My ex has put me in a pretty uncomfortable situation.

[durkadurka]

I will make this as brief as I can.

 

3 months ago, I broke up with my ex of nearly 2.5 years.

 

We lived together, had fun together, but life, and family problems pushed us apart. I am still in school in the city I live in, her parents are a financial catastrophe on the other side of the continent, and I couldn't reconcile the burden her family was going to be while I was in school. Simply put, I wasn't willing to move across the country, quit school, quit my fairly high paying job to risk me being able to bail us out if something went wrong.

 

She moved back there to help them only partly to help them, but also because our relationship wasn't moving forward.

 

From my perspective, until this issue with her parents became more clear I wasn't prepared to let it advance. There are a few other problems, but this is the main one. As time went on, we grew apart because we started to focus on the problems and not the GREAT times we had.

 

We were planning on getting married.

 

 

Okay now that the preamble is over with

 

3 months ago she moved out of our apartment and moved home. She hadn't lived at home for nearly 7 years, and was pretty lonely. Her family situation is very intense due to the situation down there, and their family antics has proven to be challenging for her.

 

For the first two months she was down there, she was calling me 2-3 times a day, venting, crying, and my family and I was there to support her. Eventually I ended up flying down there to visit, we had a blast together, it was probably the best time I've had in years, but potentially also the worst decision I've made in years.

 

About a week after I got home, and telling me how much she missed me and wished I'd stayed longer, she stops calling (around August 10th).

 

I get one call August 18th, and then she goes MIA for 2 weeks. Being concerned, I sent her an email asking her if she's okay. She never gets back to me, so I call her. Goes to Voice Mail.

 

(August 30th) Eventually I get a phone call saying that she's okay, that she's busy, doing well, but the call sounds really odd, she's hiding something. She's dating someone. Great - Whoopdeedoo, she met the guy a week after I left. Long story short, everything I've heard about the guy leads me to believe he's a complete loser. But that's not important.

 

Hurtful? Yeah maybe. I worked really hard to make sure she had a great time.

 

 

Aside from a brief email asking her what she wanted me to do with the stuff she left behind in the apartment, I completely fell off the face of the Earth when it came to communicating with her.

 

By the way, she never returned my email in regards to what she wanted to do with her stuff.

 

No texting, no emailing, no calling. Nada, nothing. She used me. The Monkey Theory was in full effect here.

 

After nearly 3 weeks of not talking, I get a phone call money from her. I don't want to talk to her. It goes to voice mail where she leaves a VERY nervous message, asking me how I'm doing, that she hopes my work week started off well, and that I can call her back if I would like to.

 

I don't.

 

3 days pass, I get a text message saying 'Not going to return my call?'

 

Ignore it.

 

She calls me today, I finally pick up because I'm starting to get irritated. After what she did there should be no question as to WHY I am really bothered by this.

 

The conversation is pretty one dimensional, she asks me how I am doing, what my living situation is like (she knows I'm moving out of our old apartment), how school is going, and how my family is. I respond pretty mundanely, and ask her what her work situation is like down there.

 

I get a pretty vanilla response that it's a roller coaster, that she's not sure if things are going to work out down there, but she wants to have an apartment for October if things are going to work. If things aren't going to work out, she's going to go to South America indefinitely with a friend.

 

I take this opportunity to point out to her that some of what she said when she called me last was hurtful and pissed me off and that I don't really know what to tell her.

 

Her response: I don't remember our last conversation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honestly, this whole experience has been a challenge. I've tried my best to be the best person I possibly could be to her, despite the hard situation we're both in. I feel like I was dumped in the trash disposal.

 

What adds to it all is the fact that she's calling to 'check in' the time to check in ended 4 weeks ago when she started dating someone else. So far as I'm concerned, I can't possibly fathom why she would want to talk to me. She talked to my grandmother last week, so she knows exactly how I am doing.

 

For the longest time I acted like I owed her something for not being as good of a boyfriend as I could possibly me, but now I'm starting to realize she has really hurt me as well and that I am really at the end of my tether, and I don't know how to tell her what I feel about this whole situation. It was even more insulting that she claims she doesn't remember what we talked about last, because for me it was seared into my mind's eye.

 

I finally moved on past this thing and she calls and starts badgering me when I don't call her back? If she wants me to ease her conscience she's looking at the wrong guy. The reality is this has been a very trying experience for me and I feel pretty used up. Despite my flaws I tried really really hard and I'm finding it a complete mind **** that she decides to start calling me again.

