Jump to content

I should have listened to my gut about his sex addiction....


Loquacious Miss L.

Recommended Posts

Loquacious Miss L.

I dated this guy for four months just about. When we first met I thought he was strong, caring, a good Christian man, etc. To be honest we moved kind of quickly, he lives in the same apartment complex and gradually started moving stuff in bit by bit. I got swept away in the moment. All was ok until at the beginning of January I saw that a girl had sent him a picture of her private bits to his email (yes, I admittedly went into his email and found this) I broke up with him. Since then we had a bit of contact as he admitted he had a sex addiction problem. I thought I could just be his friend but I can't. He has gotten nastier and nastier.

 

 

We're not talking anymore. He told me he was going to drop out of the sexaholics group, that he doesn't have a problem, that he doesn't "want me to see him like this" and that basically he's not going to wait to have sex with someone in order to find his "soulmate he can marry." He was telling me all of this **** and I'm like why are you telling me this. This was all via text message mind you, yesterday. He's like I don't want to talk to you again and then continued on with text messages that I just eventually ignored.

 

How did this go from a situation where he cheated on me and sexted and such to this becoming something that in some abstract way is my fault according to him? Everyday I discover something new, like today on his facebook he had gone and deleted every picture and post with us in it. The other day I was on his ex wife's page where she was talking about how he had been bugging her for some other chick's number. And this ****er doesn't think he's sick? I should have seen the signs. Let's name them all shall we?

 

1. Comment in Vegas about some woman's butt and how he wanted me to take a picture of it.

2. Comment in front of coworker where he said he was sorry he hadn't been paying attention to me because he was checking another chick out.

3. being on yahoo messenger talking to girls.

4. posting an ad on Thanksgiving Day on a dating site (found out after the fact)

5. sexting the girl whose naked pic I found.

6. posting a personals ad 2 hours after we broke up.

7. friending a girl on fb who he had dated before me and who he had made plans with and cancelled them later when he and I started talking again. But when I officially called things off I found out that that day he started talking to her again.

8. Telling me he's gonna go out and have sex with all kinds of girls.

 

No....he doesn't have a problem. Not at all.

 

I feel like a first rate dummy....I saw/knew about some of the signs but I didn't pay attention to them.....I feel so stupid. I should have seen things but I was blinded to the feelings that I had. Now I just feel heartbroken because I feel like I should have known better. One of my friends said a lot of his nasty commentary to me is borderline mental abuse. I seem to agree with it, total mindgames since I won't respond in kind to his nastiness.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand why you would be feeling bad, but you're really going to have to just let it go. As I understand it, you broke up right after you found out about the sexting. What more could you have done?

 

I think you may have been hoping that your firm boundaries might have jolted him into working on his problems in order to be with you. Is that the case? I might have felt that way myself, but it did not work out that way ... after all is said and done, you only invested 4 months in this relationship. The hurt this left you with will fade pretty quickly. If there were real red flags all along that you willfully ignored, I don't think you'll do so again in the future. So, lesson learned.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The signs of any addiction can be invisible to someone who doesn't have experience with it. Don't worry. For you not to notice is a good thing; it means you aren't a sexual compulsive.

 

Please, stick to NC with this guy. It is a terrible idea to be relational with an active addict. And if you have problems staying away from him and other addicted people, you might an issue with codependency.

 

I think a lot of us blame ourselves for a bad relationship. It's not your fault and you did the right thing for ending it. I think you demonstrated courage and maturity through a miserable situation.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Loquacious Miss L.

Thank you so much. Yes I think that I did the right thing too and staying in no contact with him is the best thing for me. As much as it hurts now I think it will fade pretty quick.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Loquacious Miss L.

I feel more relieved the more time passes. Sex addiction or no, immature or no, this is not my issue to deal with anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...