Katherineos123 Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Ive been seeing this guy semi casually for about 6 months. He lives 2 hours away, so we see each other when we can... we're not exclusive. I get along really well with him, and he treats me like a queen. This past weekend he told me he loved me... and I just couldnt say it back. There have been times when Ive felt compelled to say it, but something always holds me back.... I told him that I needed time, and that it meant a lot to me to hear that from him. He just said he needed me to know the truth, and that he understands. This guy is amazing, he treats me wonderfully, and aparently... he loves me. So then what the hell is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Nothing is wrong with you. You just don't love him.. Nothing wrong w/that Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Ive been seeing this guy semi casually for about 6 months. He lives 2 hours away, so we see each other when we can... we're not exclusive. You're not a monster, and there's nothing wrong with you. You're just not all that interested in him, plain and simple. Sure, you "get along with him," but you don't seem to be enthusiastic about him at all. Maybe you're sticking around only because he treats you as well as he does. I'd tell him to LAUNCH... Link to post Share on other sites
Sabali Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 This guy is amazing, he treats me wonderfully, and aparently... he loves me. So then what the hell is wrong with me? Well, give us more of some background and we can tell you what the hell is wrong with you. No problem. Nothing wrong with not saying those words though. Link to post Share on other sites
Surrealist Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Yeah appears you just don't have the same feelings he does. Poor guy. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Nothing wrong with not saying those words though. I think has nothing to do with saying the words...just from reading the tone of OP's first post, I get that feeling that she's very meh about him... Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 This guy made a classic mistake. Had he waited for you to say it first, things may have been different. Guys getting ahead of girls with feelings usually doesn't end well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katherineos123 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 I cant tell how much of me not being able to say it back is because Im unsure of my feelings, or because Im afraid to verbalize them... Like mostly everyone, Ive been burned pretty badly before. Like I wrote, I have felt moved enough to want to tell him I loved him, but my mind always holds me back, I think about him a lot, and when he's not around, I miss him. It breaks my heart to think I hurt him... He says I have issues with intimacy, Im beginning to think he's right. Link to post Share on other sites
Sabali Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I think has nothing to do with saying the words...just from reading the tone of OP's first post, I get that feeling that she's very meh about him... Agreed. Let me be more clear... There is nothing wrong with not saying those words or not having the feelings that are associated with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Surrealist Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Two things: 1) The intimacy issue could well be right. I understand that cos I have it a bit myself: In-to-me-see - I don't like opening up to anyone and bad experiences in the past will do that and can continue if left untreated or unresolved. 2) For the sake of this guy, you should really get your feelings sort out one way or the other and reciproacte or let him go. I just feel the current situation in this scanario is leading him on. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I love lamp. Seriously I think people make too big a deal out of this love thing. It's like hollywoods romanticized version of how relationships should work. You enjoy being around him, think about him, and care about him. To me that's "love" or however those people chose to embody that particular word. So meh, if it makes him happy say it. Not saying don't believe it when you say it (ie. don't be dishonest! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 You're not a monster--just a confused woman. If you enjoy being around him and he makes you feel good, then you can probably see if your feelings will change. Sounds to me like you're into him plenty, tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I cant tell how much of me not being able to say it back is because Im unsure of my feelings, or because Im afraid to verbalize them... Like mostly everyone, Ive been burned pretty badly before. Like I wrote, I have felt moved enough to want to tell him I loved him, but my mind always holds me back, I think about him a lot, and when he's not around, I miss him. It breaks my heart to think I hurt him... He says I have issues with intimacy, Im beginning to think he's right. You feel strong enough about him to be more that semi-casual? Can you be exclusive? I think he is going the extra mile to show he cares. I think he sees you've been burned pretty bad and he is giving you space... and all the signals to say he is different. