385 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) Ok, so say I like this girl a lot. After spitting my game but getting rejected, we go our separate ways. However, even though I got rejected, I'm still interested in her. Then later, I see her dating this guy, who I think is a huge downgrade from me. I for some reason, immediately lose my interest in her. In fact, the thought that goes through my mind is, "wow, if that's what you're looking for, then good thing I didn't date you." And I easily move on from her i.e. I wouldn't even date her if she became single again. Does this thought process happen to girls? If you like a guy a lot, but he doesn't downright reject you but ends up dating this other girl, who is a downgrade in looks, do you immediately lose interest in the guy? Or do you still harbor interest in him thinking that if he were to break up, you could try to get him to like you again? In this case, the guy didn't reject you...he just never asked you out. Edited January 6, 2011 by 385 Link to post Share on other sites
pookster72 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 the only things ive ever known about those girls have been what the girls looked like and where they went to school. usually i like to make my own judgment of course, but what do i know about their relationship. if thinking about her with the other person helps you move on then that's good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 385 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 the only things ive ever known about those girls have been what the girls looked like and where they went to school. usually i like to make my own judgment of course, but what do i know about their relationship. if thinking about her with the other person helps you move on then that's good. don't know what you meant but we got to the same small college so i'm not stalking her because i see her on campus. but the main point of my post is to know if girls felt the same way i did when a 'lesser' person was asked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Knittress Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Many girls don't like guys who refer to other woman as 'lesser.' And no, I wouldn't be interested in someone that chose another over me. I figure they don't have the capacity to love me like I need to be loved, and feel it's no great loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 385 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Many girls don't like guys who refer to other woman as 'lesser.' And no, I wouldn't be interested in someone that chose another over me. I figure they don't have the capacity to love me like I need to be loved, and feel it's no great loss. Thanks for the response. What if you were a 9, but thought you were an 8 because all the guys were afraid to ask you out and the ones that do are tools and you don't like them. The guy you liked is a 9, but is dating a 7. Would you still like him? Pretend your a girl that has that type of personality. Now, the difference between you and this other girl is 2 points, which isn't that great. What would be your thought process? I'm very interested in women's psyche. Link to post Share on other sites
pookster72 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 don't know what you meant but we got to the same small college so i'm not stalking her because i see her on campus. but the main point of my post is to know if girls felt the same way i did when a 'lesser' person was asked out. i just meant that i've never had much basis to determine who was "better". Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I believe the terms I heard recently were 'old', 'fat' and 'ugly'. That's the PG version. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 385 Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 I believe the terms I heard recently were 'old', 'fat' and 'ugly'. That's the PG version. Wait did I break some forum code or something? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Ok, so say I like this girl a lot. After spitting my game but getting rejected, we go our separate ways. However, even though I got rejected, I'm still interested in her. Then later, I see her dating this guy, who I think is a huge downgrade from me. I for some reason, immediately lose my interest in her. In fact, the thought that goes through my mind is, "wow, if that's what you're looking for, then good thing I didn't date you." And I easily move on from her i.e. I wouldn't even date her if she became single again. Does this thought process happen to girls? If you like a guy a lot, but he doesn't downright reject you but ends up dating this other girl, who is a downgrade in looks, do you immediately lose interest in the guy? Or do you still harbor interest in him thinking that if he were to break up, you could try to get him to like you again? In this case, the guy didn't reject you...he just never asked you out. downgrade in looks? Maybe it wasn't about looks to this girl that rejected you. Looks are just the superficial. Link to post Share on other sites
Dotbat Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Thanks for the response. What if you were a 9, but thought you were an 8 because all the guys were afraid to ask you out and the ones that do are tools and you don't like them. The guy you liked is a 9, but is dating a 7. Would you still like him? Pretend your a girl that has that type of personality. Now, the difference between you and this other girl is 2 points, which isn't that great. What would be your thought process? I'm very interested in women's psyche. I would stop getting so hung up on the 1-10 scale. Looks aren't everything. I've seen plenty of guys most would consider a perfect 10 and never developed any desire to date them. They lacked personality traits that I value or we just didn't have the right chemistry. Maybe this girl likes her "7" because he isn't hung up on a points system. Link to post Share on other sites
