Cause for concern? !

[Confused1Ack]

So I've been dating this girl for about a month now and it's been going swimmingly. We've gone on about 6-7 dates and we talk every day. The dates all have gone extremely well and we've been holding hands, kissing,....I don't know, showing affection. So what exactly is the problem? Well the problem is that still has this revolving door of men in her life. She gets asked out a lot and because she is so nice, she has a tough time saying no. These dates never really go anywhere though and I've been the only one she's been seeing seriously. She however isn't ready to commit yet and I just have a sinking feeling that I'm simply just her plan B. It sure as hell doesn't seem like it when we're together, but I have to question why she keeps on letting new men enter and leave her life. This action makes me feel like I'm simply not enough for her and makes me feel inadequate. She keeps telling me that she really likes me and stuff but why does she keep letting new men enter her life? Am I getting played? She says that she simply doesn't know what she wants you and is afraid to commit to the wrong person. She's a very sweet, nice, and kind girl and I'm inclined to believe her on what she says but maybe I'm just lovestruck and am being blinded by the truth. Her revolving door is painful for me as I'm starting to have feelings for her now and to know that she is with new guys all the time when she isn't with me absolutely sucks. I just would like some advice on the matter. Should I give her an ultimatum and a deadline? Or do I just wait it out and hope that she eventually comes around? Or perhaps I'm just being a fool and I'm overreacting? Or maybe she's just not even that into me? I don't know, PLEASE HELP ME!

[atlnay]

So I've been dating this girl for about a month now and it's been going swimmingly. We've gone on about 6-7 dates and we talk every day. The dates all have gone extremely well and we've been holding hands, kissing,....I don't know, showing affection.

 

So what exactly is the problem? Well the problem is that still has this revolving door of men in her life. She gets asked out a lot and because she is so nice, she has a tough time saying no.

 

Seeing her times in one month, almost twice a week, plus daily talks is a LOT of time for her to entertain you AND other men. Does she work? Is she in school?

 

And sorry, I don't think she has a tough time saying no. She may very well like the attention. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Her revolving door is painful for me as I'm starting to have feelings for her now and to know that she is with new guys all the time when she isn't with me absolutely sucks.

 

End it. For this reason alone, you can't handle the situation and you are not happy. You really should end it.

 

I just would like some advice on the matter. Should I give her an ultimatum and a deadline? Or do I just wait it out and hope that she eventually comes around? Or perhaps I'm just being a fool and I'm overreacting? Or maybe she's just not even that into me? I don't know, PLEASE HELP ME!

 

No ultimatum...she already told you:

 

She however isn't ready to commit yet and I just have a sinking feeling that I'm simply just her plan B.

 

You can wait, since she enjoys your company and isn't ending it with you. But are you prepared to be in an open relationship? Do you want to date other people? If both answers are no, you shouldn't wait.

 

And you're not a fool or overreacting. She told you she wasn't ready to commit, you are hoping things will change. What you need to decide is, is it more painful to be with this chick who you like than to leave her alone. It's not like she pretends she's not dating and she obviously makes time for you. She's not having any issues in the relationship and likes things how they are.

 

You can ask her for exclusivity, after a month is kind of short in my mind, but that's just me. And if she refuses, you do what's best for you. Good luck.

[SecretSquirrel]

It sounds like she has already told you what the deal is, so I get the impression that it's not up for discussion (yet again).

 

She told you what she's about, and if you don't like it, stop asking her out.

Edited September 28, 2010 by SecretSquirrel

[Confused1Ack]

Hey guys thanks for the responses.

 

I feel like I should clarify a few things. Things are not as bad as I made them seem in my first post. I was kind of chock full of emotion there and kind of went on a rant. I'm actually quite happy with things are going.

 

I guess the only annoying little thing I am dealing with is the fact that she is dating new guys. I would be ok if she was dating several guys rather seriously. I feel like that sends the message of "I'm not ready to decide on who I want to be in a relationship with yet." The fact that she is saying yes to all these new guys and then ditching them soon after seems to say "I haven't found anyone I want to be in a relationship with yet." Am I wrong in this assessment?

[Feelin Frisky]

I think your concern is normal. It's certainly disconcerting to be having a relationship with someone who is not making it clear to you where you rate by virtue of her accessing herself to other guys. You're in somewhat of a lose-lose position where putting your foot down might just close the door on you. Since the affair is new and you haven't said that she's gone all the way with you, perhaps whether or not she does and how well she does at it will tell you more--like whether you are meaningful to her as a love or whether you're just a pass time or meal ticket.

 

I have definitely been through that. I dated a girl and treated her like royalty. But she was slow to get busy with me in bed and it proved to be revealing. Either she was just poor in bed or just doing enough to keep me feeding her ego and feeding her favors. I learned the ultimate lesson when after helping her move and get set up in a new apartment--making many trips with my small car during an entire week, she rewarded me that weekend on my birthday by standing me up. She called me the next day to take her to the beach. In the car the wind blew back her hair and revealed a big hickey someone else had planted on her while I waited all dressed up with flowers for her on my birthday. That pretty much told me to read the unreadible woman with no rose colored glasses.