I attract men that are already in a relationship...why?

[Gypsy_Soul]

For some odd reason, maybe someone can point it out, I seem to attract men that are either already in a relationship, engaged, or just broken up with their partner. They end up getting back together with them soon after.

 

It takes me a couple of weeks to find out because things seem too fishy. Kind of like a too good to be true type of feeling. So of course I do a little investigating and turns out that they're still in a relationship sometimes even engaged!

 

Just the day before yesterday, this guy I know from college, was telling me how he always had a crush on me and he was just too shy to talk to me and now he was taking the initiative to. I had asked him if he was single, to which he told me yes he's been single because the mother of his child broke up with him because he moved for school. She's also pregnant with another baby of his.

 

I specifically asked him that if she was to call him today right now and ask him if he wants to get back together would he? He said no he wouldn't.

 

Well, well, well, I go look on Facebook today, and he's changed his status to ENGAGED. Wow, under it people are asking to who and he says to the mother of his children.

 

Is there something I'm doing to attract these types of men. I mean this isn't the first time. I've actually was starting a relationship to someone before this and I found out that he was already engaged to the mother of his children too!

 

Is it me, is it them? What can and should I do to avoid these type of guys? How do I spot em before anything happens? Thanks everyone;)

[xpaperxcutx]

Well here's a question. Why do you go after guys with baby mamas?

 

You know for a fact that these last two had girlfriends and have children, which usually precedes a lot of baggage.

 

Sometimes a person's status tell alot about them. Don't be afraid to ask questions about their past. If something seems fishy, they usually are.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Thanks papercut. I'm not attracted only to men that have children/babymomma's. Turns out that some do have them but not all. So is it safe to say that your advice is to not date men that have children?

 

I'm sure there are men out there with children that aren't still hung up on their ex or let alone engaged. Why can't people just be honest?

[xpaperxcutx]

Thanks papercut. I'm not attracted only to men that have children/babymomma's. Turns out that some do have them but not all. So is it safe to say that your advice is to not date men that have children?

 

I'm sure there are men out there with children that aren't still hung up on their ex or let alone engaged. Why can't people just be honest?

 

 

No, I'm not stigmatizing men with children, but most men with children with their ex girlfriends, scream a lot of baggage. Think about it, they're not married or together, but they still have to interact with each other over child affairs and finances.

 

I think because you are in college, you're more carefree to want to explore and expand your options over actually settling down with someone with that much problems.

[Woggle]

Subconciously you are probably goimg for these men.

[Gypsy_Soul]

I'm actually 33 in college, with a child and baggage of my own. I'm not still hung up on my baby's father and I am ready for a relationship. I wouldn't go pursue a relationship or to date other's if I still was.

 

I just don't understand it. Could be the age differences as well? Most guys that I attract are younger than me. From 19-28 years old.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Subconciously you are probably goimg for these men.

 

Ya think so Woggle? Hmmm..I don't know how I could possibly go after these guys, because I do value honesty. I'm honest and straightforward with all of these men about what I want and expect.

[Woggle]

Ya think so Woggle? Hmmm..I don't know how I could possibly go after these guys, because I do value honesty. I'm honest and straightforward with all of these men about what I want and expect.

 

I don't know why but people who keep repeating the same pattern over and over again tend to subconciously seek it out. You should get to the bottom of it.

[xpaperxcutx]

I'm actually 33 in college, with a child and baggage of my own. I'm not still hung up on my baby's father and I am ready for a relationship. I wouldn't go pursue a relationship or to date other's if I still was.

 

I just don't understand it. Could be the age differences as well? Most guys that I attract are younger than me. From 19-28 years old.

 

 

Oh okay, I thought you were in your early twenties.

 

I think in terms of attraction, you might want to seek out people in their thirties. The 19-28 crowd are still in that " I want to play" phase.

 

You know you do have a good mindset. But most guys don't think in terms of wanting to date longterm over Hmm, I wonder how many chicks I can ask out.

 

You really have to weed out the good ones from the bad.

[Gypsy_Soul]

I suppose so, Woggle. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

 

As for the age thing, you're right PCut. I guess I'm also not attracted to older men or men my age because they're out of shape lol.

[Gypsy_Soul]

So I've been thinking, it could all just be that since I've been single for quite some time now, that these guys know it and are just using me as a fallback/backup chick?

 

I've known these guys, as aquaintances for quite some time, so they know that I've been single. So they probably figure that since they're going through some stuff with their current relationship I'm the easiest choice?

 

If this is the case, should I just cut them out of my life? I can't stand people like this.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Hi Gamma,

 

I've already tried that many times. I just simply can't be with someone I'm not physically attracted to.

[craw]

it will keep happening. i say this from my own experience. i just brush it off and move on until I finally found someone who was not in any of these situations.

 

patience will pay off! mine paid off after 6 years and a great deal of heartache.

 

it was worth the wait!

[angie44]

I dont think its a case of you attracting these kind of men, theres just alot of those men out there...looking for that play around. Single woman, nothing spoiling, so to speak.

I think you just need to learn, as was said, to ask the right kind of questions when you meet someone, get their fone number and ring them at silly o'clock, lol, or make a date and say you will pick them up from their home...

They have their tactics, and so must you:rolleyes:

 

Its like me, do I attract control freaks...lol, no i just never learned to trust my instinct and intuition ,until now, to spot them from the beginning.

