How can you tell if a guy is being clingy?

[Funf]

I know that my question is probably very elementary but I have been in too many craptacular relationships to be able to distinguish between a guy that is needy/clingy/desperate early on vs a guy that actually likes you. I've been with a lot of verbally and emotionally abusive jerks and guys that think it's cool and attractive to be unavailable. But this guy that I've been seeing is the exact opposite. He showers me with attention, acts very gentlemanly, and GASP he calls when he says he will. I'll be honest and the first thing that came to my mind was that this guy is desperate. But after giving it some thought, I think maybe it's my mind that's messed up and I'm just used to guys being jerks with me. At the same time though, I don't want to be with someone who is legitimately clingy. How can I make that distinction?

 

Thanks!

[sarah1268]

Thats not being clingy, as long as you want to see him/ hear from him as much as he does. I thought the same thing when I went out with my current bf for the first time, he was so keen on the week of our first date he saw me 3 days in a row.....and i was like ooohh thats keen.

And hes still the same way, a year later! Its only clingy when they dont want you to go out without them or call you when ur out with ur mates.....

[sugarmomma]

Sounds like you are just accustomed to jerks. This guy sounds fairly healthy. Just make sure you keep a balanced life where you still spend time doing things with family and friends.

[USMCHokie]

I know that my question is probably very elementary but I have been in too many craptacular relationships to be able to distinguish between a guy that is needy/clingy/desperate early on vs a guy that actually likes you. I've been with a lot of verbally and emotionally abusive jerks and guys that think it's cool and attractive to be unavailable. But this guy that I've been seeing is the exact opposite. He showers me with attention, acts very gentlemanly, and GASP he calls when he says he will. I'll be honest and the first thing that came to my mind was that this guy is desperate. But after giving it some thought, I think maybe it's my mind that's messed up and I'm just used to guys being jerks with me. At the same time though, I don't want to be with someone who is legitimately clingy. How can I make that distinction?

 

Thanks!

 

If a girl I dated was ever turned off by the character trait bolded above, I think first I'd (:laugh:) and then I'd LAUNCH. That's just ludicrous...seriously...

 

But to answer your question, a guy would be clingy if:

 

(1) He has no life outside of you or your relationship;

(2) He insists on constant contact with you to the point it bothers you;

 

and finally (the one that is often never considered but can be most important),

 

(3) He is noticably more sad/depressed/unhappy/etc. when he's not with you...a healthy person should never have to rely solely on another person for their happiness...that is clinginess...

[Enchanted Girl]

My boyfriend has been this way lately as well and it has THRILLED me. He wasn't this way in the past. It has nothing to do with clinginess. It's about respecting you and loving you.

 

Does he have his own life? Does he let you have yours?

 

He's not clingy if you answer yes to these questions. If he's not crying every time you leave and panicking about it, then he's not clingy.

[counterman]

A guy is clingy if he wants you to devote a majority of your time with him. As Hokie said, he has no life outside of the relationship and depends on his SO for happiness.

 

However, it is also subjective. If the guy's attachment to the girl is greater than her attachment to him, or she's simply not as into him, then some of the things he does that he considers normal, or others will consider normal, will appear "clingy" to her. I am speaking from experience. My ex-girlfriend thought I was "clingy" when I wanted to talk to her for more than 5 minutes having not seen or heard from her for a couple of weeks (a bit exaggerated) but you get the gist.

 

Someone who showers you with attention ALL the time might appear clingy to you. You may enjoy it at first but later you'll start appreciating less and less. I will say that a balance is good, not too much attention and not too little.

[that girl]

It sounds like you are looking for problems.

[USMCHokie]

A guy is clingy if he wants you to devote a majority of your time with him. As Hokie said, he has no life outside of the relationship and depends on his SO for happiness.

 

However, it is also subjective. If the guy's attachment to the girl is greater than her attachment to him, or she's simply not as into him, then some of the things he does that he considers normal, or others will consider normal, will appear "clingy" to her. I am speaking from experience. My ex-girlfriend thought I was "clingy" when I wanted to talk to her for more than 5 minutes having not seen or heard from her for a couple of weeks (a bit exaggerated) but you get the gist.

 

Someone who showers you with attention ALL the time might appear clingy to you. You may enjoy it at first but later you'll start appreciating less and less. I will say that a balance is good, not too much attention and not too little.

 

 

Agreed on all points. And this is where compatibility plays a key role...especially emotional compatibility...some individuals simply prefer more affection, attention, contact, or "cling" than others...this is essentially hardwired into their brains...so if you put two people with vastly different emotional needs and preferences together, you'll have problems where one person thinks the other is too clingy, just as counterman has pointed out.

[zengirl]

I know that my question is probably very elementary but I have been in too many craptacular relationships to be able to distinguish between a guy that is needy/clingy/desperate early on vs a guy that actually likes you. I've been with a lot of verbally and emotionally abusive jerks and guys that think it's cool and attractive to be unavailable. But this guy that I've been seeing is the exact opposite. He showers me with attention, acts very gentlemanly, and GASP he calls when he says he will. I'll be honest and the first thing that came to my mind was that this guy is desperate. But after giving it some thought, I think maybe it's my mind that's messed up and I'm just used to guys being jerks with me. At the same time though, I don't want to be with someone who is legitimately clingy. How can I make that distinction?

 

Thanks!

 

I think if someone is clingy you'll know it because you'll feel uncomfortable and smothered by the situation. If you're feeling good about your interactions, he's not clingy. "Clingy" is all about compatibility -- what each person is comfortable with being about the same.