robaday Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Hi, I have been dating someone I really like for the last 6 months. I would say I love her. We spoke the other night about something that I just don't know how to handle. She mentioned how she wanted to get married and have kids and move in together with someone-i.e. make a home. It wasn't for a few years but still it got me thinking. I don't really ever want to get married, and have never placed a priority on having kids (it's not that I don't want them, but I'm not overly eager to have them either). I'm cool with the idea of living with someone, but those first two things concern me. Obviously in this case its early doors, and whether we'll be together in six months or a year who knows. But are we potentially wasting each others time? I dont want to be broken up with in two years because she wants to get married, nor do I want to waste her time either-shes amazing. Any ideas? Or am I jumping the gun? Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 If you have different dreams and goals for the relationship, then you need to lay it on the table now and you both need to decide if you are willing to pursue this relationship. It's only been six months, but when would you let her know that marriage isn't in the game plan and that you're not looking to start a family? Wait a year, two years, five? Tell her how you feel about it next time it's brought up, and see if it's a deal breaker for you both or not. There's nothing wrong with dating someone who's potential "right now" material, but there is something wrong with not letting both voices be heard when it comes to long term plans and leading someone on to believe that you both want the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ReturnToSender Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Agreed..though I wouldnt wait for her to bring it up again, I would take initiative to make it clear. Unless shes the sort that is always talking about marriage and kids, its likely she may feel shes made it clear enough what her goals are, and since shes not expecting to get married and have babies tomorrow, theres no reason to bring it up again anytime soon. So yeah, Id say its up to you to do the same...and be courteous enough to let her know wher you stand as well..that way you can both decide together how to go on in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 Thanks. We've known each other a long time (2 years) but only got together six months ago. I'm going to talk to her next time I see her. I adore her, and at this early stage I really want the best for both of us. I don't intend to lead her on. I'll make my position clear-i.e. no marriage, and no kids for a long long time. Obviously I'd like to continue seeing her, but I really don't want to lead her on either, or waste my own time. Link to post Share on other sites
ReturnToSender Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Thanks. We've known each other a long time (2 years) but only got together six months ago. I'm going to talk to her next time I see her. I adore her, and at this early stage I really want the best for both of us. I don't intend to lead her on. I'll make my position clear-i.e. no marriage, and no kids for a long long time. Obviously I'd like to continue seeing her, but I really don't want to lead her on either, or waste my own time. Thats fair enough..and I have to say, that you are not saying you never want to marry or have kids and instead saying for a long long time says to me you are open to the possibilities. I hope she sees that too and is willing to go forward in the relationship you... Link to post Share on other sites
adamsmith709 Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Hi robaday, Well buddy I think the best way to work out a relationship smoothly is that both the partners talk to each other and listen to each other's problem and then draw any decision mutually..In your case there is no point drawing conclusions just like that, I would advice you to have a chat with your girl, surely if u love each other you would devise some solution.. SO relax man and stay happy.. Link to post Share on other sites
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