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Online dating - One big joke?


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As some of you may know, I started up an online dating profile again since becoming single. I met a few girls off this site a few years ago, including my last girlfriend of 2+ years, so I figure it'd be a good place to meet some girls and get some dates.

 

Since re-starting, here are my greatest "successes":

- First girl I was supposed to meet flaked, couldn't reach her because phone died. Found out that day she was in another city

- Met up with one girl for date. Went well, but never heard from her again

- Began messaging another girl on the site. Had a lot in common, really interesting. She gave me her email address. I emailed her and never heard back from her again

- Messaged by a girl, who eventually asked me out. Got sick before first date, had to reschedule. On the day of the date she never showed up and I couldn't get in touch with her

- I've been messaging a new girl now, a lot in common. I ask her out, she says sure. I ask for her number a week ago, and no response. Funny, though, because I keep seeing profile updates from her on the site's newsfeed, and she appears to be online quite a bit

 

 

 

My question is, do a lot of people take online dating as a joke? I see this more with women than men. I don't understand the point of setting up a profile, updating it regularly, getting in heavy contact with someone, and then just disappearing in the midst of messaging or flaking on dates. If you weren't interested in someone, wouldn't it make sense to just not respond to their initial email? A few years back when I set up my profile initially I never had any of these issues. Every person I got into heavy messaging with would keep messaging me, and every person I agreed to meet up with would meet up with me.

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- Began messaging another girl on the site. Had a lot in common, really interesting. She gave me her email address. I emailed her and never heard back from her again

 

I had this recently on a paid site... she had a subscription and we were talking on the site, then she said her subscription was about to expire so could we continue via email... so I emailed her and never heard from her again. If she was going to just disappear why bother giving me her email address?

 

In general, I'm not really sure if some people are treating online dating as a joke or if it's just that they find someone more interesting than me to talk to and date.

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My question is, do a lot of people take online dating as a joke? I see this more with women than men. I don't understand the point of setting up a profile, updating it regularly, getting in heavy contact with someone, and then just disappearing in the midst of messaging or flaking on dates. If you weren't interested in someone, wouldn't it make sense to just not respond to their initial email? A few years back when I set up my profile initially I never had any of these issues. Every person I got into heavy messaging with would keep messaging me, and every person I agreed to meet up with would meet up with me.

 

You have to remember that you're not the only one who is doing online dating. Nowadays, versus two years ago, online dating is a much more common and accepted way of meeting people to date. Therefore, the numbers of people will naturally rise. Add to the fact that there are generally more men than women who utilize online dating, and the numbers skew even more heavily towards a female-favored dating environment.

 

More than likely, the girls you are talking to are also talking to several other guys at the same time. If they decide that they like one guy more than the others, including yourself, then naturally they will stop corresponding with those others. Many people would rather avoid confrontation out of fear or just have a simple lack of manners and courtesy, so they just disappear without a trace.

 

The bottom line is, you just didn't make the cut with these women. So to answer your question, no, it's not necessarily one big joke.

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You have to remember that you're not the only one who is doing online dating. Nowadays, versus two years ago, online dating is a much more common and accepted way of meeting people to date. Therefore, the numbers of people will naturally rise. Add to the fact that there are generally more men than women who utilize online dating, and the numbers skew even more heavily towards a female-favored dating environment.

 

More than likely, the girls you are talking to are also talking to several other guys at the same time. If they decide that they like one guy more than the others, including yourself, then naturally they will stop corresponding with those others. Many people would rather avoid confrontation out of fear or just have a simple lack of manners and courtesy, so they just disappear without a trace.

 

The bottom line is, you just didn't make the cut with these women. So to answer your question, no, it's not necessarily one big joke.

 

Yeah, that does make sense. Online dating has become less of a taboo thing in recent years, and it's really expanded the opportunities for dating. And as such, I've heard women are constantly bombarded by messages from guys. I have very little success rate with returned messages, but considering the number of messages I've been told women receive vs. men, it's a miracle I hear from them at all. I have better luck meeting women in person, but I live in an area where there aren't many people in my age range, and I'm usually busy and it's hard for me to get out.

 

I've actually been observing my mom's dating habits recently, which was sort of a first-hand account of how women can view online dating as a joke. She has a profile on another dating site and for a while it seemed like she was having a date every week with a different guy each time. I can only assume she's been getting bombarded by messages and picks what she thinks are the best. Still, she always has something to complain about the guys she sees, and rarely goes on second dates with them. The complaints are usually over petty things, too, like the ties they wore or what they do for a living (If it's something "nerdy"). Online dating can seem like a novelty sometimes, and I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people view it that way. The nature of someone's profile or the way you meet them could make it seem like you're not on a "real" date. Honestly, I do the same kind of scrutiny, too. I'm pretty tall, and if I see a girl listed as below 5'6", no matter how attractive or awesome she seems in her profile, I just move on.

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Mrlonelyone
like the ties they wore or what they do for a living (If it's something "nerdy").

 

I'll bet she's not the only one. Proof that when I say that my job as a scientist puts some people off it's not me, or how I say it, or any of that junk. If a wise older woman is acting that immature.... No offence to you mother intended.

