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I dated a friend


pickering

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Just before newyears my best friend for about the last year told me she was in love with me and wanted to be with me. I have had feelings for her for awhile but always managed to put them out of my head fairly easily for the sake of the friendship. After hearing about how she felt one thing quickly led to another and we ended up dating. Things went great for about 3 weeks and she really seemed madly in love with me.

 

There was then a sudden change, mostly on her side, and less then 3 weeks later it was over. Immediatly following the conclusion of the relationship we got into a couple big arguements that nearly ruined the friendship. We seem over the argueing now but im worried things still wont end up the same.

 

I do still like this girl alot and now its always in the back of my head when we are hanging out. After being with her I find it difficult to just put the thoughts out of my head as I use to. Part of the problem is I want to know why her feelings changed so fast and exactly what happened between us. She on the other hand is completely unwilling to talk about it because she says shes not ready to and wont be for a long time.

 

Is it even possible for a friendship to stay the same after dating?

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Stay the same? No.

 

Survive and perhaps be stronger for it? Perhaps. It depends on the people.

 

In my recent situation, we had crossed the physical line before crossing the "I love you" threshold -- neither of us confessed to strong feelings when things started. Stuff kinda just happened, and neither of us were intoxicated, so we pretty much both figured we'd see where things went but also both affirmed we were friends first and maintaining that was goal number one. I developed stronger feelings, told him, he said he didn't feel quite the same way, we have went back toward friendship.

 

Things are still a bit awkward right now, but just the night before last he suggested getting out and doing something for my birthday.... as friends, not a date. We played in an RPG and then he got a call and we got an invite to go play poker at one of his friend's houses. Being around other people helped the evening be less awkward -- not really at the stage where I think it'd be a good idea to hang out much by ourselves -- but I think that the friendship will survive.

 

Will it ever be the same? No. It's going to take awhile before the intimacy of close friendship is re-established. There will always be the knowledge that yes, we went there.... and that we aren't going back again. But it also means we know each other better than we did before. There might come a time when he's able to give me advice that he wouldn't have been able to otherwise, being an ex (even if things weren't serious, he did put up with my quirks... heh).

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I've been there.

 

In my case I was either too chubby for her or she was dateing someone else or trying to get with someone else on the sly.

 

because she always came up with excuses last minute for canceling our dates & I wound up at her house watching a movie with her family.

 

It was like she either didn't want to be alone with me or didn't want to be seen with me in public.

 

But, she sure didn't want me going out with other women & tried keeping tabs on me.

 

She wouldn't tell me what the heck was going on so I finally just slammed the door hard on her because I just didn't want to deal with that crap anymore.

 

OP, your in for a ride. My opinion? Tell your "friend" you can't see or talk to her until she tells you the truth (like a true friend would).

 

My guess is she likes everything about you, but isn't attracted to you. That's been my experience when it comes to women that were friends who wanted to date me.

 

Did you by any chance start talking to other women?

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Is it even possible for a friendship to stay the same after dating?
No, no, NO! That's why you don't ever date friends.

 

Do yourself a favor: cut contact with her, forget about her and move on. I know you don't want to hear this, but you are setting yourself up for continuous heartache unless you cut off all contact with her.

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well i guess there are good news and bad news.

 

i dated a great friend of mine and it didnt work out, we talk once every few months. a casual hi, butthe freindship is no longer there and probly never will be.

 

I again dated another of my frineds that i had liked for years, and he had always liked me. we have now been dating for 2 years and are in love.

 

sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. and in most cases you will not remaine friends and if you do, i doubt it is ever really the same.

 

do you have any idea what happend in the relationship that may have caused her change in feelings? there could be multiple reasons. unfortunitly she may have thought she was in love with you and after getting to know you in that way realized her feelings werent as strong as she thought. or maybe something happend and you just didnt know or see it. i guess you wont know untill she tells you. did you have a fight before the initial break up or only after the breakup? i hope eveything gets better for you.

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