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What to make of date asking me if I'm a player?


Gypsy_Soul

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I went on a date. This guy kept asking me every so often throughout if I'm a player. Even though I made it perfectly clear my intentions of seeking out a long-term relationship with a marriage minded man.

 

I don't know what to make of this, but I kind of got the feeling that he was either trying to take the focus off of him because he's the player or if he's gotten played before?

 

Mind you this is a 30 year old man and I'm a 33 year old woman.

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I did ask him. He kept saying he just wanted to know. I asked him do I look like a player or are you a player because you keep asking me? He said, no just curious.

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That's an awkward question, if he were a player he'd be a really bad one. I think he's been played before. But who hasn't? Being 30, he should be used to it by now. Strange that he kept asking the same question. Which is really dumb, because if the OP were a player, it's as if she'll admit it. An honest player is an ineffective player.

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Oh, I forgot to mention that he also kept asking me if I'm sure that me and my ex fiancée, who's also my baby's father, aren't going to work things out several times as well. I kept telling him no I'm sure we are not, no way ever in hell and it's been 2 years now since we've been split.

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Oh, I forgot to mention that he also kept asking me if I'm sure that me and my ex fiancée, who's also my baby's father, aren't going to work things out several times as well. I kept telling him no I'm sure we are not, no way ever in hell and it's been 2 years now since we've been split.

 

Wow, talk about insecurities. I thought women don't like men without confidence? Are you still attracted to him?

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Ok so are there actually any female players here? Any former players?

 

What's the mentality? I don't wanna criticize you, I just wanna see if the behavior is consistent with certain experiences I have had

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Mentality? They 'think' stuff rather than 'feel' it. Abject compartmentalization. It's really a gender-neutral phenomenon, save for the power of the p*ssy being a distinct advantage for the female player. I've seen it in action plenty and had the misfortune of loving a few.

 

If the guy in question has really been burned, as I have, he would not feel compelled to talk about it specifically, asking rather accusatory questions; rather he would use his great experience to *observe* and reach conclusions about compatibility without making comments. So, IMO, he's either a player himself and projecting or he's following some weird stimulation formula in the push-pull genre. Either way, the date ain't fun so bye-bye :)

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Mentality? They 'think' stuff rather than 'feel' it. Abject compartmentalization. It's really a gender-neutral phenomenon, save for the power of the p*ssy being a distinct advantage for the female player. I've seen it in action plenty and had the misfortune of loving a few.

 

If the guy in question has really been burned, as I have, he would not feel compelled to talk about it specifically, asking rather accusatory questions; rather he would use his great experience to *observe* and reach conclusions about compatibility without making comments. So, IMO, he's either a player himself and projecting or he's following some weird stimulation formula in the push-pull genre. Either way, the date ain't fun so bye-bye :)

 

AH HA

 

Yea I agree. I just went through something like this with a really pretty girl at work. I had been played before, so I did some careful observation of this girl. I eventually discovered the truth.

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I've seen it in action plenty and had the misfortune of loving a few.

 

Sorry to hear that, but most of us have. It's just part of life.

 

If the guy in question has really been burned, as I have, he would not feel compelled to talk about it specifically, asking rather accusatory questions; rather he would use his great experience to *observe* and reach conclusions about compatibility without making comments. So, IMO, he's either a player himself and projecting or he's following some weird stimulation formula in the push-pull genre. Either way, the date ain't fun so bye-bye :)

 

I don't think he is a player. He's saying all the wrong things. I think he's scared and insecure. Hardly a player.

 

But according to GorgeousGirl, he's cute. Chemistry goes a long way. People often are willing to disregard red flags because of chemistry.

 

So I say have fun. My guess is he's not a player; he sucks too much to be one, but he is strange, and GorgeousGirl eventually will have the full brunt of the strangeness smack her right in the face. But before that happens, it should be fun, if she really likes him.

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I had a really recent experience with this (female player) and am so happy long experience provided the tools for me to see it for what it was. The other men I do empathize with. One tip: A player is an elusive character. They often *seem* sincere, open and honest. It is their tool.

 

Perhaps it is an outburst of insecurity; if so, it's pretty alien to me and I was pretty insecure as a 30-something virgin in my past life. I can't ever recall such or similar dynamics playing out. Dating was fun and there was either chemistry or there wasn't. Had a woman approached me in that way I would have laughed and suggested that my player style is likely what's keeping me a virgin. ;)

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I had a really recent experience with this (female player) and am so happy long experience provided the tools for me to see it for what it was. The other men I do empathize with. One tip: A player is an elusive character. They often *seem* sincere, open and honest. It is their tool.

 

Perhaps it is an outburst of insecurity; if so, it's pretty alien to me and I was pretty insecure as a 30-something virgin in my past life. I can't ever recall such or similar dynamics playing out. Dating was fun and there was either chemistry or there wasn't. Had a woman approached me in that way I would have laughed and suggested that my player style is likely what's keeping me a virgin. ;)

 

Yea, they seem sincere. They even try to earn your sympathy, either by telling you about their past, making themselves seem so vulnerable, etc.

 

I fell for that once, and only once. I have met other players since then (and before then), but I was able to figure out what was going on before making any huge mistakes.

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