grecian Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I need my BF to prove his dedication to me and my kid. I need to know he's gonna be there for me and the family no matter what. I had a broken marriage before and i don't wanna have the same problems again. I need him to be reliable and dependable. So far i don't have any facts to show otherwise but after a conversation we've had he said some things about traveling and personal time and so on. I am reasonable about these things but i gotta tell you i need a man who's old fashioned and puts his family first. In the beginning he was telling me all these things that he comes from an old fashioned family and he wants to be the rock of his family and follow his dad's footsteps. But, to me someone who needs time to do hobbies and travel to see friends and be away from his wife is not so much of a rock. If he's not there when i need him then he's not a good husband to me. I had an ex who was absent most of the time and he was not there when i had some emergencies. My bf said that after we get married it will depend on what the situation is at home and of course we'll be taking trips as a family is possible. Do you think it is a good idea to tell him everything about my views on this matter now?? I am not good at playing games and i don't want to have to deal with strategies just to make him see things my way. Would a direct approach during the courtship stage be a good idea?? A lady friend told me that i should just play hard to get and make him go after me; then he will do the right thing to please me. Again, i don't like games, i wanna be able to have open communication with my man. I just don't know if that's something you achieve when you're married instead during courtship. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Your previous threads would indicate that you have strong doubts that this would ever work, and that you'd get from this guy, what you need form him. You say he's got serious insecurities, "because of previous relationships and break-ups" but your posts clearly scream that so have you.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269700/ You either need to accept him as he is, "Warts and all" or stop this in its tracks, now. you can tell him what you need, want, require and expect, until you're red white and blue in the face - but that doesn't mean diddly-squat, if he doesn't deliver. And so far, it seems that in the romantic commitment department, he's fallen waaaay hsort of base. So, to reiterate: either take him as you see him now, and accept him for everything, better or worse - or go it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 There are no tricks no smoke and mirrors that will magically make things go the way you want them to. You need to talk to him now about how you feel about your relationship, both as it is today and how you would like it to be going forward. You also need to separate your relationship with this guy from how your marriage with your ex-husband was. These are two separate relationships with two separate and different people. All of this being said, you need to be aware that his answers might not be what you want them to be, and you need to be prepared to examine whether or not you want this relationship to continue. If the two of you have different ideas about what your life together should look like, I don't think any amount of wishful thinking will change this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grecian Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 There are no tricks no smoke and mirrors that will magically make things go the way you want them to. You need to talk to him now about how you feel about your relationship, both as it is today and how you would like it to be going forward. You also need to separate your relationship with this guy from how your marriage with your ex-husband was. These are two separate relationships with two separate and different people. All of this being said, you need to be aware that his answers might not be what you want them to be, and you need to be prepared to examine whether or not you want this relationship to continue. If the two of you have different ideas about what your life together should look like, I don't think any amount of wishful thinking will change this. Do you guys think that my expectations are unreasonable and unrealistic?? A lot of times I try to reassess my own views and figure out if i am just being difficult. I mean this guy treats me very well, he spends LOTS of time with me, he's affectionate, a hard worker, he's got all these great qualities and i love him, i love being with him but i still find things to complain or worry about. Do you think this is normal for someone in a serious relationship who is serious about getting married? Is there anyone else who's been through the same thing? I just need to make sure i'll be happily married the second time. Am i worrying too much?? Should i just take my time in the relationship and let it mature without thinking about details so much? I feel bad when i mention my experience with my ex as well but sometimes i feel i need to tell him so that he understands my point of view. Link to post Share on other sites
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