A guy that DOESNT try to get in my pants....but what the heck does he want?!

[missmebaby]

So I've been "hanging out" with this guy now for the past month. He is 28 and I am 24. We met on adating site and he has told me that he is not looking for anything serious as he recently got out of a long relationship. I asked him what he was looking for and he said that was hard to answer but he was definitely not looking for a friends with benefits and he was not looking to date multiple girls. Soooo what the heck does that mean? But I didnt push it any further.

 

We've hung out about 6 times altogether in the past month and every time he tells me hes had a great time. He always tells me I look nice, he insists on paying for dinner, hes bought me roses. He seems like a genuine good guy. He has his own house, has a good job, hes never cocky or condescending towards women. In fact hes been very respectful and attentive towards me. BUT then theres the fact that he disappears for a few days where he doesnt call or text me. He never talks about relationships, never hints about whether he likes me or not, and then tonight I came over and he made me this fabulous dinner and then we layed on the couch and watched a movie but he barely touched me. Ive kissed him once and it was 2 weeks ago when he came to my house to hang out and it was I that made the move. The only reason I know this guy even likes me at all is the fact that hes so sweet towards me (likes tonight he kept asking me if I was cold, if I was comfortable.) The fact that he keeps hanging out with me, and sometimes he will mention things in the future and include me in it.

 

I have no clue what to think....does he just want a warm body to keep him company because hes not used to being alone? He doesnt try to get in my pants and never mentions sex so I know hes not just looking for that. Any idea what this guy's deal is? And what should I do? Tonight I was going to kiss him when I left but I felt like he hadnt touched me all night so why would I think he wanted to kiss me? Its just really weird....I cant figure him out at all.

Edited November 8, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Surrealist]

Awwww he's looking for mummy. Very sweet.

[befreckled]

Was in a similar situation once and, for me at that time, it boiled down to two possibilities as well.

 

a) he is extremely shy and wants to take his time. one month is not a long time to date someone.

 

b) he could be unsure and likes the company because he doesn't know what it's like to be alone.

 

A friend of mine was dating a guy for two months before he even kissed her. They are married now. When she asked him why, he said that he wanted to prove himself to her, that he wasn't a jerk, that wasn't into her for sex that he really liked her and she was worth the wait.

 

In my situation, the guy just didn't want to be alone and I was a convenient date for most occasions. We watched movies, we went to dinners, always the both of us, always considerate.

 

So, it'll take abit of time but I wouldn't make any more moves if I were you. If it is scenario a than I'd need him to work for it. You already have made it clear that you like him by kissing him first.

[nice-easy-day]

A friend of mine was dating a guy for two months before he even kissed her. They are married now. When she asked him why, he said that he wanted to prove himself to her, that he wasn't a jerk, that wasn't into her for sex that he really liked her and she was worth the wait.

 

It's possible that this guy is really into you and doesn't want to screw things up. It's been my experience that when the sex starts too early in a relationship it can complicate things. I wouldn't mind not kissing for awhile in a new relationship but people have differing views on that. Most in here will say you should be kissing on the second date or you're friend zoned. I'm not sure about that but okay.

 

Now here is the thing. If I like a girl and I start kissing her it's very VERY hard for me not to go for the next level. He might really WANT to kiss you but knows where it will lead... and fast.

[Tim The Enchanter]

Can't you try to get into his pants? When you have sex, do you just lie there?

[missmebaby]

well sure i could try to get in his pants but like i said in my post he hadnt even touched me all night, i take that kind of body language to mean that he doesnt want to do anything physical. we were laying on the couch together and he didnt put his arm around me, or even rest his hand anywhere on me.

[utterer of lies]

well sure i could try to get in his pants but like i said in my post he hadnt even touched me all night, i take that kind of body language to mean that he doesnt want to do anything physical. we were laying on the couch together and he didnt put his arm around me, or even rest his hand anywhere on me.

 

"**** me or **** off!"

 

Why do you want to waste your time when it's going nowhere....

[missmebaby]

well i dont know if its going nowhere or not. i dont mind things going slow...its just that ive never met a guy that lets it go this slow. i just cant read this guy....hes all about hanging out, cooks me a fabulous dinner, tells me how nice i look and then when we lay together he doesnt touch me like im the plague or something. we could have sat on the couch like friends but he asked me to lay down and we were in the spooning position but he didnt even rest a hand on me, try to cuddle me, nothing.