 

I think after this much time I've forgotten that I'm actually a bit of a stud. I'm back into playing 3 sports, 5 classes at school, working 25 hours a week still, and I'm good looking (lost 10 pounds since I found all of this dirt up).

 

 

Simply put, I don't know what this girl wants from me, she's put me in an uncomfortable situation, and I don't know what to do.

Edited September 17, 2010 by durkadurka

[tami-chan]

Tell her you are not interested in going back to where you were...or block her number.

[durkadurka]

Tell her you are not interested in going back to where you were...or block her number.

 

Well, I am interested in going back to where we were. Unless you mean going to a confused back post break up phase.

 

I told her that from the very beginning, but that we each have stuff we need to get done.

 

She needs to help resolve her family issues, and needs to figure out what she wants in life. Heck, she's still not sure what continent she is going to be on. I need to finish my school, and need to live a more balanced lifestyle. Our life together became too extreme because of what we had to give up to be together.

 

But I need time to bring myself back up to a level where I am confident in myself, and feel like I am on equal terms.

 

As she said, we were like two cups 75% full, and as each of us ran into a problem, we poured ourselves into the other person's cup. It just wasn't healthy.

 

When we broke up our relationship started to get healthier, there was a lot less pressure. We had a lot more fun. I flew down to visit her and we had a blast.

 

We went to a roof top bar one night, and I reiterated that we each have things we needed to do to make ourselves better (I guess she interpreted that I meant that I wasn't making plans for her, the contrary actually, but I didn't want to bring up our 'relationship' when she said she didn't want a long distance relationship). She was still very much into me.

 

I took her parents out for dinner, and left her a 3 page note to read the day she left, and I'm pretty sure she shed a tear.

 

She followed that up by saying she wishes I had stayed longer.

 

A few weeks later, obviously the story is quite different. She said I made no attempt to talk to her about our future etc.

 

Now we are where we are, and I don't know what to think, but I really feel I don't have the benefit of being able to think about it.

 

It's just got to end, and she's pretty pragmatic, so I don't know why she's bothering to 'check in' it assumes a certain amount of familiarity that she's no longer entitled to.

Edited September 18, 2010 by durkadurka

[tami-chan]

Ok, you broke up but was still in contact, you visited and had a blast, you stuck to your guns and told her you each still have things to accomplish-translation: "we are not back with each other and must forge ahead with our lives apart". So she had a rebound..could be because of a number of things: 1) to get over you 2) to "teach" you a lesson 3) maybe she was just plain lonely. Then realized, she really does love you and wants to "reconnect". You don't, right? You do not want to get back with her? So.....? Tell her the truth about what you want and if the calls are bordering on pestering or stalking...block her number.

[durkadurka]

Ok, you broke up but was still in contact, you visited and had a blast, you stuck to your guns and told her you each still have things to accomplish-translation: "we are not back with each other and must forge ahead with our lives apart". So she had a rebound..could be because of a number of things: 1) to get over you 2) to "teach" you a lesson 3) maybe she was just plain lonely. Then realized, she really does love you and wants to "reconnect". You don't, right? You do not want to get back with her? So.....? Tell her the truth about what you want and if the calls are bordering on pestering or stalking...block her number.

 

Hey Tami,

 

let me clarify, I told her that I need to work on myself and be a better person before I could be the person she wanted and deserved. I was not in a position financially to be able to move and go to school where she is now and I in my parting letter I told her how much I cared about her and that I want her to be a part of my future.

 

I also told her that I was simply unable to juggle a relationship with her, work and a full class load, and that we each had things we needed to do before we could be together.

 

I guess she misinterpreted that. I wouldn't fly 3500 miles , spend a small fortune, and take 10 days off to visit someone I didn't love.

 

By her own admission I still had a chance down there to be with her.

 

We had so much fun, and I do want to be with her Im the future but both of us are in transition and it is so hard. I also thing hurt feelings need some time to heal.

[MrHalfJack]

okay, i recently found out my girlfriend cheated on me for the second time. we both lived in minnesota, and were engaged at one time, until she cheated on me the first time. i decided to forgive her, because i loved her and didn't want to live without her. years went by with no cheating. then we moved to utah with her family. this May she went to minnesota with her family because of the graduations of two of her brothers (one in college and one in high school). she offered the possibility of coming back in about a month, but that didn't happen. one month turned into two, then three, then four. i was stuck in utah by myself, with nothing to do but pick up her stepdad's paychecks (he's a truck driver) and take care of the cats (that aren't even mine). i also have had a hard tiime finding a job. i have been here over a year now and still haven't found work. anyway, it was terrible sitting around, thinking of my girlfriend, waiting for emails, in misery. and then there was the day when i found out in an email that she was staying with a guy she met on the internet in omaha. i was freaking out, but she said they were just friends, and i had nothing to worry about. she finally got here in september, and a week went by before she told me. i got an email saying she wanted to spend some time apart, and she admitted to cheating on me again (with the guy in omaha). i was in shock. so, she went back to minnesota a few days ago with her mother, who works there at a post office. she offered the possibility of coming back at a later time to stay or just to visit. but, we both still want to be friends, so i am at least gratefull for that. i just don't really have any friends. she was all i had, and all that kept me going. so, now i am desperate to find a friend (female), that i can either keep as a friend, or maybe develop into something more. thanks for reading.....

Edited September 18, 2010 by MrHalfJack

[AverageJoe]

Dude, you are in school for a career goal right? Dont let her ever impede on your desire to succeed. Ever. I can tell by your post she is hampering that somewhat.

 

You have no biz being in a relationship while you are at school. Put your head down and get your degree(s) you dont need any stones around your neck. Hone your craft and get your career path underway. Do not let her kill your aspriations. You are there for a reason and dont lose sight of that. In the meantime get laid and have fun.

 

Once you get your education under your belt she will be an afterthought in regards to who you will be able to pick later. Do you really think this is the hottest piece of ass you will ever be able to land?

 

C'mon. Wise up man.

[tami-chan]

Hey Tami,

 

let me clarify, I told her that I need to work on myself and be a better person before I could be the person she wanted and deserved. I was not in a position financially to be able to move and go to school where she is now and I in my parting letter I told her how much I cared about her and that I want her to be a part of my future.

 

I also told her that I was simply unable to juggle a relationship with her, work and a full class load, and that we each had things we needed to do before we could be together.

 

I guess she misinterpreted that. I wouldn't fly 3500 miles , spend a small fortune, and take 10 days off to visit someone I didn't love.

 

By her own admission I still had a chance down there to be with her.

 

We had so much fun, and I do want to be with her Im the future but both of us are in transition and it is so hard. I also thing hurt feelings need some time to heal.

 

So you do not want to be with her NOW, but want her to wait around until you can heal from your "hurt feelings", be financially ready, etc.etc....I see, and I thought "only" women do this ! You need to just cut her loose. You can't tell what is going to happen in the future. I mean, heck if she wants to wait around for you, that is her decision, I guess !

 

Seems like you are a cake-eater. In the sense that you want your freedom but want her to wait around for you, too and thus the dilemma. I don't know, durkax2, an indecisive man is a bit of a turn off...but that's just me.

[tami-chan]

okay, i recently found out my girlfriend cheated on me for the second time. we both lived in minnesota, and were engaged at one time, until she cheated on me the first time. i decided to forgive her, because i loved her and didn't want to live without her. years went by with no cheating. then we moved to utah with her family. this May she went to minnesota with her family because of the graduations of two of her brothers (one in college and one in high school). she offered the possibility of coming back in about a month, but that didn't happen. one month turned into two, then three, then four. i was stuck in utah by myself, with nothing to do but pick up her stepdad's paychecks (he's a truck driver) and take care of the cats (that aren't even mine). i also have had a hard tiime finding a job. i have been here over a year now and still haven't found work. anyway, it was terrible sitting around, thinking of my girlfriend, waiting for emails, in misery. and then there was the day when i found out in an email that she was staying with a guy she met on the internet in omaha. i was freaking out, but she said they were just friends, and i had nothing to worry about. she finally got here in september, and a week went by before she told me. i got an email saying she wanted to spend some time apart, and she admitted to cheating on me again (with the guy in omaha). i was in shock. so, she went back to minnesota a few days ago with her mother, who works there at a post office. she offered the possibility of coming back at a later time to stay or just to visit. but, we both still want to be friends, so i am at least gratefull for that. i just don't really have any friends. she was all i had, and all that kept me going. so, now i am desperate to find a friend (female), that i can either keep as a friend, or maybe develop into something more. thanks for reading.....

 

Sorry Mr.Halfjack, but you need to start you own thread. Cut and paste and start your own...thanks!

[durkadurka]

Dude, you are in school for a career goal right? Dont let her ever impede on your desire to succeed. Ever. I can tell by your post she is hampering that somewhat.

 

You have no biz being in a relationship while you are at school. Put your head down and get your degree(s) you dont need any stones around your neck. Hone your craft and get your career path underway. Do not let her kill your aspriations. You are there for a reason and dont lose sight of that. In the meantime get laid and have fun.

 

Once you get your education under your belt she will be an afterthought in regards to who you will be able to pick later. Do you really think this is the hottest piece of ass you will ever be able to land?

 

C'mon. Wise up man.

 

I am hardly going to a top tier school and I am finishig my degree because it is something that needs to be done. She is not without blame when it comes to this situation either.

 

She graduated a year ago and got a work visa for Canada but never applied for a job, instead she worked her same job as a nanny and got miserable and lonely. I tries my best but it took it's toll on both of us and made us unhappy with eachother.

 

My only regret is that we got on so well after the pressure was off and didn't take advantage when I was downthere.

 

I just really didn't think enough time had passed for either of us.

 

I just really am hurt by the fact she started dating a guy a week after I left.

 

I also don't know how she can just pick up the phone and act like nothing happened.

[durkadurka]

So you do not want to be with her NOW, but want her to wait around until you can heal from your "hurt feelings", be financially ready, etc.etc....I see, and I thought "only" women do this ! You need to just cut her loose. You can't tell what is going to happen in the future. I mean, heck if she wants to wait around for you, that is her decision, I guess !

 

Seems like you are a cake-eater. In the sense that you want your freedom but want her to wait around for you, too and thus the dilemma. I don't know, durkax2, an indecisive man is a bit of a turn off...but that's just me.

 

uhh I would like to be with her now, unfortunately that means we would need to get married now so I could move to the USA, or apply to go to school down there and pay 20k a year without a job. I can't afford that.

 

She was offered a 6 figure salary job up here before she left but declined it bc her family is going bankrupt in the states And she needed to help them.

[MrHalfJack]

Sorry Mr.Halfjack, but you need to start you own thread. Cut and paste and start your own...thanks!

 

 

i am new at this. i started a new thread like you said, but, not sure of why i had to. i thought what i said was related to what the first guy said. i mean, it was the same topic....

[durkadurka]

i am new at this. i started a new thread like you said, but, not sure of why i had to. i thought what i said was related to what the first guy said. i mean, it was the same topic....

 

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh <facepalm>

[robdrm32]

uhh I would like to be with her now, unfortunately that means we would need to get married now so I could move to the USA, or apply to go to school down there and pay 20k a year without a job. I can't afford that.

 

She was offered a 6 figure salary job up here before she left but declined it bc her family is going bankrupt in the states And she needed to help them.

 

to me it comes down to you choosing your career path over your relationship with her.

 

It's not right or wrong. It is the decision you made and the consequence is you two no longer being together.

 

She probably doesn't mention this other guy because she doesn't want to hurt you.

 

Either talk to her about it or forget about her.

[durkadurka]

to me it comes down to you choosing your career path over your relationship with her.

 

It's not right or wrong. It is the decision you made and the consequence is you two no longer being together.

 

She probably doesn't mention this other guy because she doesn't want to hurt you.

 

Either talk to her about it or forget about her.

 

It's not a career path, it's an issue of the fact I cannot move down there. I wasn't willing to gamble everything, job, school, life, to move down there with her when she couldn't decide if she was going to be in South America, Europe, or in the States, or doing Law school in the next 6 months. The only way she was going to stick around was if I gave her exactly what she wanted.

 

I couldn't, and she would have left anyways to help her family. Family comes before everything.

 

At this juncture in our relationship, it would be unwise to get married. It would be a desperate reach.

 

Anyways, the thing is, I don't know what to tell her now.

 

Circumstances have kind of put us in a position where we can't be together, but she seems to want to be 'best friends' still, and takes offense when I don't call her back. I explicitly told her that because of the situation, I didn't want to talk to her.

 

What a mind frack.

Edited September 18, 2010 by durkadurka

[Banker Chick]

Other than being in different countries, this is pretty close to the situation my ex and I are going through.

 

He's going back to school (at 39) to become a teacher and also working full time. We were fighting (for some valid and some not so valid reasons) and he finally a month ago told me he didn't have it in him anymore to deal with the emotional ups and downs. He wanted me to give him some time and space with no commitment and be friends and "see what happens". Well, I told him if we weren't effectively working on something then I wasn't going to wait around. I started dating (more out of being pissed) and he hasn't liked that. He's mentioned that all he asked for was some time and space and I had to go out and find someone else.

 

But really, and I've asked him this, what did he expect me to do? He'll be in school for the next two years pretty much full time like he is now so I was supposed to just live my life and not date and basically save myself for him? Yes, it's true that he has quite a few things to work on before he can be a good partner (and I don't mean getting his degree) but I would still expect to be in his life as more than a friend. If I'm only viewed as a friend, then all bets are off.

 

We've talked several times and spent the day together last Saturday and he fully admits that he sees us being together ... he just doesn't think it's fair that he can't give me what I need right now. Unfortunately, now that this break has happened and I've been dating, I'm starting to see he's right.

 

You can't be mad that she started dating. Like I told my ex, "You didn't want to be with me so I had to accept that and move on".

[durkadurka]

Other than being in different countries, this is pretty close to the situation my ex and I are going through.

 

He's going back to school (at 39) to become a teacher and also working full time. We were fighting (for some valid and some not so valid reasons) and he finally a month ago told me he didn't have it in him anymore to deal with the emotional ups and downs. He wanted me to give him some time and space with no commitment and be friends and "see what happens". Well, I told him if we weren't effectively working on something then I wasn't going to wait around. I started dating (more out of being pissed) and he hasn't liked that. He's mentioned that all he asked for was some time and space and I had to go out and find someone else.

 

But really, and I've asked him this, what did he expect me to do? He'll be in school for the next two years pretty much full time like he is now so I was supposed to just live my life and not date and basically save myself for him? Yes, it's true that he has quite a few things to work on before he can be a good partner (and I don't mean getting his degree) but I would still expect to be in his life as more than a friend. If I'm only viewed as a friend, then all bets are off.

 

We've talked several times and spent the day together last Saturday and he fully admits that he sees us being together ... he just doesn't think it's fair that he can't give me what I need right now. Unfortunately, now that this break has happened and I've been dating, I'm starting to see he's right.

 

You can't be mad that she started dating. Like I told my ex, "You didn't want to be with me so I had to accept that and move on".

 

It's true.

 

I missed out on my opportunity to tell her I was still working towards something with her. Her friends encouraged her to have me down. The thing is, she said I never wanted to discuss our future, despite the fact that I was respecting the fact she said she didn't want an LDR, and that I shouldn't have any expectations when I came down.

 

But like I said, I told her that it wasn't our time but I saw us together in the future. I told her I didn't want to sell her on a wing and a prayer, and that I needed to get my ass in gear and let my work and effort demonstrate how committed I was to this. Hell, I took 10 days off of work, and spent an insane sum of money to come down and visit her. I thought that the amount of fun we had with each other would have been enough to convince her that the future between her and I could have been VERY bright.

 

It's just, my parents can't afford to send me to the states for school, it's just too expensive, and it is not a good scenario to ask her to marry me.

 

The last night before I left, she got sick. I carried her into bed, tucked her in, rubbed her back and took care of her.

 

If that doesn't scream 'I love you, keep me in the picture because this is awesome.' I don't know what does.

 

She was never going to be happy with the lifestyle she would have when I was in school. Her parents needed her help.

 

In a way I did this for her (and she would have ended up leaving one way or another).

 

It's just hard, you know? It's hard knowing you might never see this person again.

Edited September 19, 2010 by durkadurka

[xpaperxcutx]

The first thing a wise person prson would tell you is that you need to know what your priorities are. Another person cannot give you the life that you want unless you pursue your goals yourself. A person can only add to the joy in your life.

 

What you did were and still is the only choice you could. It was selfish of your girlfriend to ask you to dump everything for her and move cross country to be with her. You have a life to build, a career to make, responsibilities to fullfill. You can't chance all those base on the fact that someone needs you. Even so, support can come in different forms, but to leave everything behind would have been disastrous.

[that girl]

Once you broke up, you could no longer expect sexual fidelity.

 

It stings, but she didn't do anything wrong. You cannot expect her to sit around and wait for you.

 

I thought that the amount of fun we had with each other would have been enough to convince her that the future between her and I could have been VERY bright.

Having fun with someone doesn't mean you have a future together.

 

I am curious how old you are.

[MrHalfJack]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh <facepalm>

 

 

okay. what's the problem?

[Banker Chick]

The first thing a wise person prson would tell you is that you need to know what your priorities are. Another person cannot give you the life that you want unless you pursue your goals yourself. A person can only add to the joy in your life.

 

What you did were and still is the only choice you could. .

Very true. My ex seems to now be questioning even finishing school and he continues to make poor decisions. I am now NC with him because while at one time I thought we could be friends, I realize he now has to sink or swim on his own.

