coloredinks Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 Let's say you're just getting to know somebody who is in your circle of friends, you hook up and then date for a bit, but it doesn't go anywhere. Can you turn into friends, or is it usually too awkward? Link to post Share on other sites
welikeincrowds Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 Well gee I dunno, is there a specific person you have in mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Lemontang Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 If your on the same level then yes. I've experienced this before. But you do need to be on the same page as in you both don't have any feelings for each other above friends, else the dynamic doesn't work very well. Most people though would cut ties and simply keep civil and at arms length with future run ins and not go out of their way to catch up. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 Absolutely, but you can't have ANY romantic feelings or be attracted to them. My two best guy friends were born of the situation you described, but necessarily required the terms I mentioned above before we could ever really be friends. It took YEARS, it doesn't happen overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
TaurusTerp Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 Absolutely, but you can't have ANY romantic feelings or be attracted to them. My two best guy friends were born of the situation you described, but necessarily required the terms I mentioned above before we could ever really be friends. It took YEARS, it doesn't happen overnight. I don't understand. You hooked up with them, and somehow now are not attracted to them? It just turned off like that? To OP: Yes, entirely possible. Actually probably 1/3 of my female friends were hookups/girlfriends first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coloredinks Posted September 29, 2010 Author Share Posted September 29, 2010 I didn't realize it was so difficult. What if you just enjoy each other's company but realize you don't work as a couple, yet there's still attraction? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 I don't remain friends with failed dating relationships. Acquaintances, maybe, but I would never go out of my way to talk to them. But then again, I don't really 'hookup' with anyone in my circle of friends... Link to post Share on other sites
Author coloredinks Posted September 29, 2010 Author Share Posted September 29, 2010 I don't remain friends with failed dating relationships. Acquaintances, maybe, but I would never go out of my way to talk to them. But then again, I don't really 'hookup' with anyone in my circle of friends... what if it's not a relaitonship. You just date casually for a bit but decide you're not compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 what if it's not a relaitonship. You just date casually for a bit but decide you're not compatible. When I said dating relationships, I meant to include both failed dating attempts and full-on relationships...I don't sense the need to keep those folks around...I have enough friends... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 I don't understand. You hooked up with them, and somehow now are not attracted to them? It just turned off like that? To OP: Yes, entirely possible. Actually probably 1/3 of my female friends were hookups/girlfriends first. No, I don't understand. You did it. Why don't you think it's possible?? Are you saying you ARE attracted to your female friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 Over 25 years, I've dated a lot of people & am good friends with maybe 3 of them. I'm friends with them because I didn't try to be their friend, it happened naturally. Friendship can't be forced & when it's right, it'll happen. I'm a low drama person so I am usually on a friendly basis with all of my exes, but I don't consider them friends. I might see them at a party and chat, but I don't call that friendship. I think it's a better use of one's time to be friends with men/women you haven't dated. My very best male friends have always been strictly platonic. In fact, part of the closeness arises from the fact that we didn't have the messines of dating. One last thing. In my experience, friendship arises after a period of NC/LC. I know it sounds crazy to go NC after a couple of dates, but it really works. I dated a guy for only a month. We went NC for 8 months & then over the course of a year, we became friends. NC works the same for casual dating. It helps you get to the point where you are healed and don't care. And then either you never see the guy again or you begin to weave a tenuous friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coloredinks Posted September 29, 2010 Author Share Posted September 29, 2010 (edited) When I said dating relationships, I meant to include both failed dating attempts and full-on relationships...I don't sense the need to keep those folks around...I have enough friends... I don't. I'm trying to make more at least. The problem is most/many of the guys I'm interested in becoming friends with I am also attracted to for the same reasons: I like them as people. Edited September 29, 2010 by coloredinks Link to post Share on other sites
TaurusTerp Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 No, I don't understand. You did it. Why don't you think it's possible?? Are you saying you ARE attracted to your female friends? Yes, exactly. I still find them (and honestly, most of my female friends) attractive. I dont see how it would just turn off like that. Hot is hot; whether or not we're compatible in any other way is irrelevant to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coloredinks Posted September 29, 2010 Author Share Posted September 29, 2010 Yes, exactly. I still find them (and honestly, most of my female friends) attractive. I dont see how it would just turn off like that. Hot is hot; whether or not we're compatible in any other way is irrelevant to me. so you only befriend hot women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author coloredinks Posted September 29, 2010 Author Share Posted September 29, 2010 I think it's a better use of one's time to be friends with men/women you haven't dated. My very best male friends have always been strictly platonic. In fact, part of the closeness arises from the fact that we didn't have the messines of dating. But don't you find this difficult to do with men? Assuming you and a guy are both attractive and you have the kind of connection that would lead to a friendship, it's usually only a matter of time before sparks fly. Link to post Share on other sites
TaurusTerp Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 so you only befriend hot women? Or I have low standards :bunny: ...kidding. No, I do have friends that many men would probably consider unattractive. But yes, I probably only go out of my way to talk to women I am attracted to. And if I think there's no way it would go further for whatever reason, but they're interesting people I try to develop a friendship. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 Yes, exactly. I still find them (and honestly, most of my female friends) attractive. I dont see how it would just turn off like that. Hot is hot; whether or not we're compatible in any other way is irrelevant to me. I think there's a HUGE difference between finding someone attractive, and being attracted to them. Ultimately, with the guys in question, we weren't compatible in a dating sense...so that made me lose attraction to them (and them to me, I suppose). But they're great people, and we have tons in common, so over time we wound up friends. But again, this transition took YEARS. It wasn't a flip of a switch or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
TaurusTerp Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 I think there's a HUGE difference between finding someone attractive, and being attracted to them. I guess that's why I'm a dude. I can see a difference in these two, but not really. There's a physical attractiveness and a personality attractiveness. But I'm attracted to the personality of all my friends, even the dudes (NO HOMO). I always have been and always will be physically attracted to the same women, though. I (We?) just know it won't go further than friendship again. Well, barring lapses in judgment where you hook up again later...but that's a different story. Link to post Share on other sites
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