 

i posted today on my facebook "little bit confused, sometimes i wish i could read minds." and i know he saw it because he signed on right after i posted it. so the ball is in his court, he had to of wondered if it was about him.

[Akherousia]

well i dont know if its going nowhere or not. i dont mind things going slow...its just that ive never met a guy that lets it go this slow. i just cant read this guy....hes all about hanging out, cooks me a fabulous dinner, tells me how nice i look and then when we lay together he doesnt touch me like im the plague or something. we could have sat on the couch like friends but he asked me to lay down and we were in the spooning position but he didnt even rest a hand on me, try to cuddle me, nothing.

 

i posted today on my facebook "little bit confused, sometimes i wish i could read minds." and i know he saw it because he signed on right after i posted it. so the ball is in his court, he had to of wondered if it was about him.

 

I'm going to tell you what you can do to get the state of things to advance.

 

1) You go up to him.

 

2) You open your mouth.

 

3) you say; are you attracted to me?

 

Depending on his answer, now you know where you stand.

 

It's quite easy. Don't expect him to read your mind. And stop acting like a virgin, expecting the guy to jump your bones.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I have no clue what to think....does he just want a warm body to keep him company because hes not used to being alone? He doesnt try to get in my pants and never mentions sex so I know hes not just looking for that. Any idea what this guy's deal is? And what should I do? Tonight I was going to kiss him when I left but I felt like he hadnt touched me all night so why would I think he wanted to kiss me? Its just really weird....I cant figure him out at all.

 

Just give it some time. Some guys don't like to go fast. That usually is a good sign.

 

Was in a similar situation once and, for me at that time, it boiled down to two possibilities as well.

a) he is extremely shy and wants to take his time. one month is not a long time to date someone.

b) he could be unsure and likes the company because he doesn't know what it's like to be alone.

A friend of mine was dating a guy for two months before he even kissed her. They are married now. When she asked him why, he said that he wanted to prove himself to her, that he wasn't a jerk, that wasn't into her for sex that he really liked her and she was worth the wait.

In my situation, the guy just didn't want to be alone and I was a convenient date for most occasions. We watched movies, we went to dinners, always the both of us, always considerate.

So, it'll take abit of time but I wouldn't make any more moves if I were you. If it is scenario a than I'd need him to work for it. You already have made it clear that you like him by kissing him first.

 

These reasons are all solid.

[missmebaby]

akherousia: i said in my original post that i made the first move weeks ago. he doesnt have to try to read my mind, i already got the ball rolling by making the move to kiss him. and how am i acting like a virgin for wondering why he has attempted NO physical contact? i believe its a valid question when we have been hanging out for a month and we have kissed but his body language has me in the friend zone

[Akherousia]

akherousia: i said in my original post that i made the first move weeks ago. he doesnt have to try to read my mind, i already got the ball rolling by making the move to kiss him. and how am i acting like a virgin for wondering why he has attempted NO physical contact? i believe its a valid question when we have been hanging out for a month and we have kissed but his body language has me in the friend zone

 

You kissed him. How about getting naked? Maybe he'll get the picture then?

[musemaj11]

Why do women put so much value on whether a guy is sexually interested to them?

 

He likes to spend time with you and he treats you nicely. Why not just see where it goes?

 

Its one thing if you cant wait to bed this guy. But if you wanna have sex with him just to prove that he is interested in you? Thats pretty sad.

Edited November 8, 2010 by musemaj11

[missmebaby]

i dont want to get naked with him yet....i dont want to have sex with him yet. if hes just taking things slow then thats wonderful! but im not sure if thats what hes doing or if he is just using me as someone to keep him company because he just got out of a relationship and hes lonely.

[BrianK]

I am going to say he's shy and also afraid of getting attached to you because he probably just had his heart smashed to bits by his ex.

 

Give it time...he likes you...when he says you look nice thats what he's telling you.

[Art_Critic]

i posted today on my facebook "little bit confused, sometimes i wish i could read minds." and i know he saw it because he signed on right after i posted it. so the ball is in his court, he had to of wondered if it was about him.

 

That is kind of a confusing message.. why play a game ?