Smoky Day Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 How do you know this guy's a downgrade...just because you think you are better looking? Better dressed? Maybe he's smarter than you, kinder, or funnier. Maybe he's thoughtful and attentive and treats her like gold. Maybe he's got an ENORMOUS package. You don't REALLY know who is the 'lesser' person, here. I don't assume that just because I think I'm hotter than someone, that means I'm a better person than they are. I'm not exactly Marie Curie and Mother Theresa rolled up into one, but hey, maybe they are. If I see him with a girl who acts stupid and dresses trashy and is obviously hitting on other guys or something, then I feel like he probably downgraded, and then I'd lose respect for him digging somebody with no class or intelligence. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Ok, so say I like this girl a lot. After spitting my game but getting rejected, we go our separate ways. However, even though I got rejected, I'm still interested in her. Then later, I see her dating this guy, who I think is a huge downgrade from me. I for some reason, immediately lose my interest in her. In fact, the thought that goes through my mind is, "wow, if that's what you're looking for, then good thing I didn't date you." And I easily move on from her i.e. I wouldn't even date her if she became single again. Does this thought process happen to girls? If you like a guy a lot, but he doesn't downright reject you but ends up dating this other girl, who is a downgrade in looks, do you immediately lose interest in the guy? Or do you still harbor interest in him thinking that if he were to break up, you could try to get him to like you again? In this case, the guy didn't reject you...he just never asked you out. She might think the guy she picked to be a better choice than someone who walks around evaluating how much better they are then others based entirely on looks. I know I would. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAsUsual Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I have dated men that weren't necessarily "lookers". Some people become more attractive when you get to know them and their personality. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 People on LS hate the 1-10 scale. Or being compared - lesser, better whatever. It's politically incorrect I guess, even though we ALL make these mental calculations every day. But back to OP, what you should have done was lose interest in her when she said no to you. Being interested in someone that isn't interested in you back is completely pointless. But kudos for approaching her and finding out. A no is better than not knowing. Now go out and get some more women. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Wait did I break some forum code or something? Nope, unless you've recycled an old LS ID, are female and just recently got divorced That was an example from real life about how potential 'competition' is sometimes viewed. I'm more of a live and let live kinda guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Smoky Day Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 People on LS hate the 1-10 scale. Or being compared - lesser, better whatever. It's politically incorrect I guess, even though we ALL make these mental calculations every day. But back to OP, what you should have done was lose interest in her when she said no to you. Being interested in someone that isn't interested in you back is completely pointless. But kudos for approaching her and finding out. A no is better than not knowing. Now go out and get some more women. No, not everyone thinks exactly the same, and not everything you disbelieve can be shrugged off as "PC". I make judgments about people, sure. I don't argue that. But I'm not shallow enough to think that I'm BETTER than someone just because I'm hotter than they are...people have too many dimensions for that. Maybe when I was twelve or thirteen and going through the hell of puberty, I thought like that. I chalk it up to hormones and adolescent competitiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 No, not everyone thinks exactly the same, and not everything you disbelieve can be shrugged off as "PC". I make judgments about people, sure. I don't argue that. But I'm not shallow enough to think that I'm BETTER than someone just because I'm hotter than they are...people have too many dimensions for that. Maybe when I was twelve or thirteen and going through the hell of puberty, I thought like that. I chalk it up to hormones and adolescent competitiveness. So you DO think you're hotter than some people. Don't you think that's exactly what the OP meant? The girl chose a guy that's less hot than he is. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I mean, this petty thought has crossed my mind from time to time with guys who rejected me. ("Man, I'm so much prettier than her, why is he with her now?") Not exes who I knew really, but more guys I never got to know. But I'd never find someone less or more appealing because of how pretty the other people they've dated were. My BF's last girlfriend doesn't look that pretty to me (others of his do), and I have no problem with that whatsoever. She's a really cool person. I suppose if a guy consistently dated people who were lacking in character, I'd think less of him. But chemistry isn't just about aesthetic beauty. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 If a guy had turned me down, I wouldn't care who else he dated; it's irrelevant. Whoever he dates, he's obviously more compatible with her than with me; she might be less pretty, but other aspects of her personality obviously fit him better. My current bf is less good looking than some of my exes, but he and I are much more compatible and happy together. My ex is with a girl who is less pretty than me, and I will admit I've had a few smug thoughts about it. But he fits with her much better than he fitted with me; he and I wanted different things out of life, whereas he has things in common with his new gf, and they have the same goals and dreams. She isn't bothered by aspects of him that really turned me off, and they're really happy together (I was never happy with him). The fact that I am a bit slimmer and prettier than her is somewhat irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 If a guy had turned me down, I wouldn't care who else he dated; it's irrelevant. Whoever he dates, he's obviously more compatible with her than with me; she might be less pretty, but other aspects of her personality obviously fit him better. My current bf is less good looking than some of my exes, but he and I are much more compatible and happy together. My ex is with a girl who is less pretty than me, and I will admit I've had a few smug thoughts about it. But he fits with her much better than he fitted with me; he and I wanted different things out of life, whereas he has things in common with his new gf, and they have the same goals and dreams. She isn't bothered by aspects of him that really turned me off, and they're really happy together (I was never happy with him). The fact that I am a bit slimmer and prettier than her is somewhat irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Oh, sure, and if I know the guy, and I can see that big picture, I don't get any petty thoughts at all. But it's the guys who I didn't know WHAT they wanted but I, for some reason, wanted them. . . that's where pettiness could creep in. It hasn't happened for a long time though, so maybe it was mostly when I was younger. I think it's a normal human way (not a good way; many normal things are terribly unhealthy, like McDonalds for the soul) of dealing with rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Even if I didn't know the guy that well, I'd assume he must see something in this other girl that he didn't see in me. It isn't necessarily a slur on me; different people just want different things, and she fitted what he wanted better than I did. I remember I was totally into this guy who chose a less pretty girl over me, but with hindsight they fitted together much better. I didn't know that he took drugs, but it turned out that he did, and so did she. She obviously suited him better than I did Link to post Share on other sites
Smoky Day Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 So you DO think you're hotter than some people. Don't you think that's exactly what the OP meant? The girl chose a guy that's less hot than he is. Uh, yeah, I know that's what he meant. And he also thinks that being less hot makes the guy a lesser person than him, and he thinks that her liking a physically average guy is so gross & revolting that he wouldn't even want to touch the girl now. That's extremely shallow and says something pretty negative about the OP's character, IMO. I have eyes, and I know what conventional beauty standards are. I know I'm better looking than some people, but I don't think they're "lesser" than me or that being around them instead of being around me is downgrading, I'm not that full of myself. There are plenty of people who are conventionally better looking than me, too, but that doesn't automatically mean they're better people. Link to post Share on other sites
Analeigh Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Does this thought process happen to girls? If you like a guy a lot, but he doesn't downright reject you but ends up dating this other girl, who is a downgrade in looks, do you immediately lose interest in the guy? Or do you still harbor interest in him thinking that if he were to break up, you could try to get him to like you again? In this case, the guy didn't reject you...he just never asked you out. Yes!! Before I started dating my boyfriend, I dated a guy for three months and he flat out disappeared. A few weeks later I found out he was seeing someone else and saw her picture - pure trash. She looked like she had just come out of the trailer park and was obviously really into freaky sex. I was still harboring feelings towards him, until that moment! It totally solved the problem, no way could I be with a man that wanted someone life that. He came crawling back to me a few weeks later, I told him I wasn't interested and blocked him from my phone, facebook, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Uh, yeah, I know that's what he meant. And he also thinks that being less hot makes the guy a lesser person than him, and he thinks that her liking a physically average guy is so gross & revolting that he wouldn't even want to touch the girl now. That's extremely shallow and says something pretty negative about the OP's character, IMO. I have eyes, and I know what conventional beauty standards are. I know I'm better looking than some people, but I don't think they're "lesser" than me or that being around them instead of being around me is downgrading, I'm not that full of myself. There are plenty of people who are conventionally better looking than me, too, but that doesn't automatically mean they're better people. I see your point now - the OP puts a lot of focus on looks, so you say he's shallow. But you'll probably be disappointed that the vast majority of people are like the OP. Good looking people even get paid more salary. Paraphrasing - life is a combination of beauty pageant, popularity contest, and blind luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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