 

A person has to want a better life for themselves, not just because they think it will win them the girl. And you know what? I've learned that time is on your side. My ex says he'll get his crap together and show me but that's going to be a ways down the line. Will it happen? Who knows. If it does will he be with someone else? Who knows. Heck, I might be with someone else and then again, I might not.

 

If it's meant to be, it will be.

 

And another thing, you keep mentioning that you did all these things that should have screamed love to her but my ex's actions also showed me certain things but the words coming out of his mouth were still that it wasn't fair to me to try to be in a relationship while he was trying to get his life worked out. The bottom line ... you are still not committed and as such, you are both free to live your lives.

[durkadurka]

Very true. My ex seems to now be questioning even finishing school and he continues to make poor decisions. I am now NC with him because while at one time I thought we could be friends, I realize he now has to sink or swim on his own.

 

A person has to want a better life for themselves, not just because they think it will win them the girl. And you know what? I've learned that time is on your side. My ex says he'll get his crap together and show me but that's going to be a ways down the line. Will it happen? Who knows. If it does will he be with someone else? Who knows. Heck, I might be with someone else and then again, I might not.

 

If it's meant to be, it will be.

 

And another thing, you keep mentioning that you did all these things that should have screamed love to her but my ex's actions also showed me certain things but the words coming out of his mouth were still that it wasn't fair to me to try to be in a relationship while he was trying to get his life worked out. The bottom line ... you are still not committed and as such, you are both free to live your lives.

 

You are a very wise lady. My ex stuck with me for a year post graduating university to wait for me to get it in gear so we could do amazing things together.

 

I didn't, whether it was by choice, or by the fact that there wasn't enough time in the day for me to do everything that was needed of me. I won't really know which one it ever was.

 

But now that she's gone, I have no excuses, I am only motivated to succeed for myself, because you are only as strong as you make yourself.

 

For a long time I sold my ex on a fairytale, that I knew I couldn't do while I was as committed to working, school and her as I was. When I visited her, I did not want to try and do that, because it would only disappoint her in the long run.

 

Instead, I took my time, I planned, I created a framework for my life and a rough time line for when I wanted to be finished school, things I wanted to do (like take an internship in NY, and go on a tour of Europe), but by the time I told her about it, it was too late.

 

The other thing, it just wasn't prudent for me to get back with her when I flew down there.

 

That magical spark of love, was not going to come back as a result of any plan, the lack of sex, depression, was not going to go away until we were both stronger better people. The sparks flickered, you could tell that on some level they were still there. We kissed, we held hands, we comforted each other, but I think that it was just the byproduct of the fact that we were 2 people that still cared about each other but weren't in a position to be with each other.

 

It just wasn't going to happen over night.

[tami-chan]

For a long time I sold my ex on a fairytale, that I knew I couldn't do while I was as committed to working, school and her as I was. When I visited her, I did not want to try and do that, because it would only disappoint her in the long run.

 

So you lied? she stayed with you based on a lie?

[durkadurka]

So you lied? she stayed with you based on a lie?

 

No it wasn't a lie, it was just something that was incredibly hard to accomplish with a low likelihood of success.

 

You try working 30 hours a week, trying taking 5 classes and having a girlfriend that always wanted company. I couldn't do it all. What ended up happening is I would work 30 hours a week, only take 2 classes because I couldn't get any studying done because she always wanted to be with me.

 

 

There would be times where she would be house sitting where I wouldn't go home for 4 days, I would wear the same clothes to work and to class.

 

When I would tell her I needed to go home to sleep because I wanted to shower, and put on deodorant, and hair gel and look like a human being she would get really sad, and it was really conflicting. Likewise, when I would tell her I needed to study so I could do well in school (and she wanted me to finish school asap) she would resent me for it.

Edited September 19, 2010 by durkadurka

[Banker Chick]

My ex told me he wants to be back together (and being here last Saturday and having it be fun and like it always was confirmed that) but he also knows it would never be fair to ask me to never be able to see him, him never have money to pay for anything or do anything and him always being stressed out. He's right. It's just sad because when I started dating him he had all these goals and plans and I saw great things for him/us. Now, 10 months later I don't see much change other than he's still going to school. I just don't see much progress in his maturity level or his financial situation and he continues to make poor decisions.

 

It has been helpful seeing your perspective Durka because he's admitted this has tortured him ... wondering if he'll get through school and I'll be gone and it will be too late but knowing he has nothing to offer me right now so it's all he can do.