EyeAlone Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks now. Things have been going pretty well thus far until he dropped the bomb on me the other day by discussing things about me that make him feel uncomfortable. For instance, he is a few years older than me and due to his career, he has had the opportunity to travel all over the world. Due to my financial situations and the fact that I’m stuck in school, I have not had such opportunities. Anyway, he says that he feels uncomfortable with the gap in world experience between us. Having said all this, he says that he still wants to see me to see how things progress. I can’t lie: I really like this guy. Although he said that he still wants to continue dating, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s all futile since he already made up his mind that my lack of world experience makes him uncomfortable. I don’t want to end things prematurely if he says he wants to keep dating me but at the same time I do not want to pursue something that he has already has a pessimistic viewpoint. What would you do if you were in my situation? Any advice? Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 He is older , working professionally, and travels with work. You are younger, a student, and tied down. All of those things are simply circumstances that go with the rest of your individual lives. They are not advantages or disadvantages. It is not as though he can travel recreationaly whenever he wants and you cannot ever go anywhere. It is not as though he is the CEO of a corporation and you want nothing more than to be a cashier. Your normal student aged circumstance make him uncomfortable???? Oh, but sure he would still like to date you so...he'll forgive you your normal circumstanced life? Honey NO. Ok you like the guy. Ok you want to keep seeing him. And he wants to keep seeing you, so no problem with that. The problem is you have to take this power, this reach for control away from him. He is trying to point out to you that he does not feel your circumstances are up to his par but he will still hang out with you. NO. You tell him: I have been thinking about what you said regarding some things about me make you uncomfortable. I guess your pointing them out actually made me think that I am uncomfortable with that. Why dont you think about all of it again and call me only when and if you are very comfortable with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Knittress Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 What would I do? Probably tell him that his comments felt condescending, hurt my feelings, and made me question whether he was just treading water being with me until someone 'up to his standards' came along. Then I'd see whether he reacted to this with kindness or irritation. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 Have you had sex yet ? I really think he means that you guys aren't a match but banging you would be great.. IMO... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 I really think he means that you guys aren't a match but banging you would be great.. Seconded.. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 What would I do? Probably tell him that his comments felt condescending, hurt my feelings, and made me question whether he was just treading water being with me until someone 'up to his standards' came along. Then I'd see whether he reacted to this with kindness or irritation. For me it wouldn't matter how he reacted. What kind of a person does this to another while pretending to have any interest in or use for them at all???? Link to post Share on other sites
Knittress Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 For me it wouldn't matter how he reacted. What kind of a person does this to another while pretending to have any interest in or use for them at all???? Well, hm. I see your point. But I also think people should be able to express doubts and concerns in a relationship, without the other party jumping down their throat. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe, yeah, he meant "It's not going anywhere, but I'll still bang you." I'd watch him closely for further signs of a-holery. Link to post Share on other sites
that girl Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 How old are you both? My hunch is the issue isn't travel, the issue is how young you are and he is letting you know it won't be serious. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 Someone who genuinely cared about you, the person, would not dream of saying such a thing. He would be thrilled that you were dating him. This guy is putting you down. Personally, if someone said that to me I wouldn't want to continue with him, but if you really, really like him and want this to work, then you need to let him know that you won't accept this put down. You could do this subtly, by just spending a little less time with him and finding other things to do. He will realise you are missing and wonder why. If you are sometimes too busy for him - in the nicest possible way of course - then that might redress the balance a little. It's hard to disrespect someone you have to work to get to see. Would I bother with these tactics? No, I think I'd call him on his put-down and tell him he clearly didn't have strong enough feelings for me. I would rather find someone less superficial. I think I'd have switched off the minute he said it actually and decided to spend my time with people who didn't feel awkward in my company. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 Your normal student aged circumstance make him uncomfortable???? Oh, but sure he would still like to date you so...he'll forgive you your normal circumstanced life? Honey NO. Ok you like the guy. Ok you want to keep seeing him. And he wants to keep seeing you, so no problem with that. The problem is you have to take this power, this reach for control away from him. He is trying to point out to you that he does not feel your circumstances are up to his par but he will still hang out with you. NO. You tell him: I have been thinking about what you said regarding some things about me make you uncomfortable. I guess your pointing them out actually made me think that I am uncomfortable with that. Why dont you think about all of it again and call me only when and if you are very comfortable with me. Everything 2sure said, couldn't agree more! Link to post Share on other sites
jamesum Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 This guy must be so rich. Dont lose him. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire Salamander Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 I've been in this situation before, except the line used on me was... I feel like we're in different places in our lives Even if you were to convince him otherwise, he'll just come up with another excuse. I would drop him and say I wouldn't want to inconvenience you any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 What would you do if you were in my situation? Any advice? Thanks in advance! Refrain from dating people who are uncomfortable with you and whom express that discomfort clearly and verbally. IMO, it's *how* he expressed the differences which make him undateable/unworthy. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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