[Idalis]

Why do women put so much value on whether a guy is sexually interested to them?

 

He likes to spend time with you and he treats you nicely. Why not just see where it goes?

 

Its one thing if you cant wait to bed this guy. But if you wanna have sex with him just to prove that he is interested in you? Thats pretty sad.

 

+1

if he just wanted company there would be no need for flowers and for him paying for dates. He's obviously interested, and in a respectful way.

1 month is NOT a long time to not jump someones bones that you might be interested in for the long term!

 

and for goodness sakes don't resort to your facebook status to discuss your feelings for him to interpret, thats just childish IMO

[missmebaby]

i didnt send that message to him...actually he wasnt really supposed to see it. he rarely gets on facebook. i just post how i feel sometimes on the main page of facebook but it happened that he signed on like 10 mins after i posted it so he probably saw it

[810]

Its one thing if you cant wait to bed this guy. But if you wanna have sex with him just to prove that he is interested in you? Thats pretty sad.

 

+1

if he just wanted company there would be no need for flowers and for him paying for dates. He's obviously interested, and in a respectful way.

1 month is NOT a long time to not jump someones bones that you might be interested in for the long term!

 

and for goodness sakes don't resort to your facebook status to discuss your feelings for him to interpret, thats just childish IMO

 

i agree.

if you like his company, then enjoy it. if it doesn't turn out to be "in relationship" then at least you guys can still be friends, be comfortable and hang out afterward.

[Art_Critic]

i didnt send that message to him...actually he wasnt really supposed to see it. he rarely gets on facebook. i just post how i feel sometimes on the main page of facebook but it happened that he signed on like 10 mins after i posted it so he probably saw it

 

Facebook sends your friends a note on their news feed..

So he saw your change of status on his news feed and sometimes they have their preferences set to send them an email

 

You should know that.. you are a facebooker..

 

IMO changing your status knowing he will see it was just a game..

It doesn't look good from the other side..

[Untouchable_Fire]

Facebook sends your friends a note on their news feed..

So he saw your change of status on his news feed and sometimes they have their preferences set to send them an email

You should know that.. you are a facebooker..

IMO changing your status knowing he will see it was just a game..

It doesn't look good from the other side..

 

100% agree!

[missmebaby]

thats what i just said.....i posted it on the main page aka news feed. i know any of my friends can see it but like i said i didnt think he would see it because he rarely gets on facebook and especially not in the morning because he never gets up before noon.

[missmebaby]

wow kind of feel sick to my stomach....i found out the name of the ex that he just ended a relationship with. I googled her name to see if she had a facebook profile or anything where i could maybe find any clues to why they broke up or what the story between them was. well my search revealed a wedding page for the two of them. they had a date set for next summer.

 

no wonder hes not ready for anything serious...and if he kisses me he probably feels like he is still cheating on her. they were together for 4 years and engaged....poor guy i dont know what to do....

[carhill]

i dont know what to do....

 

Sure you do. Have a face-to-face talk with him. Get to the bottom of things. Be open and honest. Encourage him to do same. Resolve it, one way or another.

 

You have no idea how he feels about his dissolved engagement unless he tells you directly.

 

If you're not in a hurry, enjoy the attentions of a good man. What will come will come.

[Star_Bright]

Hi. I'm wondering if you know what his experience was in his last relationship?

 

From what you write he reminds me of a guy I dated once who took things really, really slow. In the beginning I had to push everything -- I kissed him first, I made it really obvious I wanted/ was ready to have sex with him, I told him I loved him first, I asked him what our status was in terms of boyfriend/girlfriend. After awhile I felt pathetic but I could sense that he liked me and was just "shy" or something, it was weird.

 

Our relationship lasted a long time (too long ) and it always had that same tone. It turns out that he was dumped by his ex fiance right before they were to get married. So he had a hard time opening up and trusting me or really letting himself get close to me. This never got any better... I usually had to initiate sex or deep conversations and even then he would hedge and not give me his true thoughts for fear I wouldn't like them. It was really frustrating and now I think that a man should be a man. He should make the moves, let you know he's into you, and open up and trust you. That's the only way it can work. That's just what I learned from my sitch and hopefully yours will turn out differently... I just don't know what it is with these guys being shy!!! Not fun.