't healthy or they don't like that I'm so cold.

 

When I do realize I'm in love with a girl I start to let my emotional defences down. Then i'm a wuss and a weakling. 'it's harder to be attracted to a guy who shows his feelings' (I was actually told that by my current gf who also spent the first yr or so of our relationship constantly bugging me to express my feelings more because she felt uncomfortable around me).

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Yet another example of how difficult dating life can be for men.

 

When I am dating a girl I am not in love with I naturally keep my defences up and quickly get labeled an uncaring bastard. My gfs always tell me they don't feel valued or that I should show my emotions more because it isn't healthy or they don't like that I'm so cold.

 

When I do realize I'm in love with a girl I start to let my emotional defences down. Then i'm a wuss and a weakling. 'it's harder to be attracted to a guy who shows his feelings' (I was actually told that by my current gf who also spent the first yr or so of our relationship constantly bugging me to express my feelings more because she felt uncomfortable around me).

 

This is very true and they wonder why many men would rather just watch porn.

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Society expects men to be Spocks, emotionless creatures.

 

 

Hey guys, I'm loving the Darwinian wisdom emanating from your posts. I'm sure you guys also have Darwin's credentials to back up your claims.

 

By the way, have you guys figured out that there was such a thing as a male poet? That centuries ago, some bright-eyed lad was talking in verse to his girlfriend, and that, we as a society(globally or not), are far more in touch with our emotions and feelings than our forefathers were?

 

I think you guys are referring to whining. If you guys go around telling people that 'all women are shallow', that 'women are only interested in 20% of the male population', that 'women don't like sex', that all 'women want is men to pay for them', then yeah. You guys are criticized by society.

 

Because you guys are little girls, complaining about women instead of taking a good look at yourselves - which would result in you lot discovering that the problem is not in women.

 

Its in you.

 

You guys also think that women can't discern a sissy from a guy who gets the job done. Well, these endless threads of how 'women are all shallow' and so on, are more than ample proof.

 

Wait for it... it's coming.. oh my god...

 

Spock was as emotional as Kirk, he just wasn't manly enough to display his emotions, abiding to silly expectations from his alien heritage. You guys forget that he had a girlfriend? or that his father married the woman he wanted to marry, and not because of $ or political connections?

Edited by Mr.Cairo
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Mangomonkey

I was contemplating on adding this but i decided not to in my first post. When i say emotions. I actually mean EMOTIONS. But not to the extreme like mr cairo points out. and that is not where i was heading with the question.

 

If you yourself view emotions the same as being whiny Mr Cairo. Then hey. Awesome. And it seems like everyone else kinda feels the same also. then awesome as well.

 

Alot of the women i speak with always talk about getting married, having a family, and just wanting to find a man who loves them for them and not their bodies/money. There was one thing i always thought about. Since most women i come across always want something more and wants to be desired as a whole instead of parts. (body, money, personality alone, whatever)

 

Are there women who would desire and love a man the same way? My thing is why care for someone else if they don't care about you? I could get more generally with this but Ill keep it toward gender/dating.

 

I am in no way trying to start another gender war thread and if you take it that way then kick rocks.

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I was contemplating on adding this but i decided not to in my first post. When i say emotions. I actually mean EMOTIONS. But not to the extreme like mr cairo points out. and that is not where i was heading with the question.

 

If you yourself view emotions the same as being whiny Mr Cairo. Then hey. Awesome. And it seems like everyone else kinda feels the same also. then awesome as well.

 

Alot of the women i speak with always talk about getting married, having a family, and just wanting to find a man who loves them for them and not their bodies/money. There was one thing i always thought about. Since most women i come across always want something more and wants to be desired as a whole instead of parts. (body, money, personality alone, whatever)

 

Are there women who would desire and love a man the same way? My thing is why care for someone else if they don't care about you? I could get more generally with this but Ill keep it toward gender/dating.

 

I am in no way trying to start another gender war thread and if you take it that way then kick rocks.

 

What? I don't see emotions as being whiney. I'm latin. I come from a far more manly Country than these guys ,and at the age of 10 I was writing romantic poetry, and my father was giving it to his friend and sending it to poetry contests. I am far more emotional than most of the guys in the more feminized of Countries, but those emotions are positive, are real, they aren't emotional dejects like several of the posters(not saying you are one of them) who continuously claim that women are money-grabbers/only interested in 20 guys out of 100/ and that they are victims of society.

 

Doesn't hold water. Emotions and feelings, everyone has them and they are accepted in all Countries(except maybe in China and in the Middle East).

 

Why was Di Caprio so popular, and still is? Look at his movies. He's not exactly playing the role Van Damme typically plays, now was he?

 

So lets see. Di caprio looks very feminine. His movies are very emotional, very in tune with a woman's mind. Yet, he's one of the richest actors in the world, and Titanic was a tremendous box-office.

