Because I can't figure out how to make a journal post

[brainygirl]

This is just where I am at the moment.

 

 

MEN

They piss me off sometimes.

 

J, the one I was done with? The one who would sleep with me, invite me camping, introduce me to all his friends, make plans to visit casino-hotels with me, but wouldn't call me his girlfriend? Well, he calls last night, just to chit chat. And its like, what do you want? You want to talk to a mature adult when you are home and bored and lonely, but you don't want to be in any sort of actual relationship with that adult?

 

Its a waste of my time. That's what it is. I was civil, but not all that interested in what he had to say and the call ended pretty quick.

 

Then today after church I am dog ass tired because I couldn't sleep last night so I spend the whole night up reading. So, being tired, I went to take a nap when the kids did. couldn't sleep, so I got online and was cruising a relationship themed board.

 

And I know, people on those places are cruel and purposely extreme in a way that they would never be in real life. But its like, a woman has to be built like a victoria's secret model or pin up, have a high paying career, keep up a perfect house, never have a hair out of place, be pure as the driven snow but sexually adventurous and willing, and have absolutely no past baggage in the form of marriages or kids.

 

And it kinda pisses me off. Because I can't win that game. I am not built like a model. I'm losing weight and can fit into clothes that six months ago I couldn't, but I'm still squishy and probably always will be. I like sex and haven't slept with a huge number of men, but lets face it, three little kids give a different impression, and the fact that I tend to decide yes or no on the sex relatively early on is apparently a bad thing.

 

I'm a terrible house keeper. Seriously, if it isn't jumping at me as I walk through the room it isn't going to bother me.

 

It just bugs me. Because on the one hand is this guy who doesn't act very well towards me and who I know isn't good enough for me, but at least he'll give me the time of day. And on the other hand are these guys who are supposedly better matches to me and they as a group hold me in contempt for things that happened in my past that I can't change now.

 

And the whole Christian dating thing? Please. I had one person tell me that because I left my husband for something other than cheating, I was forcing any man who got with me to be an alduterer. I guess threatening to kill you isn't good enough reason to leave a spouse.

 

Grr, I don't know why I get wound up like this. Except that I have never been the pretty woman in the room. I've always been invisible and now I feel like I am going to be that way forever. And always having to choose between being alone, being made fun of, or the guy who just isn't good for me.

[brainygirl]

I think right now you are just very frustrated with the dating scene. Trust me, Brainy, not all men are like that. There are men who love you for the way you are, who are willing to put up with the kids, who may have some baggage of their own, and are fine with you not being Donna Reed perfect.

 

And truth be told the woman that you described only exists in a person's dreams. When you meet someone you will become the goddess.

 

I base this on my own experience... having gone through my own crummy breakup with baggage. And yet I found someone who thinks I'm perfect.

Never thought it would happen to me, but it did. It was a long time coming, too.

 

I hate to sound so cliche, but it is the way I see it.

 

Intellectually I know you are right, but I'm having trouble feeling it, if that makes any sense.

 

I could go through the list of reasons I feel like I will always be alone and isolated, but the truth is that it doesn't matter, that's just how I feel. Like I will always be alone and then I look around me and I see all these people my age who are happily paired off and I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with me that I can't even get a guy I've been sleeping with for months to go ahead and call me his girlfriend?

 

And yeah, that's his issue and why I have to stop seeing him.

 

It doesn't hurt any less.

[jamesum]

Why cant all the angry and frustrated men and women all just meet up in one place or something? :laugh:

 

Anyway, single men with kids also face troubles. The difference is only that if they are successful they can buy love from women while men are less interested in financial incentive when it comes to relationship.

Edited August 9, 2010 by jamesum

[spookie]

I think the sooner you stop being bitter, the faster your time will come.

[Knittress]

:>/ I saw one of your posts on another thread and I almost PMed you. It seems to me that you didn't START off posting on LS feeling so down on yourself and your weight. Have the people around here been getting to you? Maybe you should take a break from LS for a bit?

 

I know that some of the comments around here really get to me sometimes. I'm not particularly svelte myself, and I remember in particular when this site (http://uvtblog.com/2009/01/keeping-it-real-the-real-scale-of-1-10/) got posted on which even the 6 'slightly prettier than average' girl was still a cute woman capable of getting a modeling gig that I just about lost it. Sometimes I'm convinced that no one will ever sleep with me, but then that's just plain ridiculous because people tell me I'm beautiful all that time (mostly gay men, hobos, and relatives, but still...) Think about it - who ARE these people? You don't know them. We could have the entire cast of Jersey Shore on here right now, telling us how to improve our lives...

[Els]

:>/ I saw one of your posts on another thread and I almost PMed you. It seems to me that you didn't START off posting on LS feeling so down on yourself and your weight. Have the people around here been getting to you? Maybe you should take a break from LS for a bit?

 

 

I echo this. Online boards consist of but a small portion of humanity - and usually the sample is biased in some way. IMO, many (but not all, of course, can I apply this disclaimer to the rest of the post? ) of the people here are extreme idealists, either hopping from one R to another like bunnies in a field for the tiniest of reasons (my gf is great in all ways but doesn't like swallowing during oral, I don't have to put up with this, there's a whole sea of women out there...), or holding out in search of the Perfect Mate (I really like this guy, I feel butterflies and can identify with him and we have the greatest time together... but my principle is that I don't want to date a guy who may be shorter than me in heels and he's only 2 inches taller than me! Next.). People who overthink relationships and partners in general, churning out a whole list of requirements over a page long... and that is why they frequent this place. Many other more laid-back, accepting people may not bother.

 

The 'requirements' for both men and women, if you read this board, are so stringent that if humanity were to abide by them, 99% of us would be single. Neither my bf or I would qualify.

 

Do I care?