As said previously, if something dont add up to you, then go with your flow, cos usually, you will be right its not about mistrust, its about looking out for yourself. If he is genuine , he wont need to lie or hide things but will be open and sharing, from the start.

[Stung]

I don't know why but people who keep repeating the same pattern over and over again tend to subconciously seek it out. You should get to the bottom of it.

 

Woggle is right; generally when there's something all the people we attract have in common, we need to change something within ourselves to change that attraction dynamic. You need to think about what kind of man you're attracted to, what kind of aura they project. Why do you associate so heavily with players, low-class men? While there are plenty of them to be found, they are NOT the only kind of man out there, there are many good guys left. Why are you overlooking the good guys? And what are you projecting that makes the players see you as easy prey?

[EasyHeart]

Every guy who is 33 or over is out of shape? Really?

 

You obviously have a very high opinion of yourself and think the only thing that matters is what a person looks like. Is it really surprising that you attract (and are attracted to) creepy guys like that?

[threebyfate]

Do you straight out ask if they're in a relationship or married?

[Hop_prophet]

I'm actually 33 in college, with a child and baggage of my own. I'm not still hung up on my baby's father and I am ready for a relationship. I wouldn't go pursue a relationship or to date other's if I still was.

 

I just don't understand it. Could be the age differences as well? Most guys that I attract are younger than me. From 19-28 years old.

 

IMO it is definitely the age difference. You really should be dating guys at your maturity level (which probably means several years older than you at least). Guys tend to mature slower and most guys that I know do not pursue older women with the intention of a LTR. They are most likely just looking to get laid. Obviously there are exceptions but I think dating older men (or at least close to your age) while swing the odds in your favor. 19 year olds? Really??? That is not going to get you anywhere. As far as attraction goes there are plenty of good looking guys at your age.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

For some odd reason...

 

 

If indeed you are "gorgeous", perhaps so many men are intimidated by your looks that the mainstream guys are playing what they believe to be more in their league, and that only leaves others who already have irons in the fire somewhere else thinking they might 'upgrade' with you.

 

Thus it might not be a direct product of anything you're doing, but rather it could be that you aren't getting your full share of social traffic because of your beauty, and what is missing are the large numbers right in the 'middle' who make those who remain seem conspicuous for the middle guys being absent en masse.

Edited August 25, 2010 by SincereOnlineGuy

[Gypsy_Soul]

it will keep happening. i say this from my own experience. i just brush it off and move on until I finally found someone who was not in any of these situations.

 

patience will pay off! mine paid off after 6 years and a great deal of heartache.

 

it was worth the wait!

 

I don't know if I can brush off so many failures especially for 6 years. I'm 33 and I want to have another child. I only have one, I feel like my clock is ticking.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Every guy who is 33 or over is out of shape? Really?

 

You obviously have a very high opinion of yourself and think the only thing that matters is what a person looks like. Is it really surprising that you attract (and are attracted to) creepy guys like that?

 

Not every guy over 33 is out of shape, but the older most guys get the more likely they are letting themselves go. The average sizes and weight for people in the U.S. are pretty large. I'm far from average.

 

The average size for an American woman is size 14 I do believe. I'm a size 3! I'm very athletic and live an extremely active lifestyle. I take very good care of myself and do not look my age what-so-ever.

 

I'm attracted to someone that is at the same level of fitness and physique as myself. It's more likely to find that in someone younger.

 

Most guys my age are very sedentary. I don't like that. I can't live like that. I have lot's of energy and would like to find someone that can keep up. Don't we all look for someone that is compatible to ourselves and lifestyle?

 

Yea the bald, beer-bellied guy may be a good guy but I'm not attracted to that.

 

Either way most of all the good men, out of shape or not are all taken anway so it seems. I seem to get them all coming my direction. Which then doesn't really make them that good after all.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Do you straight out ask if they're in a relationship or married?

 

That's the first thing I ask. They lie. I ask many impertive questions and they lie. I always get suspicious and investigate. That is why I'm still single because it seems every guy tries to date me is really already taken.

[Woggle]

Don't take this as an insult but maybe you are doing something that makes a single man not want to approach.

[Gypsy_Soul]

I dont think its a case of you attracting these kind of men, theres just alot of those men out there...looking for that play around. Single woman, nothing spoiling, so to speak.

I think you just need to learn, as was said, to ask the right kind of questions when you meet someone, get their fone number and ring them at silly o'clock, lol, or make a date and say you will pick them up from their home...

They have their tactics, and so must you:rolleyes:

 

Its like me, do I attract control freaks...lol, no i just never learned to trust my instinct and intuition ,until now, to spot them from the beginning.

As said previously, if something dont add up to you, then go with your flow, cos usually, you will be right its not about mistrust, its about looking out for yourself. If he is genuine , he wont need to lie or hide things but will be open and sharing, from the start.

 

Thanks Angie, yes there must be alot of these men out there. Kinda makes me wonder if men can be faithful after all.

 

I've had men call me psycho for wanting to pick them up at their place or asking questions when things don't seem to add up. It's like I can't win for losing. Either I trust blindly or look out for myself and do what I must and seem psycho?

 

Turns out I'm usually right, they do have something to hide. Like a wife or a girlfriend! Sigh.

 

I don't know I love men, but at the same time I think I'm ready to just give up on them all.

[Gypsy_Soul]

Don't take this as an insult but maybe you are doing something that makes a single man not want to approach.

 

Interesting, I've wondered about this as well and I can't seem to pinpoint what it could be.

 

I mean what makes a single man different than one that's already taken besides the obvious?