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I cant tell how much of me not being able to say it back is because Im unsure of my feelings, or because Im afraid to verbalize them... Like mostly everyone, Ive been burned pretty badly before. Why hold back on this guy when you told the losers that you love them? How is that fair? I don't know if this guy will burn you or not, but it seems more likely you're going to burn him. You sound like a girl who isn't really attracted to a guy, but he's hanging around so what the heck. For some reason, nice guys seem to get the fortified walls and jerks get the hearts. I will never understand dating, but thankfully understanding dating is not required to end up happy and content in life . Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Nothing wrong with not being able to say those words- a lot of us have trouble with those words. I have trouble with those words, I don't take the "I love you" lightly. Just because he said it doesn't mean you should feel pressured to say it back. It doesn't make you a monster because he feels it and you are unsure. If keeping it casual is where you are at, and he's into the "I love you", it's probably time for you to take a step back and figure out where you see this relationship going. If he's put his feelings out there and you don't think you can go there with him- it's probably best to step away. Link to post Share on other sites
that girl Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Personally I can't imagine saying I love you to someone I wasn't exclusive with. Why hold back on this guy when you told the losers that you love them? How is that fair? I don't know if this guy will burn you or not, but it seems more likely you're going to burn him. You sound like a girl who isn't really attracted to a guy, but he's hanging around so what the heck. For some reason, nice guys seem to get the fortified walls and jerks get the hearts. I will never understand dating, but thankfully understanding dating is not required to end up happy and content in life . Seriously? There is nothing here to suggest she is some kind of maneater. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 You're not a monster, and there's nothing wrong with you. You're just not all that interested in him, plain and simple. Sure, you "get along with him," but you don't seem to be enthusiastic about him at all. Maybe you're sticking around only because he treats you as well as he does. I'd tell him to LAUNCH... I think has nothing to do with saying the words...just from reading the tone of OP's first post, I get that feeling that she's very meh about him... Hokie, I don't think it's fair to say she's "meh" about him or that he (the one who loves her) should LAUNCH her simply because she's unable to return some very, very serious sentiments after only 6 months of a casual, non-exclusive relationship. Those three little words are a really big deal for most people, not to be thrown around lightly. Just because she's not ready to declare love doesn't mean she's "not all that into him"... Perhaps if they were actually in a relationship she'd feel the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 (edited) Ive been seeing this guy semi casually for about 6 months. He lives 2 hours away, so we see each other when we can... we're not exclusive. I get along really well with him, and he treats me like a queen. This past weekend he told me he loved me... and I just couldnt say it back. There have been times when Ive felt compelled to say it, but something always holds me back.... I told him that I needed time, and that it meant a lot to me to hear that from him. He just said he needed me to know the truth, and that he understands. This guy is amazing, he treats me wonderfully, and aparently... he loves me. So then what the hell is wrong with me? You're not a monster ,you will hold back until and if you are ever ready to say it. nothing wrong with that. I'm recanting my earlier statement. If you love him , you will say it when you're ready to. Forgive me, I'm the real monster Edited October 12, 2010 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
elaina Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Ive been seeing this guy semi casually for about 6 months. He lives 2 hours away, so we see each other when we can... we're not exclusive. I get along really well with him, and he treats me like a queen. This past weekend he told me he loved me... and I just couldnt say it back. There have been times when Ive felt compelled to say it, but something always holds me back.... I told him that I needed time, and that it meant a lot to me to hear that from him. He just said he needed me to know the truth, and that he understands. This guy is amazing, he treats me wonderfully, and aparently... he loves me. So then what the hell is wrong with me? You're not a monster and nothing is wrong with you! My best friend's reply when her now fiance told her he loved her was "thank you." lol She was so embarrased after that and called me and said why did I say that? But, she is a very honest person who will only say "I love you" if and when she's absolutely truly sure she does. About 3 months later, she told him she loved him, and he was estatic! It's cool that you don't think love is a word/action to be taken lightly and thrown around. I'm not saying at all that this guy is doing that. Some people are sure they love someone faster than the other person, like my best friend's fiance knew he loved her and told her so before she knew she loved him. That just happens sometimes. Not everybody has the exact same clock, and that's ok. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Hokie, I don't think it's fair to say she's "meh" about him or that he (the one who loves her) should LAUNCH her simply because she's unable to return some very, very serious sentiments after only 6 months of a casual, non-exclusive relationship. Those three little words are a really big deal for most people, not to be thrown around lightly. Just because she's not ready to declare love doesn't mean she's "not all that into him"... Perhaps if they were actually in a relationship she'd feel the same way. I agree with that. However, my belief that she is very 'meh' about him comes from the tone and content of the post, not from the fact that she couldn't return the three words. Those three words are very significant to me as well, and they are not words I throw around lightly. Even if you removed the whole 'I love you' component of OP's first post, I would still come to the same conclusion. The guy should LAUNCH not because OP didn't return the words (that's ridiculous) but because after 6 months this relationship seems more casual than it does serious in the eyes of OP. But then again, I could be wrong. This is just my initial belief. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_nicky Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 This guy made a classic mistake. Had he waited for you to say it first, things may have been different. Guys getting ahead of girls with feelings usually doesn't end well. I agree, so true.. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 again, I think it's weird people think her saying she thinks about him a lot, misses him when he isn't around, and cares about him<I love you. Personally I'd rather hear the first thing. I think the "I love you" bull**** is only there because it's some kind of goal we look to attain. Love. Whatever movies made that goal out to be. Being a longterm goal, people just idolize it/worship it/however you want to put it. People just put love on a pedestal as something very difficult and impossible to achieve, probably only happen once in your life (ie. the question have you ever been in love?). The Buddha's goal in life is "The end of suffering" or something of that nature (ugh i'm a ****ty buddhist!). It isn't "Eternal happiness" or something that can be idolized for that reason. The buddha didn't want life's goal to be something that COULD be idolized, so he framed it appropriately (no more suffering, rather than eternal happiness).... hope that makes sense! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katherineos123 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 (edited) Wow. Thank you all so much for putting in your 2 cents, even if I didnt want to read some of it I appreciate the majority of you telling me you dont think Im some sort of ice queen! The entire reason why I feel like our relationship hasnt progressed into something more serious, or committed is because he lives too far away... Ive told him from the get go that Ive already done the long distance thing, and I will never do it again... So the only way we can be together is if one of us moves to the other, and its not going to be me. So, perhaps that is part of the reason why Im hesitant. Ive really always had trouble with saying those words. I certainly dont throw them around willynilly... Dispatch, I found your post to be intruiguing. The notion that receiving the "I love you" award is something to be attained... Thats probably true but, they certainly MEAN something, whether its devised or not. I wont lie, I felt like a million dollars when he said it. I mean, I had a physical response from it, I felt my heart race, my face burned, and my palms got sweaty... Obviously there's some serious power in those words... And thats terrifying to me. Hokie: your interpretation stuck with me as well, Im afraid this is what he's going to think... And I wouldnt blame him. I really genuinely care about him... more than any other man. Since we cant BE together entirely, I like the set up we have now... And Im afraid the L bombs will change everything. Maybe he needs it to change, Maybe I should ask him that? Sage, Im honestly not trying to hold back on this guy... He is a wonderful guy. I feel as though Id be doing both of us a disservice by telling him I loved him, when I cant say that I do 150%. Maybe Im romanticizing it. But I would think he too would prefer me to say it when I know I mean it. Neither of us have brought it up since the night of the drop. I dont see him saying those words to me again, until I say them first... Edited October 13, 2010 by Katherineos123 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted October 13, 2010 Share Posted October 13, 2010 Hokie: your interpretation stuck with me as well, Im afraid this is what he's going to think... And I wouldnt blame him. I really genuinely care about him... more than any other man. Since we cant BE together entirely, I like the set up we have now... And Im afraid the L bombs will change everything. Maybe he needs it to change, Maybe I should ask him that? And when I said that you were 'meh' about him, it didn't necessarily mean that you didn't care about him or that he wasn't a good guy, but that circumstances may prevent you from feeling more than 'meh' about him. And there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. That's why I feel there's a distinction between the person and the relationship. This guy might be a great catch, but the circumstances of the relationship might not be what you're looking for... As Star Gazer () often says, you should search for the perfect relationship and from that you will find the perfect man. Link to post Share on other sites
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