 

I'm sure Di Caprio would have been successful with women even if he didn't have the money he has. What gives? He's highly emotional and that pays off, as I can attest to that.

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I have come to the conclusion that when women talk about wanting men to be more sensitive and emotional they are really talking about being more sensitive to their (women's) emotions. Any time I've ever got really emotional with women and felt down or needy or whatever the look of seething contempt usually pulled me straigth out of it.

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threebyfate

Emotional control isn't just the provenance of men. Some women like myself also practice it. It doesn't mean we don't feel. It just means we're careful about who and how we extrovert our feelings, attempting to think before we act.

 

With the above in mind, my preference has always been stoic men since personal control is a value of mine.

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What? I don't see emotions as being whiney. I'm latin. I come from a far more manly Country than these guys ,and at the age of 10 I was writing romantic poetry, and my father was giving it to his friend and sending it to poetry contests. I am far more emotional than most of the guys in the more feminized of Countries, but those emotions are positive, are real, they aren't emotional dejects like several of the posters(not saying you are one of them) who continuously claim that women are money-grabbers/only interested in 20 guys out of 100/ and that they are victims of society.

 

Doesn't hold water. Emotions and feelings, everyone has them and they are accepted in all Countries(except maybe in China and in the Middle East).

 

Why was Di Caprio so popular, and still is? Look at his movies. He's not exactly playing the role Van Damme typically plays, now was he?

 

So lets see. Di caprio looks very feminine. His movies are very emotional, very in tune with a woman's mind. Yet, he's one of the richest actors in the world, and Titanic was a tremendous box-office.

 

I'm sure Di Caprio would have been successful with women even if he didn't have the money he has. What gives? He's highly emotional and that pays off, as I can attest to that.

 

What range of emotions does Di Caprio display and do you think if he displayed some of the emotions displayed by female actresses he'd be seen in the same light?

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I think you guys are referring to whining. If you guys go around telling people that 'all women are shallow', that 'women are only interested in 20% of the male population', that 'women don't like sex', that all 'women want is men to pay for them', then yeah. You guys are criticized by society.

 

 

Actually I know that's NOT what I'm talking about. Us guys generally come to forums like this one to whine about those problems. Usually we don't bring them up with our partnerss unless things are getting really bad.

 

I'll give you two specific examples of what I'm talking about.

 

my former ltr gf and I once watched a romantic movie together. In it there was a scene where the couple had an argument and he started to cry. My gf actually paused the movie to tell me. 'See, this is so romantic and exactly what women want. someone who is strong and stable who they feel can't be hurt by anything EXCEPT the woman they love.' we discussed it a bit and it actually made me feel more comfortable with ehr because I felt I had a green light to show my emotions more and I knew that really the only thing that could hurt me was her as we were in love.

A while later we have an argument and start to voice my feelings more. she tells me I am being weak and it's a turnoff. I point out that she had told me specifically that this is what she wanted to see of my feeling from this relationship. her answer 'yeah... well i guess. well idk maybe this feels different. just f%&*ng man up'.

 

My current gf has told me that she loves romance, thinks about it often. And when I don't do anything romantic for a while she notices and gets upset and will start to actively make suggesting of romantic things I can do for her. BUT when I AM romantic without prompting. 90% of the time she actually feels awkward and unhappy about the situation because it feels like her man is being too wussy.

 

Neither of these situations are about being whiny or controlling.

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People here tell me all the time to open up to my wife and I am so afraid to do it because I see what happens when men open up to women. Are there are any women here that can refute this and say this is not how they are?

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Alma Mobley

I don't care for men who pretend to have no emotions. It's a total turn off to me. I married a man who is not afraid to show his emotions or speak his mind. The only problem I have with an "emotional man" is if his emotions seem out of control. My husband feels the same way -- he doesn't want a woman with out-of-control emotions either, though I certainly had my moments when I was pregnant. (He forgave me.) :)

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What range of emotions does Di Caprio display and do you think if he displayed some of the emotions displayed by female actresses he'd be seen in the same light?

 

Go watch the movie Titanic to see what range of emotions Di Caprio display. Also watch the movie in which he plays the role of a French poet.

 

Do you know that guy, Zac effron or something? His latest movies have been about puppy love, a very sensible and emotional boy. He's still one of the most desirable young actors out there. The books from Sparks are also highly emotional and he sells so many of those movies.

 

The Twilight saga has two highly emotional characters and funnily enough, I remember reading something about teenager girls dumping their boyfriends because they wanted their guys to be more emotional like Edward.

 

Yes, there are plenty of adult women interested in the Twilight, The Chronicles of the Vampire(EXTREMELY emotional books, selling by the millions) books, the 'Dresden Files', and so on.

