Am I an insecure guy or do I have probable cause?

[collegeguy_24]

Ok, I have a bit of a lengthy question and situation. I am currently dating a GF for about 3 1/2 months now. In the beginning all seemed good, but recently things have been rather strained. let me start off with some details about us. She is 20, I am 24, we both go to the same college, but she lives in her dorm and I sadly live with my parents cause I can't find a job, though recently I have some good chances coming up. according to her, she lost her virginity at 18, and not counting me, has slept with 9 guys. Most of whom were not in actual relationships, but she was just looking for sex. about 4 of them live on the east coast, and the rest live here. One of those guys she had sex with 5 times in the span of a week, which was 4 days before she asked me out for a date cause we met and she liked what I had to offer for a relationship.

 

My sexual relationship is just two people, her, and my ex, thats it.

 

Now, most of those guys she doesn't stay in contact with, except one dude. She had a sexual relationship with that dude before, it was based on nothing but sex, and when she wanted a relationship cause she felt it could happen, he dumped her like nothing. But she is still friends with that guy, even after he treated her like crap and continues to treat her like crap.

Now, most of her friends are guy friends, and I was burned horribly in my last relationship. So I am a little cautious about them, but am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. after a while, i let go of all my fears and just put trust in her, but that changed recently.

 

Just 3 weeks ago she said she loved me, and I said it back to her, things were really going good. Then she left for the weekend and when she came back, I surprised her with a nice romantic weekend, but the entire time she is just frowning and deep in thought. Then she introduced me to one of her guy friends, and the entire time she just ignored me, her friend even tried to get me in conversation and she just ignored that and kept on talking. Then the guy asked us to go hiking with him, she turns to me and says, "you don't have anything else planned for us do you? nevermind sure I'll go hiking with you." That was so rude even her friend gave her a look of annoyance and me a look of pity, which she ignored. the only time she communicated with me was that statement and when she asked about the bill for dinner.

 

Keep in mind this was during the romantic weekend I worked my ass off for.

 

A week after that she is getting more upset and I don't know why, she won't tell me. Then she comes out and says she is not sure she loves me anymore, that was like a punch to the gut. She then gives me this story about she loves this other guy, who lives on the east coast now. and is old enough to be her father, and how she wants to test our relationship. problem, we have had plenty of tests, most out of our control, but one of them was her idea, that was no sex for a while to see if she had genuine feelings for me. after a month with that test she said she loved me, and then everything listed in the above several paragraphs happened. Go figure.

 

Well after arguing I gave her a choice, if she wants to continue this relationship she has to be willing to try and let him go and be with me and work hard on this, or we are through, because I do not want a woman who is with me but doesn't love me. Several days later she apologizes and says she does love me, and that what she was thinking was a mistake and she is willing to work her ass off to prove it, and to repair this relationship. I agreed, but my trust is shaken.

 

Now she is still acting distant, she hardly kisses me, hardly touches me anymore, we haven't had sex in two months, and now my insecurities about her guy friends are coming up again. Not just because of the argument, but she knows that after what happened, she promised to try and repair this relationship, and instead tonight she is going to go to one of these guys apartment, where he plans to cook dinner for her, and then they plan to watch a movie on his couch. does that sound more like a date then just friends hanging out? or am I being paranoid? keep in mind that since the argument, this is the second time she went to this guys place for the exact same thing, and she was there for 7 hours.

 

I hope I can get some help on this, or some thoughts. If not, then just saying something on here made me feel a little better.

[reservoirdog1]

At the risk of sounding too reactionary, I think you should dump her. Partly because it sounds like she's already checked out and is keeping you on the back burner in case nobody better comes along. But equally importantly, because you need to take back some control in this situation. Being the dumper in the situation, rather than the dumpee, will accomplish that, and help your self-esteem.

 

If you do dump her, try not to be too pissy about it. Keep it in terms of "this isn't working for me anymore, there's a distance between us, and it's not getting better, I think it's best if we split up." Be strong and confident.

[Hop_prophet]

Dude this b**** is walking all over you. No you are not being insecure. Dump her and move on. If she was into you she would be spending time with you and having sex with you. Not putting through one month long tests.

[stuck with eharmony]

I am sorry this happened to you. But I will agree with the two previous posters. You are not being insecure and you need to dump her. It will be tough but its best for you.

[lso802]

Let this one go.

[spookie]

She's either really fcvked up or really immature.

[Pfiend101]

Sounds like a bitch. I'd dump her bro.