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Dating, relationships with depressed partners


love_xs

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Is this person clinically depressed or just temporarily bummed out? Those that are clinically depressed tend to need constant validation from others. If you are not prepared for that, don't get involved.

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I was pretty close to dating someone who has a bipolar disorder. I was really attracted to her manic side, but her other side is quite dangerous. I found out before it was too late for me.

 

As much as we would like to care for people with these conditions, the truth is it can be really frustrating because they have self-destructive tendencies. Building a romantic relationship with someone that is depressed or has some kind of personality disorder is like asking for trouble.

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Must disagree, I have depression along with other problems, I can have and have had healthy relationships, if I am with someone who can communicate well, who will put support me when needed, be totally straight down the line with me and treat me with respect, the other necessary quality in a person involved with someone with mental health issues, is high self esteem and good boundaries.

 

however, anyone with problems,who refuses to accept them, won't take responsibilty for them and plays mind games, will only cause pain and chaos in your life. x

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I dated a guy who gets depression. I really didn't mind because he knew that he gets depressed and takes meditation, watches out for triggers etc.

The ones that worry me are those who think they have nothing wrong with them... :(

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how did you deal with them being reclusive and dissapearing alot?

 

Are you sure this is depression or is she trying to break up with you. I know people who are clinically depressed and they aren't the above.

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can be a sign of severe depression, can also be a sign of personality disorder of some type. I become reclusive, don't answer the door or the phone, but if I am involved with someone, I ensure they know I am having a wobble and normal service will be resumed.

 

He does need to see a doc, you need to do some research talk to people who deal with this stuff, only when you have the full information can you make an informed choice,

 

Unless, his behaviour is making you unstable, in which case I believe it may be wise to step back,

 

sorry I can't be of more help x

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The best example I can think of are my parents. Mom and Dad have been married for 30 years. Dad has been hospitalized far depression twice. If 30 years isn't a relationship working out nothing is.

 

Let's look at it this way if we were talking about cancer would people feel the same way?

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I'd say I'm clinically depressed.

 

Though I'm only depressed because I'm lonely.

 

So getting in a relationship should fix that issue, then I won't be depressed anymore. Then I guess it won't be a relationship with a depressed person :p

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I'd say I'm clinically depressed.

 

Though I'm only depressed because I'm lonely.

 

So getting in a relationship should fix that issue, then I won't be depressed anymore. Then I guess it won't be a relationship with a depressed person :p

Clinical depression isn't like that. Depression happens too married people whose spouses love them.

 

Nothing can be more lonely than being in an unhappy marriage, especially when it looks great on the outside.

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Clinical depression isn't like that. Depression happens too married people whose spouses love them.

 

Nothing can be more lonely than being in an unhappy marriage, especially when it looks great on the outside.

My depression comes from a combination of being alone forever (never had a relationship) plus having low self-esteem and confidence (because I've never had a relationship.)

 

I seriously doubt that anybody in a marriage is lonelier than I am.

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I hate to admit this, but depression contributed to the break-up of my last relationship.

 

My (ex)boyfriend had suffered from some anxiety throughout our relationship, and I had always tried to be non-judgemental, supportive and caring. This wasn't an obstacle to our relationship.

 

Late in our relationship though he went through a period of depression for about 12 months, and completely shut me out with no explanation. It was like he put up a brick wall. He completely denied that anything was wrong, didn't tell me he'd started on anti-depressants, etc. etc. He rejected me sexually for about 8 months and I felt like a freak.

 

He pulled through but i'm sad to say that by that time, the attraction on my part was gone. He expected everything to just go back to the way it was and couldn't understand that we needed to rebuild our relationship. I think what hurt the most was that, after three years together, he hadn't felt able to tell me about the medication.

 

That was not the sole factor in our breakup, but it was definitely a contributing factor.

 

Sorry, that probably wasn't much help! If someone you care about is suffering from depression, definitely be supportive and try to encourage them to keep the lines of communication open. But don't try and be a hero, you can only do so much.

