nothappyjan Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Hi all, Just after some outside opinion. Everytime i've dated a guy its always ended the same way. They say im great and want to be best friends with me still, they say im gorgeous, funny, smart, cool to be with, their family and friends love me, they love me............but they are not crazy IN love with me. My personality type is very much the giving type I am easygoing, thoughtful, like to keep others happy, very nice and kind. Think of others before myself. Never try and change a guy or be needy or controlling. Saying that though i still have very high standards when it comes to how im treated and who i will date and will stand up for myself if someone is taking advantage of me so im not a total doormat. I'm starting to think that maybe its like the nice guy syndrome but the nice girl one. Am i not enough of a challenge? Maybe i should be meaner and more selfish. The guys normally always end up with girls who don't treat them as well, are more selfish and they are normally never better looking at all than me. They seem to control the r/ship more and allow the guys less freedom. The guys seem to fall hopelessly in love with these girls. I have found lately that in life the nice people really don't get ahead even when it comes to work, friends, and all other aspects of life. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Off the top of my head I would try being more flirtatious with your dates. If your interested then show it and flirt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nothappyjan Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Off the top of my head I would try being more flirtatious with your dates. If your interested then show it and flirt. Dating seems to be fine though. Im an affectionate person and always touch and generally im the one who tries to keep the spark in a r/ship. Its once im established as exclusively seeing someone or in a r/ship that it falls apart. My current one ended after a year Link to post Share on other sites
hopefully Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 My personality type is very much the giving type I am easygoing, thoughtful, like to keep others happy, very nice and kind. Think of others before myself. Never try and change a guy or be needy or controlling. Saying that though i still have very high standards when it comes to how im treated and who i will date and will stand up for myself if someone is taking advantage of me so im not a total doormat. Wow, this is like that you are describing me. And yes, I share the same problem with you. I think we don't show as much a challenge. When you are doing things nice and right, people will forget you even exist Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 You gave too much of yourself. It's a good trait to be selfless but then you're making it easier for these men to take you for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Maybe you spend too much energy focusing on making them happy, and not enough energy focusing on yourself? It's possible that you give the impression to the men you date that they are the center of your world, which could put a lot of pressure on a guy. This could be something you are doing without even realizing you are doing it. You should try putting yourself first for a change- you can be a loving and giving person without giving up any part of yourself. When you're in a relationship, do you maintain friendships and continue to participate in your personal hobbies- or do you alter your lifestyle to accomodate the people you are dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nothappyjan Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Maybe you spend too much energy focusing on making them happy, and not enough energy focusing on yourself? It's possible that you give the impression to the men you date that they are the center of your world, which could put a lot of pressure on a guy. This could be something you are doing without even realizing you are doing it. You should try putting yourself first for a change- you can be a loving and giving person without giving up any part of yourself. When you're in a relationship, do you maintain friendships and continue to participate in your personal hobbies- or do you alter your lifestyle to accomodate the people you are dating? Definetly don't ditch my friends as its a pret peeve of mine:p but i suppose I do change and try and fit in more with their interests and lifestyle. In this last r/ship we only spent 3 days a week together though so i still had lots of time on my own. When im in love with someone though I always do put a fair bit of my focus on them and i know this is something I need to work on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nothappyjan Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 You gave too much of yourself. It's a good trait to be selfless but then you're making it easier for these men to take you for granted. Ok, i want to take my time before getting into a relationship again to work on things that I can change for next time. I really do recognise that i need to be less giving, its a lot easier to say though and harder to implement once you have strong feelings for someone. I have always felt more complete in a relationship, which is ironic as I didnt even start dating until a few yrs ago so i know i need to be happy and feel like a complete person without a man. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Definetly don't ditch my friends as its a pret peeve of mine:p but i suppose I do change and try and fit in more with their interests and lifestyle. In this last r/ship we only spent 3 days a week together though so i still had lots of time on my own. When im in love with someone though I always do put a fair bit of my focus on them and i know this is something I need to work on. Well, it's good to acknowledge that you might tend to put a little too much focus on them. Once you've acknowledged something that might be a problem, you can change it! You can learn so much by acknowledging dating mistakes. The next time you meet someone, just be yourself, and keep doing the things that make you happy, the things that make you who you are. It's more than just hanging out with your friends when your bf is busy. Remember that the guys you date are attracted to you initially for a reason. They probably love that you have your own life and hobbies. If you start to alter your lifestyle to accomodate the person you are with, you're also altering that person they were initially attracted to! It's okay to be a little selfish you know- maybe you're just giving up a little too much of yourself, and as I said before- if a guy thinks you are making him the center of your world, that's a lot of pressure on him. That could be the cause of your troubles in your relationships. If a guy meets you and is attracted to you because of the way you carry yourself initially, then you change your course and focus too much on him and not enough on yourself- he's going to view you as a different girl than the one that initially attracted him. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts