Celestine Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I will try to keep the story short. My best friend met this guy through me, I made dinner for him and took her along. He's just an acquaintance of mine, meaning I don't know him all that well. She kinda liked him, they were cuddling up a little when we were watching a movie but nothing more happened. A week or so later she left for holidays. But now they are always talking on Facebook, like everyday for two hours. She's really into him, and she's hoping for more when she comes back. Turns out that his best friend is staying at my place for two weeks because he's in town for some kind of schooling he has to do. Two days ago, we talked about said guy which my best friend likes, and he told me that this guy is very much into a girl who lives in Barcelona and he plans to visit her next week and all. I asked if he thought this was serious. He said that in his opinion his friend is very much into this girl, even planning special dates, always talking about her, about what she's doing, freaking out when she doesn't answer his calls/messages immediately and so on. Now I'm left wondering what to make out of this situation. Should I tell her? Should I ask him first? Should I do nothing and just wait and see what happens? All I know is that she likes him very much, she texts me stuff like that she really hopes it turns out to be something great this time. I have to say she has had a hard time opening up to guys in the past, so I really don't want her to get screwed over this time. Any advices what to do at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'd want to know if a guy I liked was into someone else, especially if he were taking trips to see her. I'd probably mention that the guy is pursuing and seeing a woman in Barcelona, but isn't in an exclusive relationship with her, yet. And then leave it at that. However, I'm guessing your female friend will grill you until you have to tell her every detail of your conversation. If you frame it in a way as giving information rather than passing judgement, she'll might not get upset at you for getting involved. If she continues to pursue him, step back and not say another word. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I think you should tell her, if not only for the fact that she then can ask him if there's another woman in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celestine Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Chances are that if I tell her this story she will be very angry with me. She will say that I begrudge her being happy with this guy. We've been there before. We don't have many things we fight about but this is one! So I figure it will be better to maybe just tell her to be careful and not get to attached too fast. And actually only tell her if he eventually goes to visit this girl in Barcelona. You guys think that would be a good strategy for now? Link to post Share on other sites
blackmagik Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 You need to tell her. It could end up worse if you don't tell her and she finds out later that you did know about the situation. Friends are there to look out for each other not throw themselves to the wolves. Take care of your friend and warn her before she gets hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I feel as though if you are not exclusive with someone yet, then you have every right to talk to and go out with whoever else you want to go out with. That being said, there's nothing wrong with this guy talking and being interested in your friend and this other chick. There is however something wrong if he leads one or both of them on to believe that they're the only current girl in his life and not being completely honest with who he's seeing. If I were you, I'd first ask you're friend how serious her and her little boy toy are at the moment and where she hopes that they'll go. Ask if she believes he's seeing anyone else or if they've talked about it before, and if she says that he's not seeing anyone, encourage her to ask him about it. Say that you heard something from his friend but you aren't sure how accurate you are so you don't want to tell her false news, or even tell her business that he's supposed to tell her. If she pushes information like you think she will, just put your foot down and say it's not your place at all to tell her and you don't want to cause problems where it's not your place to cause them. In the end, you really don't know if she already knows about the other chick or not, just be prepared to be there for her if she gets hurt by this guy or if she decides to continue seeing him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celestine Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 I just really don't want to destroy this situation she has with the guy because it has given her a great confidence boost. What if I tell her now and it turns out, that the other girl wasn't really that important/is already past. I mean his best friend said he was serious about this, but he also said he hadn't talked to him in couple of days, so maybe something changed!? I'm feeling she is already at a point where she will fall very hard, because she likes him and especially because she admitted to herself what she would like to have with this guy. I don't want to amke her hurt if it's not necessary, because when it turns out that the guy wasn't really interested in the other girl, she will never again trust him anyway, if I tell her this story now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celestine Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 In the end, you really don't know if she already knows about the other chick or not, just be prepared to be there for her if she gets hurt by this guy or if she decides to continue seeing him. I know for a fact that she does know about her. This BCN-girl used to study with us(just got our bachelor degree and are now leaving for different countries, cities) and he went out with her on a date once. The BCN-girl told me about this date, though we don't know each other all that well, we just happened to be on the same bus and talked about him. Back then, I told my friend and she was really upset but decided to give it another try. Link to post Share on other sites
lenny Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 You could talk to the guy. Tell him what you heard and that you don't want your friend to get hurt so ask him to be upfront with her. But then by doing that you'd be meddling as well. Its a tough place to be in where you are. Link to post Share on other sites
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