 

There's a reason for heartthrobs to be so in demand. You'll also notice that many of those heartthrobs were feminine in appearance or they were highly emotional.

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Feelin Frisky

First of all, everyone is emotional. Anything else is denial. But the issue comes down to whether ones emotions GOVERN HIM or is he able to govern his emotions to an acceptable degree. If one is governed by his emotions he will have problems in every phase of life--he won't be able to find reason that will put feelings in proportions. Splitting hairs about what is appropriate in the way of expressing emotion without addressing the fundamental of whether or not a person governs his emotions or is governed by them is an exercise in idle speculation. I think we all know the general rules of "image" and that there are times to express emotion and times to lead with detachment. Living those rules is another story--and that comes down to my initial assertion--are you someone whose feelings precede reason or do you have the precious capacity to suspend feelings until you reason what you are experiencing?

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Go watch the movie Titanic to see what range of emotions Di Caprio display. Also watch the movie in which he plays the role of a French poet.

 

Do you know that guy, Zac effron or something? His latest movies have been about puppy love, a very sensible and emotional boy. He's still one of the most desirable young actors out there. The books from Sparks are also highly emotional and he sells so many of those movies.

 

The Twilight saga has two highly emotional characters and funnily enough, I remember reading something about teenager girls dumping their boyfriends because they wanted their guys to be more emotional like Edward.

 

Yes, there are plenty of adult women interested in the Twilight, The Chronicles of the Vampire(EXTREMELY emotional books, selling by the millions) books, the 'Dresden Files', and so on.

 

There's a reason for heartthrobs to be so in demand. You'll also notice that many of those heartthrobs were feminine in appearance or they were highly emotional.

 

I think you're missing the point, of course there's male actors, artists, poets, songwriters etc too numerous to mention who've wrote love songs, painted works of art, sculpted masterpieces, wrote classics. However they come from a sense of emotional control, they have a stable inner base which allows them to express these things. This comes from the messages boys get very early on in life like "if you cry I'll show you something to cry about". Boys learn very quickly that nobody has much tolerance for their emotions so they learn how to master them and express them in socially approved ways.

 

How many movies have you seen where women talk to each other about their emotions and their husbands/boyfriends?

 

Now if these male actors where sitting around with other men talking about their emotions and their wives/girlfriends, handing around tissues, do you think they would be seen in the same light?

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threebyfate
People here tell me all the time to open up to my wife and I am so afraid to do it because I see what happens when men open up to women. Are there are any women here that can refute this and say this is not how they are?
Control it so it comes out rationally.

 

It's similar to watching a woman sob away uncontrollably. How do you discuss anything with someone who's out of control? Now if she sheds a few tears but is capable of having a discussion, this shouldn't be so difficult.

 

Or a man who's violently out of control so you feel threatened? Now if he were to tone it down to a reasonable level of anger, biting his words out but still in control, that's also not so difficult to handle.

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Mangomonkey
are you someone whose feelings precede reason or do you have the precious capacity to suspend feelings until you reason what you are experiencing?

 

If your asking me well im more the second. but also have a bit of the first mixed in. A weird mix but i lean toward reason above all.

 

and mr cairo. Sorry for the misunderstanding on my part

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Feelin Frisky
If your asking me well im more the second. but also have a bit of the first mixed in. A weird mix but i lean toward reason above all.

 

and mr cairo. Sorry for the misunderstanding on my part

 

Nah, my question was rhetorical and posed hypothetically toward anyone and everyone.

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skydiveaddict

 

But it was only recently that i learned that it isn't truly a weakness.

 

 

You are wrong. Show any emotional weakness (like sadness or crying) to a woman and you are toast.

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I've dated cold-fish types of men and I've dated more feely-types of men, and I much prefer the emotional ones. I think they can take a little longer to grow into their confidence and masculinity, though.

 

It's not about 'not having emotions,' it's about expressing them in an operatic or unstable way that's a turn-off.

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I am an emotionless man and women come away with the interpretation I am a serial killer. I am not sure that's helpful but women do seem to have a thing for criminals.

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Which one is more accepted and why?

 

neither. The man who will have the most success with women is the man who knows the right times to show emotions and when not to.

 

Like most things when it comes to dating, a healthy balance of both extremes is what makes someone the most successful.

 

For me personally, I have been both emotional and non-emotional at times and they have both helped me and have gone against me.

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Women want the excitement of the emotionless. A man who displays little feeling and is seemingly unshaken. They may cling to the adventure of having someone volitile around, until they themselves are recipients. Then it becomes like the "Stockholm Syndrome".

Meanwhile, the caring nice guy who shows emotions watches porn alone. Only after the woman realizes that many emotionless guys won't care for them (or her offspring) does she change her tune. In short, nice guys really do finish last.

The key is to be a nice guy but to pretend to be a total jerk. Not the other way around. It's a very difficult balance.

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