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Signs of a player


yellowhibiscus

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yellowhibiscus

So, I was wondering what everyone's thoughts are on the tell tale signs that a guy is a player....just wondering because I'm thinking the guy that is interested in me may be one...

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Is he easy on the eyes? Got a lot of female 'friends'? Perennially single? Yes'es to those questions confer some obvious clues.

 

When you ask him what he's looking for in a relationship, what is his response? Do his actions support that response?

 

What's his relationship/marital history?

 

How old is he?

 

Nearly all the players I know in my age bracket are good looking, successful men who are charming and deliberate with women. They're smooth. Some of them are married. They're in no hurry. They take their time. This is because they have women at all levels of 'investment' available and don't need/desire/require anything substantial right away. They're getting that somewhere else, or at home with their wife.

 

Time reveals all truths. If it sounds too good to be true, it likely is (too good to be true).

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yellowhibiscus

Well this guy is telling me he thinks I'm perfect, that he really wants to be with me. He even asked me if I wanted to have children because he did and I am the type of girl that he wants to marry. Texts me all the time. I am not sure that he would publicly admit these feelings though...I also, I have reason to believe that he is saying this to other girls too and has not quite cut things off with an ex.

 

He seems to be a "serial dater" Goes from one relationship to the next.

 

He is great looking and has a ton of friends.

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Well this guy is telling me he thinks I'm perfect, that he really wants to be with me. He even asked me if I wanted to have children because he did and I am the type of girl that he wants to marry.

 

Smooth. How long have you been dating and how many actual flesh-pressing encounters?

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Well this guy is telling me he thinks I'm perfect, that he really wants to be with me. He even asked me if I wanted to have children because he did and I am the type of girl that he wants to marry. Texts me all the time. I am not sure that he would publicly admit these feelings though...I also, I have reason to believe that he is saying this to other girls too and has not quite cut things off with an ex.

 

He seems to be a "serial dater" Goes from one relationship to the next.

 

He is great looking and has a ton of friends.

 

I hope we weren't dating the same man, a guy like this just broke up with me.:eek:

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It has been a month and a half and we have been intimate once (just recently).

Great. How many dates in that month and a half? Also, did the statement I put in quotes occur before sex or after?

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yellowhibiscus

Oh I'm so sorry :( How did that happen...was it just sudden?? I feel like this guy has a few girls on the back burner. He's really cute, funny, and has a great personality and a lot of girls like him. I'm thinking he likes the attention.

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Well this guy is telling me he thinks I'm perfect, that he really wants to be with me. He even asked me if I wanted to have children because he did and I am the type of girl that he wants to marry.

 

Not a good sign. Dated something like this once. Those people really enjoy the chase.

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yellowhibiscus
Great. How many dates in that month and a half? Also, did the statement I put in quotes occur before sex or after?

 

It occurred after, yesterday actually...its been around 6 or 7 dates.

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Oh I'm so sorry :( How did that happen...was it just sudden?? I feel like this guy has a few girls on the back burner. He's really cute, funny, and has a great personality and a lot of girls like him. I'm thinking he likes the attention.

 

This. He also told me we should get married and I asked him why, he replied, " why not?"

 

He was smooth real smooth. It was only after we slept together he told me he got into a relationship with another girl.

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Oh, also, was there a smooth segue into sex with only 'romantic' talk/action, or was there mature conversation prior about exclusivity, STD's, contraception, etc?

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yellowhibiscus
Oh, also, was there a smooth segue into sex with only 'romantic' talk/action, or was there mature conversation prior about exclusivity, STD's, contraception, etc?

 

Yes we talked about that stuff before. He told me he didn't have anything, of course. I made it clear that I only wanted to be with him at this time and he told me, don't worry, I'm not going anywhere and that he was only interested in me too.

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These guys are never afraid of talking about marriage, kids, etc. They know girls like these topics. That guy and I even talked about how to educate kids and religion. And then I found out his online dating profile, saying that he doesn't want children at all. Dodged a bullet.

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'I don't have anything'

 

'I'm not going anywhere'

 

Do those statements align with what you consider to be a mature conversation about exclusivity and STD's?

 

Here's my version, as spoken to my now exW over 11 years ago:

 

'Here's my most current STD lab sheet. I think it wise that we use condoms for awhile, if only to ensure birth control'

 

'I'm not interested in dating anyone else. How do you feel about that?'

 

What would your response be to conversation like that and how does it match up with your responses thus far?

