smartblonde Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 How do I know if I'm "settling" for a guy? I realize no one is perfect and that in all relationships, we have to take the good with the bad. But at what point does looking beyond their negative attributes and accepting them for who they are turn into settling? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 The moment you ask yourself, you are. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I consider settling being with someone you like but dont love just for the sake of beign with somebody Some people consider settling not being with a 10 or somebody making 6 figures Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 do you know what you want? if you don't, then start listing down the major traits you would want for a guy and your major deal breakers. if your current guy has more deal breakers than the major traits off your list, then you are settling. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I guess my answer would be: If you feel like you are. The concept of "settling" to me is all about feeling like you haven't really gotten what you want. Some people will never be happy because what they want is ridiculous. Rather than "settle" though, they should re-work what they want. I guess I figure a healthy person will never have to settle. What they want will be possible, and they will find a way to seek it out. I don't think looking beyond negative traits is "settling" unless the negative traits are very important to you. Nobody is perfect. Nobody has a happy relationship 100% of the time with no problems. We don't visualize our perfect mate and then will them into reality. We all have to work with the realities of the world, but make sure it's within your own boundaries, reasonable expectations, and goals for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Why do people on here ask these hypothetical questions. All they do is invite these pie-in-the-sky answers that probably have nothing to do with the OP's real reason for asking the question. To the OP: Why don't you actually explain your situation upfront, instead of dribbling it out bit by bit. Then you actually might get an answer worth a damn to you. Edited April 5, 2011 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 perhaps they already know the answer but they're making justifications that doing the opposite thing (as a resolution) is the best thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Re: hypothetical questions I would say that some people process information better with hypothetical questions and answers. I think I do. To me, it's more useful to take a hypothetical poll sometimes rather than get opinions on the various details of a situation (which are often hard to judge on LS anyway). I think both are valid approaches, depending on the goal, your type of mental processing, and what input you need at the time. Analytical people can get a lot from hypotheticals. Those who are more emotional would probably be better served to lay out the details of their situation. Everyone learns/processes/thinks differently. Just another view. I tend to learn more (because of my thinking style --- nothing else) when I read broader based threads/ask hypotheticals, so I can see why people do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Well this is the last thread by SB: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t266099/ I'm 90% sure she is asking about this guy. And if she is, how are the answers to her "hypothetical" situation going to help her in her specific situation? The details are going to come out anyway so she might as well just give them upfront instead of just wasting everyone's time writing irrelevant answers. Edited April 5, 2011 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smartblonde Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Wow Imajerk...do you not have anything better to do than search old posts? Since you asked, I got rid of that guy. But while I was with him, I had to decide if I was willing to put up with his drinking. I wasn't. So we broke up. So, I thought it best to decide BEFORE I enter into another relationship what I'm willing to accept in a guy and what I'm not willing to accept. Again, I appreciate that no one's perfect and that we have to learn to compromise on certain issues but I just wanted to know if there comes a point in relationship where I compromised so much that its turns into settling. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 SarcasticBlonde, your Japanese boyfriend being an alcoholic is a pretty crucial piece of information you left out of your other posts. Sigh, I feel bad for you, I really do. How are you holding up? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I think when you are settling, you just KNOW it. You'll probably ask youself "am I settling???" If you ask yourself the question, you probably are. I know I am right now- and I need to break up with him- I'm just trying to find the strength to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 (edited) Hey outta curiosity are you SarcasticBlonde? C'mon, you can tell me... Edited April 6, 2011 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
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