Jump to content

Am I overreacting?


Livelovelearn

Recommended Posts

Livelovelearn

Hello LSers

I recently have been dating this guy for about 5 or 6 months, after getting out of a messy relationship with my first love of 3 years. Anyway i do like this guy but its nothing compared to my ex, and i miss him. Anyway lately i find myself arguing with him. Today i asked him for his house phone number (he rents a little place) and he said he was not ready to give it to me. I should add i have his cell number and he always answers my call but the point is it would be nice to have the # in case of emergency.

 

The background about him is he also recently came out of a 7 yr relationship with an ex who cheated on him (same as me, except 3 yrs). And we do like eachother alot. His ex is the only one who has his house # and when he said he was not ready i felt hurt, like he didnt trust me. He said he will on his time when he feels comfortable. I got really mad and just hung up on him because i was so angry. I am good to him and he doesnt even trust me (atleast i feel that way)

 

Months before i found him on facebook and told him to add me, but he said no because he has his ex on there and he wants to avoid drama. That hurt me but i understood.

 

Now our relationship is unique because i know he still has feelings for his ex as they talk still but no physical relationship and he tells me everything and recently my ex has cut me off. But anyway my question is was i overreacting to this situation?

Link to post
Share on other sites

He's not giving you his house number because if you call it when he's not there, another woman will answer.

 

I bet you good money I'm right. There's no other justifiable reason for him to not give it to you.

 

Same thing with Facebook. I bet he's "in a relationship" or even "married" on there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Livelovelearn

Stargazer i thought it would be something like that but the thing that confuses me is hes a bit of a clinger to me, and he tends to call me alot and we literally talk all the time so i mainly know where he is most of the times. I do feel he doesnt bring other woman to his house and i literally mean we are always on the phone when im not there. Just couple weeks ago he brought me to his dads and his grandparents house. I dont know...maybe i should ask him about if his ex comes over, he claims he doesnt see her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Confusedalways

Oh my word-- I'm so sorry. This is clear as day.

 

There is absolutely another woman. No sane man dating one woman acts like that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Livelovelearn

well i know that he still loves his ex of 7 years..i mean thats a long time...and they talk but he told me they are not physical, he has alot of things that he doesnt want ppl to know about which he told me about..just things in the past so he keeps a low profile (not hiding from women)...i dont know ..he does tell me when he talks to her or when he sees her around at the mall or something...our relationship is weird where he complains to me about her when they do talk on the phone...and he does show me appreciation..it is weird though..thanks for the opinions but what should i do?.......i also told him that if he ever decided to go back to his ex i wont hold him back as he is much older than me and who am i to stop someone from finding love and marriage..he also told me if my ex comes back and i wanna go to him, he understands.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He is in a relationship.

 

The whole ex thing is a smokescreen.

 

Maybe I could see no Facebook, but not no phone number.

 

He is currently with someone.

 

he is much older than me and who am i to stop someone from finding love and marriage

How old are the two of you?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Livelovelearn

well i have his cell phone # and he has shown me things that they talked about he does show me his messages..plus he uses the cell all the time. his house phone is rarely used as he lives in a basement of someones house but i know his ex knows that number so why cant i?...im 20 and he is 31

Link to post
Share on other sites
machiavellian

The problem here is not that he won't give you his home phone number, it's that NEITHER of you are over your exes, and not only that, he still has contact with his.

 

Why would you date such a person?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with most everyone here. He's shacked up with her. It's probably her basement he's living in. It's entirely possible they are not getting along which is why he's spending so much time with you but she's most definitely more in his life than he's leaving you to believe.

 

What should you do? Run away from this drama you're gonna get burned!

Link to post
Share on other sites
machiavellian

I guess I don't have personal experience to draw from, but am I the only person that thinks it's completely bizarre to date someone for "5 or 6 months I guess" and not know this person is in a relationship with another person? Are they dating long distance? Has she actually been dating him that long and she hasn't been to his house? Or what?

 

Agree that there is something not right, but confused as to why it's "crystal clear" that he is married or living with his non-ex-gf?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Livelovelearn

I think i have been misunderstood.

We are not putting a title to our relationship because i stated that. But i do have feelings for him as he does with i. His ex broke up with him a year ago and they talk as friends yet he does tell me things about her, such as her being rude to him and so on. I go over to his house all the time, and i seen his landlord which is an old lady so no he does not live at his exes house.

 

TO UPDATE: finally we got into an arguement and i told him whatever dont talk to me cause i was upset over the number issue and he finally gave it to me.

 

I dont understand why he made such an issue. We talk and text all the time when we are not together, and it is not long distance we live in the same city he comes to pick me up all the time. The times we are not together is when he is at work but he calls me all the time, or when im at school or at work but i maintain contact while im doing my busy activities. We are completely open with eachother , it is a unique relationship so i understand if i have confused you.

 

I just felt we tell eachother everything (even things related to our exes) so why couldnt he give me the number in the first place, he doesnt trust me? well now he gave me the number but i had to push him for it which i didnt want so to me theres a bigger issue here and no its not another woman im not as naive as i used to be, bbut i know shes not coming over to his house. We literally talk all the time people please keep that in mind he is clingy towards me so i know what he is doing always with him volunteering the information.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can definitely say that if someone I was dating for 5 months didn't want to be Friended on FB, or didn't want to give me their home phone number, bright red alarm bells would ring. I don't think you're overreacting, and would probably be just as troubled.

 

It's not hard to tell when somebody is trying to hide something from you (unless you've given him some kind of reason not to want you to call his house?)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Have you met his friends or family?

 

My feeling is either he is still in a relationship or he sees you as something casual, not anyone who will be a real part of his life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Livelovelearn

i have met his family and friends, but he claims he has been with his ex for 7 years and she knows everything about him and therefore shes the only one who knows the #, but really its just a number...so i dont get it..i know he does some things that i guess he keeps a low profile on but does he think ill give out his #...i did tell him that if he ever screwed me over that i would do some stuff to his bike as a joke because he has said similar things to me..regarding to cheating because we both been badly hurt by this

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...