 

Yes I am certain there are some people more women than men who look at online dating as a pure novelty. Along the lines of being "nerdy"...they may have such retrograde ideas that anyone dating online is a "looser" (except them).

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GivenUp0083

They don't know you, most of them never even met you, so they don't feel like they owe you anything. If someone isn't interested you can't make them. Just don't waste your time with the flakes and don't put all your eggs in one basket, keep your options open until you see some real, reciprocated interest and potential.

 

This stuff takes a while, took me a year and a half to find my girl and 40+ first dates.

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I'll bet she's not the only one. Proof that when I say that my job as a scientist puts some people off it's not me, or how I say it, or any of that junk. If a wise older woman is acting that immature.... No offence to you mother intended.

 

Yes I am certain there are some people more women than men who look at online dating as a pure novelty. Along the lines of being "nerdy"...they may have such retrograde ideas that anyone dating online is a "looser" (except them).

 

Yeah, I agree that my mom's attitude towards her dates is pretty immature. She's a nice person and gets along with almost everyone, so it's weird that she can't connect with even one person on these dates. I've told her about some of my dating dilemmas, and she puts these girls down for playing games...But I'm pretty sure she does the same thing.

 

One problem I can see with dating sites is that the profile format quantifies a lot about the person: Height, body type, smoking/drinking habits, likes, dislikes, a blurb about them, etc. Someone could be a good match for someone else, but as soon as they see that, say, a person likes Lord of the Rings while they don't, it's an automatic deal-breaker. Whereas if the met the person in real life, they'd more easily see other qualities besides the person's like for LOTR. In fact, this person's love for LOTR may not even come up for a while in real life.

 

Also, interesting POV about anyone dating online being a loser except for them. That seems to be the general consensus. I see a lot of girls on this site who basically say in their profiles that they're taking this as a joke...Yet my newsfeed shows that they're updating their profiles and adding new pictures all the time (They typically put up sexy or mysterious photos of themselves to kind of tickle prospective guys' fancies). Then there's usually a blurb about how picky they are, or how they never check their messages. But the joke's really on them. They're the ones on an online dating site. Why put so much effort into this if it's a joke?

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My question is, do a lot of people take online dating as a joke? I see this more with women than men. I don't understand the point of setting up a profile, updating it regularly, getting in heavy contact with someone, and then just disappearing in the midst of messaging or flaking on dates. If you weren't interested in someone, wouldn't it make sense to just not respond to their initial email? A few years back when I set up my profile initially I never had any of these issues. Every person I got into heavy messaging with would keep messaging me, and every person I agreed to meet up with would meet up with me.

 

I have never flaked on a date as in cancelled one (without a very good reason -- fever, car accident, etc, and that's pretty rare) or stood somebody up. But I suppose I'm guilty of dropping off before the meeting. Usually it's because I've met someone who I dig, and I want to focus on him for awhile. As I've gotten older, I've actively addressed that by messaging anyone I was already messaging with prior and saying I had been on a few dates with someone I wanted to focus on and it wouldn't be fair to go on a date right then. But I can see how someone wouldn't want to --- and I would usually wait several days to a week to do it even now --- because it pretty much guarantees I'd never go out with those guys, and they may be guys I'd otherwise be interested in. Really, there's no good way around it. Timing is everything with OL dating.

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Disillusioned

I'm convinced the reason many of these "women" on OLDSs flake out is because men unwittingly try to initiate contact with male ghostwriters who "stuff" the sites with concocted profiles and stolen photos just to make it look like the sites are attracting an equal number of men and women.

 

In reality, only 1 woman joins an OLD for every 9 men. Only a compulsive gambler would think he has a chance against those odds.

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Not interested. is what some of them throw off. but they are trying to be nice about it i believe. Have u made sure that your profile doesnt have anything too complicated or off beat that might mean ur not that serious into meeting? i have noticed that a lot of people are really not taking dating sites too seriously...

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USCGAviator

I was able to see what its like from a womans perspective not that long ago. One woman I met was over at my house and logged into her acct. I wasn't surprised to see over 80 msg's and as soon as she appeared online. Also she was bombarded with IM's.

 

I got to see the competition first hand, but I also saw that over 90% were no competition to me. Most of her msg's were just "hi" or "Hey sexy" or something very sexual. If you have any clue of how to make a woman smile or laugh in a short text message then your golden.

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fortyninethousand322

To be honest I think a disproportionate amount of flaky people (both male and female) are on online dating sites. I've seen people start and deactivate multiple accounts, have multiple counts active at the same time, and women flake out in general. Perhaps it's because like the internet in general, the crazies are attracted to dating sites.

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Sometimes I wonder if there's a disproportionate number of more insecure people on online dating sites. They think their lifestyle means that they don't meet guys in the offline world, but it's actually their insecurity holding them back. Then they "meet" you online. Then they flake.

 

Anyway, off to meet someone tonight, who hopefully doesn't meet that description!

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For men, online dating is a joke.

 

Anybody who plays the lotto as their sole source of income is a fool.

