Scheduling Drama

[KSSDallas]

I love my boyfriend, but I am struggling with his rigid schedule. He works out 4 times a week at 5am so he doesn't view the preceding nights as 'free time' because he goes to bed so early. So, we are on a limited schedule where we only see each other 3 times a week. This usually works for me because I'm a busy girl and it gives me time to still see friends, and tend to my other interests and responsibilities. However, I'd be lying if I said that I am absolutely content with the schedule. There are times I would love to spend an entire weekend with him...start to finish. I am jealous of my friends who just pop over to see their boyfriends on a whim and its totally cool. On occasion we have changed the schedule because he has gone out of town or he's had a family event on a night that we don't usually spend together, but I haven't ever requested a change in plans...until this week. It has been met with resentment and reluctance. I had something come up on one of our normal nights and so I texted to see if we could switch nights and his response was that we could just get together on Saturday. Monday - Saturday is a stretch for me. I want/need to see my bf more than twice a week. And last week he gave up our mid week time together to spend time with one of his friends that he hasn't seen in a long time and I think that's important. But only two times together two weeks in a row was going to be hard for me, which is why this week I asked to switch nights instead of just give one up. Last night he texted me while I was at my second job to find out if my Wednesday plans were yet confirmed. I called him back after work to let him know that they were, but that he was welcome to join me after all. He got very frustrated turned down the offer and said 'Let's just keep it simple. I don't know how this has turned into such a big deal, but I've basically already resigned myself to the fact that we'll be hanging out on Thursday. Ok?'. Well, I felt very insulted and dismissed. I am hurt that he feels so put upon from my request. And though I've never doubted his love for me, the fact that his schedule is so important makes me now doubt him to some degree. I'm upset, confused, and deflated. I've always been told you have to ask for what you want in a relationship. I'm doing that and being met with a brick wall. How should I handle this, and where am I in the wrong?

 

Thanks,

[zengirl]

He sounds very controlling. Not necessarily in a typical relationship way (though maybe). But with this schedule. Is he stressed about something else?

 

I mean, the kids I teach are like that about their schedules -- it's so important -- but they're 7. Most adults shouldn't be like that!

[northstar1]

I love my boyfriend, but I am struggling with his rigid schedule. He works out 4 times a week at 5am so he doesn't view the preceding nights as 'free time' because he goes to bed so early. So, we are on a limited schedule where we only see each other 3 times a week. This usually works for me because I'm a busy girl and it gives me time to still see friends, and tend to my other interests and responsibilities. However, I'd be lying if I said that I am absolutely content with the schedule. There are times I would love to spend an entire weekend with him...start to finish. I am jealous of my friends who just pop over to see their boyfriends on a whim and its totally cool. On occasion we have changed the schedule because he has gone out of town or he's had a family event on a night that we don't usually spend together, but I haven't ever requested a change in plans...until this week. It has been met with resentment and reluctance. I had something come up on one of our normal nights and so I texted to see if we could switch nights and his response was that we could just get together on Saturday. Monday - Saturday is a stretch for me. I want/need to see my bf more than twice a week. And last week he gave up our mid week time together to spend time with one of his friends that he hasn't seen in a long time and I think that's important. But only two times together two weeks in a row was going to be hard for me, which is why this week I asked to switch nights instead of just give one up. Last night he texted me while I was at my second job to find out if my Wednesday plans were yet confirmed. I called him back after work to let him know that they were, but that he was welcome to join me after all. He got very frustrated turned down the offer and said 'Let's just keep it simple. I don't know how this has turned into such a big deal, but I've basically already resigned myself to the fact that we'll be hanging out on Thursday. Ok?'. Well, I felt very insulted and dismissed. I am hurt that he feels so put upon from my request. And though I've never doubted his love for me, the fact that his schedule is so important makes me now doubt him to some degree. I'm upset, confused, and deflated. I've always been told you have to ask for what you want in a relationship. I'm doing that and being met with a brick wall. How should I handle this, and where am I in the wrong?

 

Thanks,

 

There is no right or wrong. You both have different needs and priorities.

He is content with seeing you 2-3 times a week, and you want more.

I would discuss with him and if he is not willing to compromise more with prioritizing you in to his scheduel more, than you have a decision to make on if you can accept this going forward or not.