ginger337 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 The boy I am with now and I have been on and off for almost two years, although not always "officially". We have had our fair share of rough patches, and after a particularly horrid event this past summer we ended it. He came back into my life around October, begging for me back. After many conversations about our future and a lot of thought, I took him back and we began dating in the middle of Decemeber. While he was trying to get me back he was incredibly sweet and loving, and I couldn't have been happier. Even once we began dating again it was the same. However, over the past three weeks or so, he has been abnormally cold and distant. He stopped being 'lovey' and seemsto snap at me at any given moment. Around the 13th of January I tried to talk to him about this, and admittedly it was a breaking point for me and everything I was feeling came rushing out kind of unexpected. I told him how I felt like he didn't have interest in me anymore and that I was confused by how cold he had become. He turned it around on me and said I didn't care about him, or what was going on in his life and his stresses, and all I cared about was myself. So I spent the following weeks being affectionate, surprising him with little things he liked, and tried to get him to see how happy he made me. He has only gotten more distant. He barely texts me and seems to make excuses not to see me. When we talk on the phone it consists of me trying to start a conversation and he answering with one word answers. When we are together he barely interacts with me. The anxiety about this is taking its toll. I have tried to talk to him about this again, just asking if he still wanted to be with me and he answered yes, but that he was overly stressed and that "I should be with him for him". I understand about stress and the troubles he has going on right now he he has become more of an ******* than anything else. I don't know what to do. He seems like he doesn't want to be with me anymore, and that I annoy him, and if that's the case I would prefer if he just ended it. I don't know if he's cheating, and thats the reason he's been distant, but again, why doesn't he just end it? I want to talk to him again but I don't even know what to say, it seems like that just brings on a fight. I want to be with him, but I don't know what I did or what happened, suddenly everything changed! Help? What is going on with him? What should I do? Also I am sorry for this rant. Link to post Share on other sites
Hules Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Personally this sounds like a toxic and unhealthy relationship. If he's treating you like this then hes not worth your time. You gave him another chance he blew it, time to look after yourself and stop letting this immature boy torture you. If he isn't adult enough to have proper conversations with you about the state of the relationship without blowing up in your face then its time to drop him. What is he stressed about? There is no excuse for been abusive to a SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I agree with the above. In your OP you did not state a single positive aspect of your relationship with him. It does not sound good for you in any way. You have demonstrated that you are "there for him" and he's still a jerk. Two years is a long time and I know it's a lot easier said than done to simply walk, but I really think it's time you got out of a relationship that is not good for you on any level. Whether he is cheating or whatever, he is NOT treating you or your relationship with a bit of care or respect. He's a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ginger337 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Several friends have told me the exact same thing, almost word for word, and getting second opinions like these are kind of making me realize that ending it is the right way to go. He has screwed me over horribly in the past, and I'm starting to realize that taking him back was a mistake and that it really isn't worth my time. Thank you for replying Link to post Share on other sites
Fee Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 He sounds emotionally abusive (what was the incident that prompted your first breakup?) He won you back with sweetness and light, but has now reverted back to his old ways. Messing with your head and accusing you of not 'understanding' him is just another way of transfering his bad feelings onto you - most abusers can't see past their own noses, and the world 'misunderstands' them. He is now thinking he has got you where he wants you and can treat you how he likes because you came back for more. He knows he is the one with the problem but you are now there when he feels like offloading. You are his emotional punching bag. This is what's known as the cycle of abuse. You gave him another fair chance and he blew it. http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page5.htm Broom him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ginger337 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 He sounds emotionally abusive (what was the incident that prompted your first breakup?) He won you back with sweetness and light, but has now reverted back to his old ways. Messing with your head and accusing you of not 'understanding' him is just another way of transfering his bad feelings onto you - most abusers can't see past their own noses, and the world 'misunderstands' them. He is now thinking he has got you where he wants you and can treat you how he likes because you came back for more. He knows he is the one with the problem but you are now there when he feels like offloading. You are his emotional punching bag. This is what's known as the cycle of abuse. You gave him another fair chance and he blew it. http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page5.htm Broom him. He got involved with hardcore drugs and basically cheated then left me so he could knock boots with another girl, who ironically had the same name as me and a lot of my same elements... It was a one time thing with he and the girl (she screwed him over). I moved on and he became abusive once he heard I was involved with someone else. I cut him out of my life completely. A couple months later I recieved a phone call from him because he thought (and acutally was) ODing, and I in turn called the police cos he couldn't and ultimately saved he and his best friend's lives. After that, once he cleaned up, we started talking again and ended up getting involved. I am reluctant to admit that I took him back after what had happened, but he acted completely changed and was treating me great and I was happy. Since I posted this thread things have stayed the same. I have tried to talk to him again about it and he has told me that he is depressed and 'doesn't feel like himself' and doesn't want to talk to anyone. Having once been depressed I know the feeling. However, last night I called him like we do everyday and just for him to barely speak to me. Fed up, I asked him if he wanted to me to just shut up and he said completely seriously yes, cos the score of the game he had been playing online decreased. Seriously, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I ended up losing it, and said "What did I do to you, why do you act like such an ******* to me, I'm so sick of it." His response? He was sick of me 'accusing' him of things and I obviously didn't want this relationship to work cos I kept bothering him about things that were wrong. (Emotional punchingbag, you're right, key example). I have seriously tried everything to get this to work and to show that I am there for him during this difficult time, and that's what he said. He got angry, told me that everything was fine and got off the phone saying he would text me in the morning and I haven't heard from him since. But the way he talks to me; the tone of voice, the words he chooses, it makes me feel like I'm crazy and that I am in the wrong here, when I truly believe I'm not. I'm so fed up, but I don't really want to/am scared to leave... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ginger337 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 He sounds emotionally abusive (what was the incident that prompted your first breakup?) He won you back with sweetness and light, but has now reverted back to his old ways. Messing with your head and accusing you of not 'understanding' him is just another way of transfering his bad feelings onto you - most abusers can't see past their own noses, and the world 'misunderstands' them. He is now thinking he has got you where he wants you and can treat you how he likes because you came back for more. He knows he is the one with the problem but you are now there when he feels like offloading. You are his emotional punching bag. This is what's known as the cycle of abuse. You gave him another fair chance and he blew it. http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page5.htm Broom him. Also, thank you for this website. Link to post Share on other sites
spackle Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 you say you're scared to leave...how do you see your future if you stay? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ginger337 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 you say you're scared to leave...how do you see your future if you stay? Part of me keeps thinking it'll get better; that its just the depression talking. I do care about him a lot and keep thinking about better times, and like I said previously I know what depression does to people and if that is the case, I don't want to leave him while he's down. But this is not the first place to tell me this seems like an abusive relationship, and I'm starting to see it for myself... The other part of me is telling to end it and get far away from the boy, but I am afraid of leaving him and if he'd attempt revenge if I do. Link to post Share on other sites
spackle Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I can hope to win the lottery - and it does happen - but it's unlikely. You're not responsible for his depression and I understand wanting to fix things but that takes two people. We can't force change on people even if we think we're doing it because we care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ginger337 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Yeah, I understand that. I feel like it's my fault. It's just so strange, it seriously seemed like one day everything was fine and then the next everything quickly began to decline. Thank you to everyone who replied. It's helping. Link to post Share on other sites
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