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My depression comes from a combination of being alone forever (never had a relationship) plus having low self-esteem and confidence (because I've never had a relationship.)

 

I seriously doubt that anybody in a marriage is lonelier than I am.

 

You don't get it. Depression isn't just about feeling down or lacking confidence. It is a physical issue that cannot be simply fixed by changes in your lifestyle, love, etc. It's an imbalance of chemicals that affect the way you think. That's why it's called CLINICAL depression.

 

I'm not saying your issues are not important, I am saying you should actually see some kind of therapist before claiming you suffer from clinical depression. Let the therapist make that call and proceed accordingly.

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Must disagree, I have depression along with other problems, I can have and have had healthy relationships, if I am with someone who can communicate well, who will put support me when needed, be totally straight down the line with me and treat me with respect, the other necessary quality in a person involved with someone with mental health issues, is high self esteem and good boundaries.

 

however, anyone with problems,who refuses to accept them, won't take responsibilty for them and plays mind games, will only cause pain and chaos in your life. x

 

True. Fair enough. That girl in question tries to keep her issues a secret (I don't blame her), but every now and then she does something horrible and then tries to play it off like it wasn't that big of a deal and starts acting normal again.

 

One of my best friends is also bipolar and he did his best to act like everything was fine with him for years. Everyone around him knew something was wrong, he was the last person to accept it. He still tries to cover up and lie when he does (or doesn't do) certain things, so he has a ways to go.

 

I suppose each case is different and depends on how mature the person is.

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You don't get it. Depression isn't just about feeling down or lacking confidence. It is a physical issue that cannot be simply fixed by changes in your lifestyle, love, etc. It's an imbalance of chemicals that affect the way you think. That's why it's called CLINICAL depression.

 

I'm not saying your issues are not important, I am saying you should actually see some kind of therapist before claiming you suffer from clinical depression. Let the therapist make that call and proceed accordingly.

I've seen several therapists. None of them were able to do anything.

 

Last one I saw tried to change my way of thinking with CBT. It simply didn't work.

 

The basic premise was that all my negative thoughts were cognitive distortions and that I had to find the true thought. Problem was that reality kept matching up with my negative thoughts.

 

I've been depressed like this for over ten years.

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@Somedude

 

Ok I see where you are coming from now. Your depression is making a situation that really is bad...even worse.

 

I would say that because you are thinking that having a relationship would make things better. It can. Having the emotional support and validation of a intimate partner can help.

 

However the problem is when one is clinically depressed it can be hard to reciprocate that effect. Relationships have give and take....not just give and not just take.

 

I don't mean to sound well mean... I say this as a person who has been depressed and medicated for it in the past. You literally are emotionally needy...you have needs that haven't been met for years and that has thrown your brain into a downward spiral of depression. I know it will be hard but someday you will find the strength to pick yourself up and get right with yourself. When you do you will find that their are interesting people for friendship and relationships all around you.

 

That may sound like such BS right now, I know how it feels and hope you will do much better.

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Ok somedude sorry for the misunderstanding. It's just that there are plenty of people that go around saying they are depressed yet they dont really understand what depression is.

 

Have you tried any medications?

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can be a sign of severe depression, can also be a sign of personality disorder of some type. I become reclusive, don't answer the door or the phone, but if I am involved with someone, I ensure they know I am having a wobble and normal service will be resumed.

 

He does need to see a doc, you need to do some research talk to people who deal with this stuff, only when you have the full information can you make an informed choice,

 

Unless, his behaviour is making you unstable, in which case I believe it may be wise to step back,

 

sorry I can't be of more help x

 

thats why i made this thread in hope of finding people in similar situations.

I care about him alot and want to help him as much as i can by being there but i can only do it if he lets me in. Its hard because i dont wanna overstep my boundries by asking too many questions like

are you on any meds? or so you see a therapist?

are you really clinically depressed?

when im with him i just want it to be about us and not his issues.

his behaviour makes me sad at times because im constantly being approached by guys and i start assuming that if he cared he would be contacting me like these guys. i forget its not about me..

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