Whatshername Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I read something recently, that stated that this arrangement is becoming more prevalent, although it still carried some of the same issues it always has. It also stated that when relationships develop, it seems that 100% of the time, it was the men approaching the woman. Is this odd? Why would it matter if the woman approached the man? What if he was the shier one of the two, as could be the case with same age men/women, etc. I mean seriously, what is the percentage of relationships in normal age differences that are men making first contacts? Men, does it matter? What if an older woman approaches you, if you are really attracted, what are your thoughts? Women, your experiences would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
bobfisher Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I've only had a relationship with an older woman once, and I initiated it. At the time, me: 26, her: 38. Throughout the entire courting phase, I did all the pursuing. There have been a few other times where I thought an older woman was coming on me, but I wasn't interested and didn't respond. Who knows, maybe that was just in my head. There have also been times where I thought there might be some attraction from an older woman, but I didn't have the balls to go for it, and was hoping she would make a move. Maybe I should have gone for it, I'll never know. Perhaps older women like to be pursued?? Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I'm an older woman in a relationship with a younger man and he made the first move. I never hit on younger men because I don't think they'd be interested. Therefore, I don't go after them and make the first move. Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I do make the first move, but I haven't had any success getting into a relationship with a much younger man. Link to post Share on other sites
crrogers Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I read something recently, that stated that this arrangement is becoming more prevalent, although it still carried some of the same issues it always has. It also stated that when relationships develop, it seems that 100% of the time, it was the men approaching the woman. Is this odd? Why would it matter if the woman approached the man? What if he was the shier one of the two, as could be the case with same age men/women, etc. I mean seriously, what is the percentage of relationships in normal age differences that are men making first contacts? Men, does it matter? What if an older woman approaches you, if you are really attracted, what are your thoughts? Women, your experiences would be appreciated. I think it depends on how much older the woman is. If it's 10 years or less, I don't really consider her older. More than than (and she looks it), then I may not be interested Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Is this odd? Why would it matter if the woman approached the man? What if he was the shier one of the two, as could be the case with same age men/women, etc. I mean seriously, what is the percentage of relationships in normal age differences that are men making first contacts? I think this is probably true for all relationships, not just ones with the age difference. In general, men want to find a treasure, women want to be treasured. Treasure doesn't leap out of the ocean. The treasure hunter has to search for it. Women, your experiences would be appreciated. I'm 34, and I've never dated a younger guy. Some have approached me, but I immediately assumed they were only interested in sex or something without commitment, and dismissed them. But after reading and hearing more about the subject -- and seeing up close my 50-something sister's great relationship with her 30-something man who adores her -- I wouldn't summarily rule out younger men in the future. But I definitely would not approach them. I never approach men. I have also thought about it, after reading some advice here, but I just don't think I can do it. It feels totally unnatural and counterintuitive to me. Link to post Share on other sites
jean-luc sisko Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Social attitudes have changed. I think these days, people don't really baulk at age gap relationships again, or at least as much as in past eras. If an older woman wants to date a younger man, so be it, IMO it's her prerogative. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I agree with Ruby above in that it is counterintuitive to puruse a male for ME. Having said that, I think I am well schooled in the "mating dance" , and that I can send and read signals better than an air traffic controller. So, my personality doesn't change whether a man of 25 or 75. ( or even kids, dogs or grandparents : I'll smile and flirt, but the sealing of the deal is up to you.. I was happily married to a man 17 years my junior : He did the initial pursuing, I met him halfway and let him know I was interested in him too, and then he died suddenly, before we could even worry about long term age realted issues......... Guess the moral is : you never know until you open yourself up enough to try, and even then, life can sure throw you some surprises........... ......But life is for living......I buried a 24 yr old husband and am trying to go on in my 40's....... TAKE THE CHANCE ! Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I'm very much attracted to women in the 25-35 age bracket and I am 23 Link to post Share on other sites
Alma Mobley Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 It was probably pointed out that it is the younger men approaching the older women because there is a perception out there that it's the opposite, eg "cougars." I am married to a younger man (10-and-a-half-year age difference). We've been together five years, married for two and a half. He approached me and did all the pursuing in the beginning of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
lenny Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I am 38 and my bf is 34. Although I am technically older (and we tease each other about it) we are so close in age that it feels like we are the same age. He was the initiator and pursuer. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I am 38 and my bf is 34. Although I am technically older (and we tease each other about it) we are so close in age that it feels like we are the same age. He was the initiator and pursuer. Haha, you're reminding me -- my last bf was slightly younger (a few months), and every time I had a birthday, he'd make some crack about dating a sexy "older woman", how I was going to get to my 40s first, and so on. And then I'd brag about how it takes a very special and magnetic woman to bag a young stud like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Very simple. These were the women who played HTG when they were younger and ended up not gotten. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I read something recently, that stated that this arrangement is becoming more prevalent, although it still carried some of the same issues it always has. It also stated that when relationships develop, it seems that 100% of the time, it was the men approaching the woman. Is this odd? Why would it matter if the woman approached the man? What if he was the shier one of the two, as could be the case with same age men/women, etc. I mean seriously, what is the percentage of relationships in normal age differences that are men making first contacts? Men, does it matter? What if an older woman approaches you, if you are really attracted, what are your thoughts? Women, your experiences would be appreciated. I'm engaged to a woman 10 years my age (she's 40). She pursued me. She looks like she's 25... Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm 30 and prefer to date guys who're in their late twenties. Firstly, I look younger than I am, so guys in their early-mid thirties often look much older than me. Secondly, most guys of that age are at a different life stage to me. They're usually divorced and/or have kids - I'm unmarried with no kids and only recently finished school, and I'm not ready to have divorce or kids involved in my dating life. My current bf is in his late twenties, but he thought I was younger than him - he actually wondered if I was too young for him to date, and his buddies teased him for cradle-snatching a sophomore. We're pretty much at the same life stage despite me being a little older, and we don't really consider there to be an age gap. So while I'm technically an older woman, I'm still in the same age group and life stage, and most people actually think my partner is older than me. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I seriously wonder about substantial age gap relationships no matter which gender is older. The "hey, I still got it" thing is counterproductive to understanding your demons. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I seriously wonder about substantial age gap relationships no matter which gender is older. The "hey, I still got it" thing is counterproductive to understanding your demons. Maybe it's not a "Hey, I still got it thing" and maybe there are no demons to banish. Maybe, just maybe, if you're not a laundry list type person when it comes to mate selection, you just go with people who intrigue or excite you for some reason. I dated a short, jewish doctor, and a tall, southern, republican, Harley riding, truck driver because they were good, and interesting people who crossed my path. Same with my husband. Sometmes a cigar is just a cigar. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I think melodymatters nailed it. Age is simply in the melting pot of all the qualities of a person. My guy happens to be much younger... But he's also left handed, Irish, recovering Catholic, short, blue eyes, has left politics, grew up in the country, is physically strong, loves spicy food, knows a lot about history, laughs a lot, etc, etc. He is also kind, funny, caring, intelligent, sexy, talkative, and empathic. I get a little teary thinking of how lucky I am to have met a man like him. I'm sorry that on Love Shack we don't talk about the complexity of people's wonderfulness. Boiling people down to what could be read on a driver's license misses the point entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
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