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To reach out or not to reach out?


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Old 21st November 2010, 10:40 AM   #1
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To reach out or not to reach out?

Basically I dated this woman about 3 weeks ago. Things were progressing fairly well. We went on 3 dates, we kissed a few times and I felt we were hitting it off. My only problem is that she is a bit flaky. Like I would leave her a message and not hear back for like a day or two. I would text her to see what was up and she would message me back in like an hour. Act like nothing is wrong. Anyway this happened again and I told her I would call her the following Thursday. I call her Thursday and leave her another message. She texts me back that she is out looking for cars and she would call me tomorrow. She texts good night and on Friday nothing. Saturday nothing. So I went into no contact mode.

Here are the possible reasons:
1. Perhaps things were going a bit fast for her.
2. She is not into me.
3. She met someone else
4. Total flake

Basically if she just said "Hey I met someone else." It would be fantastic. Even if it was just a lie because I can move on to the next opportunity.

I am still struggling with the urge to send a text and with completely moving on to the next prospect. I feel like this is salvageable for some odd reason. What should I do/what would you do?
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Old 21st November 2010, 10:47 AM   #2
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Dude, I'm completely in the same situation as you are.

I think I'm going to reach out to her. The whole thing ended rather abruptly and without any closure. I think it could have been a misunderstanding and I should have told her how I was feeling. I guess I have nothing to lose if I just give her a call. Maybe YOU have nothing to lose too. The worst she can do is say no thanks or simply not return my phone call. Then I'll know I have to move on.
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Old 21st November 2010, 10:53 AM   #3
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Dude, I'm completely in the same situation as you are.

I think I'm going to reach out to her. The whole thing ended rather abruptly and without any closure. I think it could have been a misunderstanding and I should have told her how I was feeling. I guess I have nothing to lose if I just give her a call. Maybe YOU have nothing to lose too. The worst she can do is say no thanks or simply not return my phone call. Then I'll know I have to move on.
I know what you mean. And it's not like I've never been rejected before. I just feel like she may not be that experienced dating wise. Or perhaps this is just a brand spanking new way of being rejected haha. Knowledge is power!

Another thing I struggle with is I'm fearful I'm going down this long creepy road where the only thing that will cement said rejection is a restraining order.

Last edited by BobSacamento; 21st November 2010 at 10:55 AM..
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:00 AM   #4
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The only difference I see in our situation is that my girl gave me a lot of attention in texting and phone calls. We would talk for hours sometimes. Either a text or a phone call at least every other day was the norm. But, she never made time to see me face to face. She said she was really busy, (major blow to the ego) but what if she really was interested in me and I bailed too soon? Makes me think I need to reach out one more time. I thought of all the same reasons you did for this behavior. Truth is we'll never know unless we try and find out. Eventually, we'll either find out or give up completely and launch. At the point of launch it will be easy to move on because we'll be just plain sick of the non-sense.
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:05 AM   #5
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I'm in the same situation too. The only thing stopping me from contacting her is it won't be as simple as her giving me something I can use as closure.

She'll apologize and tell me how great I am and how much I mean to her and how much she wants to be with me and then follow it up with something like, "I wish things were different".
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:10 AM   #6
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I'm in the same situation too. The only thing stopping me from contacting her is it won't be as simple as her giving me something I can use as closure.

She'll apologize and tell me how great I am and how much I mean to her and how much she wants to be with me and then follow it up with something like, "I wish things were different".
Oh brother. So I guess it could be worse.

(Said at the risk of sounding bitter) - They say they don't want to hurt our feelings...deep down they crave the attention. If she outright told you something like "It's not working out." How bad is that truly to take?
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:12 AM   #7
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Bob.. She is dating another guy...duh !!

The problem right now is that he is first place since he is getting most of her time.
Anytime I have run into this I ramped up the competitive side in me and basically showed her why she should be dating me instead of him.. of course she didn't know that I had figured out that she was dating another guy,

You can either just keep in contact with her hoping her and the other guy peter out and you are then moved up in first place or you can ramp it up.. start to woo her.. or just move on..

