somedude81 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 (edited) So I'm guilty of coming across as friendly to girls I like, which basically confuses them. In my Ugh thread somebody suggested I ask a female friend for feedback. So I emailed this girl that I was friends with and had been infatuated with as well who also knew that. Needless to say there was a bit of history but I'm grateful that she replied The email exchange: To her: Do you remember me asking you out around this time last year? We had lunch a couple of times after Japanese then we went on that date where you brought your friend along. Did you know I was interested back then, or did you just think I was being friendly? The reason I'm asking is because something very similar happened. I made a date with somebody but she canceled at the very last minute, telling me she just wanted to be friends. My guess is that she had no idea of my intentions and then canceled once she realized that I wanted more. Do I come off as just being friendly without appearing to want anything more? From her: I do remember that and at that time I wasn't sure if you were being friendly or not I think you tend to start off as friendly and then suddenly switch gears to romantic halfway through. Maybe the girl was startled by this? You can try letting girls know your intentions from the start (although I'm not sure if that would work out either to be honest-it depends on the girl) -------- The time period from when I first met her to when we had our date was a little over two months. Though I did see her in class four days a week. So I need to find the balance between coming off as friendly and creepy. What's the best way to do that? Wow, I now have 1,998 posts. In honor of this occasion I present, Edited March 19, 2011 by somedude81 Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Flirtatious humour and measured use of eye contact are good IMO. Humour generally takes the edge of things and works against any 'creepy' factor. Strategic eye contact helps situate it as a flirt and not just as 'friendly' communication. And maybe throw in some compliments here and there. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Dude the truth is you are taking too much of the blame for this on yourself. Women say a man is "creepy" when he expresses romantic or friendly interest that is not mutual. i.e. A woman on Eharmony would say that it's creepy if a guy she has not interest in sends her a icebreaker. Second realize that these women may know what you want...but not be sure about what they want. So they agree to meet you with full knowledge that it's a date....then change their mind two or three times. If it changes three times then they cancel on you. The trick is no trick. Just go on doing what you are doing eventually you will meet a number of women who will be delighted to see you and a friend lover and boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I would probably err on the side of thinking the guy is friendly until proven otherwise. If he did some type of switching gears halfway through and I was not interested I would indeed cancel other plans. I prefer to know what a man is after right up front (friends, relationship, sex) so I can act accordingly. That's just me though. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 IMHO, At the first stages of dating, there is no need in verbalizing your intentions (ie. I want a relationship with you/I have feelings for you) Flirting, taking positive actions and showing constant interest/attention is enough. Also suggestive eye-contact with a warm smile will say more than a thousand words. I think you tend to start off as friendly and then suddenly switch gears to romantic halfway through. Plain excuse to say: I'm not interested. She is using your attitude against you as if you did something wrong. Lots of women who are not interested will often make you think you did smth wrong..mind playing to say "I didn't mislead you, you ruined it yourself" Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 What East7 said. It's very possible that a number of those female friends felt something for you... then for whatever cause changed their minds. Who knows why. Odds are it had nothing to do with anything you did or said. Don't assume that the other party really actually knows what they want and need in a relationship. These things are practically random...like trying to give advice on how to pick winning lotto numbers. Link to post Share on other sites
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