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I'm convinced the reason many of these "women" on OLDSs flake out is because men unwittingly try to initiate contact with male ghostwriters who "stuff" the sites with concocted profiles and stolen photos just to make it look like the sites are attracting an equal number of men and women.

 

In reality, only 1 woman joins an OLD for every 9 men. Only a compulsive gambler would think he has a chance against those odds.

 

That's pretty insane, I never thought about that before. I've come across obviously fake profiles before, but usually they were very poorly-made. If a majority of these female profiles are fake, then they're doing a damn good job at faking them.

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Not interested. is what some of them throw off. but they are trying to be nice about it i believe. Have u made sure that your profile doesnt have anything too complicated or off beat that might mean ur not that serious into meeting? i have noticed that a lot of people are really not taking dating sites too seriously...

 

There's a fine line between caring too little and caring too much. I spent a good amount of time on my profile, but at the moment I'm really only into casual dating and seeing where it goes from there. I throw some humor into my profile, but not as a joke, but I also don't go to the other extreme where I talk about finding my perfect soul mate.

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GivenUp0083
For men, online dating is a joke.

 

Anybody who plays the lotto as their sole source of income is a fool.

 

Guess I won the lottery then....and so did my old roommate, my cousin, my gf's friends...so many lottery winners within the same social circles....how is this possible?? Must be a miracle!!

 

I'm convinced the reason many of these "women" on OLDSs flake out is because men unwittingly try to initiate contact with male ghostwriters who "stuff" the sites with concocted profiles and stolen photos just to make it look like the sites are attracting an equal number of men and women.

 

In reality, only 1 woman joins an OLD for every 9 men. Only a compulsive gambler would think he has a chance against those odds.

 

It actually varies from site to site, but it is usually much more men than women on dating sites.

 

However, the ratio is not 9:1, it's more like 2:1 or 3:1

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1. Supply and demand: there are fewer women (and much, much fewer attractive women) on online dating sites than there are men. Women can afford to blow off guys because there are always more.

 

2. Interacting with people electronically doesn't make them seem real. Blowing off guys you "meet" online is easier than blowing off guys in real life because it's easier to not think of them as people.

 

3. Online dating is backwards. In real life, you meet people and can quickly make a determination of whether there is mutual attraction and chemistry. Online, people can interact and get to know each other without ever determining whether there is attraction (which, when you get down to it is what separates dating/romance from all our other types of relationships). Therefore, you spend a lot of time (and have to go on a lot of pointless dates) without ever knowing if there is even the slightest chance of romance.

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Well, not only that, but I'm discovering unattached people OR people who are "on the outs" with their current sig. other....like they get into a big fight, and the woman is crying and putting up a personal ad.

 

2 weeks later they kiss and make up, leaving every guy she's corresponded with online in wonderment. lol

 

My last correspondence with a woman, we had some great conversation going back and forth, then when I tried to seal the deal to meet. She goes, "Well, I decided to give the guy I hang with another shot at love, it was nice talking to you though."

 

Most tend to disappear when you try to arrange a meet n' greet.

 

Some actually agree to meet, then you say, "So what's your #?" then they ignore you.

 

I've known some to delete their profile off the site altogether just shortly after a few back-and-forth emails.

 

It's like pulling teeth to meet for a half hour coffee meet. lol

 

I had a female friend of mine finally give up on online dating, because she arranged a meet with a guy , and she was getting her nails done (getitng all prettied up) when she got a text from the guy saying "soemthing came up"

 

She responded with, "NO, you make a date, you KEEP the date!"

 

Of course, it was a rhetorical response, she did'nt expect him to show....she goes home, signs onto POF, and see's him "ONLINE NOW"

 

So he cancelled the date, so he could spend time on POF on a Sat night browsing and contacting MORE women.

 

So the site is FULL of people who enjoy the correspondence, without actually meeting.

 

That's kinda like a dog that chases the squirrel indefinately, until the squirrel finally stops, and looks at the dog, and the dog is bewildered the the squirrel stopped. lol

 

The dog doesn't know what to do, so the dog backs off.

 

 

Sometimes I wonder if there's a disproportionate number of more insecure people on online dating sites. They think their lifestyle means that they don't meet guys in the offline world, but it's actually their insecurity holding them back. Then they "meet" you online. Then they flake.

 

Anyway, off to meet someone tonight, who hopefully doesn't meet that description!

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It's already happened actually, it was either Match.com or Yahoo personals....apparently, they were hiring people to put up fake profiles and contact men when the men's subscriptions were about to expire.....try to bait them in for another month, suck them in....and then when the guy would sign back on to correspond with the lady, the profile would be deleted.

 

If someone could prove that they would have a big class action lawsuit.
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Yes it is a joke.

 

The set up is : yeah I weight about average.

 

The punchline: A walrus walks into a bar and I want to shoot myself.

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Mrlonelyone

I pointed this out before. There are plenty of people who are attached, married, engaged, possibly even shut ins.... who like the interaction online but have no intent of interacting IRL.

 

Some one compared it to those late night party lines that you used to see so much. Call 1 900 -sexdate to talk to hot singles in your area... you know.

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