Dating...
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Last edited by Art_Critic; 21st November 2010 at 11:16 AM..
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:17 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Chat Room Hero View Post
I'm in the same situation too. The only thing stopping me from contacting her is it won't be as simple as her giving me something I can use as closure.

She'll apologize and tell me how great I am and how much I mean to her and how much she wants to be with me and then follow it up with something like, "I wish things were different".
I know how you feel. I tried to launch once before but she assured me she was very interested in me. So I stuck around.

This time I have a gut feeling it will be different. Hopefully we'll be able to talk about what our expectations are, or are not. We never did that before. Do you see where I'm going with this? This whole thing ended too prematurely IMO.

Some people are able to walk away from a relationship and I greatly respect them for their strength. I'm not so strong right now and in my case I think one last "reach out" is only the right thing to do.
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:20 AM   #9
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Bob.. She is dating another guy...duh !!

The problem right now is that he is first place since he is getting most of her time.
Anytime I have run into this I ramped up the competitive side in me and basically showed her why she should be dating me instead of him.. of course she didn't know that I had figured out that she was dating another guy,

You can either just keep in contact with her hoping her other guy peters out and you are then moved up in first place or you can ramp it up.. start to woo her.. or just move on..

Dating...
Perhaps you are correct. I thought it was odd that she would want to call me on a Friday. I never do that because I'm afraid I'll go out get wrecked at the bar or meet someone. Doesn't mean I want to cut her off, just want to live my life. Just generally Fridays are terrible time to call someone with the goal to set up a date. I just keep getting the sneaking suspicion on that Friday she really wanted ME to call HER.
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:41 AM   #10
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I had a similar problem with a girl and some member here gave me a wonderful advice. That is:

Instead of eating your brains out and wondering what happened, just call her and ask. Then you did what you have to do and the ball is in her court. You can decide to move on or not according to the result. Otherwise, all you will do is to end up spending all your day thinking about her, which becomes unhealthy after some point. I did this and I am glad I called her now. Take control of your life and define your own path. Do not wait for things to evolve themselves and spend your time on waiting for them.
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:41 AM   #11
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You mentioned your last date, was three weeks ago? How were things left after your third date...Was there a conversation about a 4th date at any point or was it left in the air?
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Old 21st November 2010, 11:50 AM   #12
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You mentioned your last date, was three weeks ago? How were things left after your third date...Was there a conversation about a 4th date at any point or was it left in the air?
The third date ended pretty well. There wasn't a conversation about a fourth but that I'd call her. I haven't been flaky on my end, I called her but she never returned my call. So I reached out to her with a text after I called her and she said she was busy and didn't check her VM.
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Old 21st November 2010, 12:05 PM   #13
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The third date ended pretty well. There wasn't a conversation about a fourth but that I'd call her. I haven't been flaky on my end, I called her but she never returned my call. So I reached out to her with a text after I called her and she said she was busy and didn't check her VM.
Well if she hasn't returned your call after that, then yeah, it doesn't look good. If you called me right after the last date, I'd assume it was because you wanted to see me again and if I were interested, I'd continue to be receptive to that. But, it doesn't sound like she is, based on the above.
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Old 21st November 2010, 12:25 PM   #14
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Well if she hasn't returned your call after that, then yeah, it doesn't look good. If you called me right after the last date, I'd assume it was because you wanted to see me again and if I were interested, I'd continue to be receptive to that. But, it doesn't sound like she is, based on the above.
That is pretty much why I stopped contacting her. It was just certain things that kind of threw me off though. Like after the third date why say "I'd invite you in but my roommate is home so it would be kind of weird."
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Old 21st November 2010, 12:52 PM   #15
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My brain was running in circles also trying to make excuses for her excuses & I finally just went with the stupid obvious answer.

If she wanted to talk to me, she'd call me back.
If she wanted to see me, she'd make solid plans with me.
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