Am I dating an alcoholic?

[Pink Cupcakes]

I have been dating a man for about 4 months. We see each

other about twice a month because he travels so much on

business and lives 2 hours away.

Anyway, he took me on a trip to San Francisco 3 weeks ago.

We did a lot of fun things, like sight seeing, China Town, Giants game,

etc. The problem is that he insisted on visiting a bar

every couple hours, starting at 11:00 a.m. When we had

lunch in China Town, he had saki (it was 12:30). We went

to a wonderful show which was a dinner theater, and while I

had two glasses of wine with the meal, so did he, but when

the show got out at 12:30, I was ready to go home to the

hotel, but he was insistent on "having some more fun" and

going to the bar and had a couple vodkas there. Even

before we went to the show, he wanted to "check out" the

bar and have a couple vodka shots. On the flight home, we

had to stop at the airline bar so he could have a couple

bloody marys. Then when our flight was delayed, he had a

straight vodka.

Is this a sign of an alcoholic, or could it be he was just

having fun?

Just wondering. I have since declined his invitation to

spend the holiday weekend with him, telling him I have

plans, but actually I am considering our trip together to

be the last time I see him. However, he does treat me well

and seem to like me (except when he is dragging me (not

literally) to a bar a 12:30 a.m. for a vodka after I have

told him I'm tired. I'm starting to lose attraction and

get really turned off by his need for alcohol. He says "I

work hard and don't drink during the week, so I like to

have fun on weekends."

He said this unsolicited on his own one weekend over the

summer when he wanted to stop at a bar for lunch...our

first few dates, he enjoyed a couple glasses of wine, but

each date alcohol was more and more a part of the

activities for him. I enjoy a drink, but never have more

than two, I just am not that into it as much as he is.

Just wondering, or maybe I am not being fair to him.... [COLOR=#0000cc][/COLOR]

[Rorschach]

Doesn't sound like the way a normal person would behave to me. But honestly I think the important thing here is that if you are starting to feel uncomfortable/annoyed by his actions concerning drinking, whether he is or isn't an alcoholic is missing the point.

 

If you tell him you want to go back to the hotel but he insists on staying out later and not listening, then that is a problem for anybody, let alone alcoholics.

[torranceshipman]

I think your instincts are bang on, and I think you need to cut and run before you get anymore involved.

[Cee]

I've dated people with alcohol problems and they weren't as bad as this guy. Run, girl, run.

[Lost Fish]

Hi Pink,

 

First off - I AM an alcoholic. But also I got sober when I was 25 (young, I know - but I was out of control). I'm 31 now.

 

The most blatant symptom of alcoholism is if the drinking starts having a negative impact on the relationships of those close to you. Seeing as how you are posting on a message board about your concern over his drinking - that's enough for me to say that yes - he probably does have a problem.

 

If you do truly care about him you might want to try talking about it and gauge his response.

 

Alcoholism is a beast of a disease and oftentimes those suffering with it will live in denial and continue to numb their way through life never reaching their full potential as a person. The other sad thing is that the true change to stop the drinking has to come from within (the whole "hitting rock bottom" idea).

 

It's a lot of baggage to be sure, and if you find yourself losing interest it might be best to cut your losses and run. It's a shame and I feel for both of you if this is the main reason you have for ending things.

 

People at LS are quick to tell others to give up and run, but I also feel that EVERYONE has baggage of some sort or another. We have to try to be more compassionate toward each other.

 

Ultimately the decision is up to you - and I support whatever you decide to do with this guy. Best of luck and let us know what happens!

[Clep]

My other half is an alcoholic and he was never this bad. If someone can drink that much during the week and have his body tolerate it well, he drinks during the week. If he is justifying his drinking in the first place there is a problem. I would run for the hills. I can't say he is an alcoholic as he would be the only person to answer that, but I wouldn't be sticking around to find out. These flags aren't just red to me but the size of the Eiffel tower.

[Pink Cupcakes]

Thank you for your replies.

I do think I will cut my losses now and wish him well.