 

You can't imagine how many women have told me their STD status; I mean, these are women whom have no interest in dating me. So far, I'm at a half dozen in the last year. Two were/are married. Why is that? Are they practicing for the 'real thing'? :D

 

Anyway, what I'm hearing so far aligns with 'too good to be true' 'ism.... If you otherwise enjoy his company and he treats you well, why not proceed? Enjoy the time for what it is. I'm sure it will all become clear, one way or another... My advice, if you choose to proceed, is to invest slowly

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'I don't have anything'

 

'I'm not going anywhere'

 

Do those statements align with what you consider to be a mature conversation about exclusivity and STD's?

 

Here's my version, as spoken to my now exW over 11 years ago:

 

'Here's my most current STD lab sheet. I think it wise that we use condoms for awhile, if only to ensure birth control'

 

'I'm not interested in dating anyone else. How do you feel about that?'

 

What would your response be to conversation like that and how does it match up with your responses thus far?

 

You can't imagine how many women have told me their STD status; I mean, these are women whom have no interest in dating me. So far, I'm at a half dozen in the last year. Two were/are married. Why is that? Are they practicing for the 'real thing'? :D

 

Anyway, what I'm hearing so far aligns with 'too good to be true' 'ism.... If you otherwise enjoy his company and he treats you well, why not proceed? Enjoy the time for what it is. I'm sure it will all become clear, one way or another... My advice, if you choose to proceed, is to invest slowly[/QUOTE]

 

This is some good advice here. Invest slowly for sure. You just never know with these guys. It is so much game going in.

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So, I was wondering what everyone's thoughts are on the tell tale signs that a guy is a player....just wondering because I'm thinking the guy that is interested in me may be one...

 

He keeps you on your toes too much. Gives you just enough information to make you interested and still have full control over you. It's a skill and also selfish. Not malcious (though some players are just plain mean, though many are not)..

 

Another thing, he'll never let himself "feel close" to you.

 

My friend dated a player on and off for years until finally she woke up!

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Anyway, what I'm hearing so far aligns with 'too good to be true' 'ism.... If you otherwise enjoy his company and he treats you well, why not proceed? Enjoy the time for what it is. I'm sure it will all become clear, one way or another... My advice, if you choose to proceed, is to invest slowly

 

I am going to disagree with you slightly Carhill. I think the signs you mentioned above suggest someone who is experienced in dating. Hell, I have likely said things reminiscent of what this guy said. I don't consider myself a player and have committed the women when I have said such things. However, I do multi-date and have a lot of women around me. Hmm...maybe I am a player? I just consider myself fun. Either way, investing slowly and cautiously is always prudent advice.

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I feel the same way as Sanman. Almost as if you multi-date, you are automatically a player.

 

I think this may be a difference in terminology.

 

whichwayisup said a friend dated a player for years. That doesn't make sense to me. A player would not date someone for years.

 

To me, a player is someone that's after a "quick kill", and would be perfectly fine using lies to get it. That player then would move on to the next one after this one is done. They wouldn't stick around in a relationship with their targets.

 

Sometimes a player is also a cheater. As in he will have a "main" girlfriend or wife, that he cheats on, while he does his player thing with other women. So to the "main" one, he's a cheater. To the others, he's a player.

 

To me, I make the distinction between a player, vs someone that knows his way around the dating scene, vs someone that is unwilling to commit, which I think sounds more like the situation whichwayisup mentioned, vs cheaters.

 

A person can fit into multiple groups, like a player most likely is good at attracting women, but that doesn't mean all men that are good at attracting women are players.

 

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Sanman and I are both players. Maybe women should avoid all men that display social smoothness in dating. I don't know.

 

In the OP's case, whether he's a player or not, he has displayed red flags. Talking about marriage this early is strange, and I would consider that un-player-like, since he has already gotten sex. Player isn't necessarily the bad men that women can run into. I've seen that controlling/abusive men tend to go for marriage rather quickly. Also men that are after something else, such as money or citizenship.

 

It could be a number of things, or it could be nothing. Invest slowly is a good advice no matter the situation.

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yellowhibiscus

He just sent me a text, "I can see myself falling in love with you". This is after he was just seen with an ex a few days ago. I really don't get it...we have so many mutual friends that I just don't get why he would do this...it's so puzzling! I figure if he is lying and playing with me, I'm going to figure it out soon enough.

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He just sent me a text, "I can see myself falling in love with you". This is after he was just seen with an ex a few days ago. I really don't get it...we have so many mutual friends that I just don't get why he would do this...it's so puzzling! I figure if he is lying and playing with me, I'm going to figure it out soon enough.

 

 

Well, a month and a half is still very short time. They usually get tired after 3 months. The player I dated sent me numerous text messages saying the things I wanted to hear in the first two months. Besides, actions speak louder than words.

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