highlyevolved Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 For the past 5 months i've been dating this guy and I found out this is what he told one of his friends the other day. "umm still nothing official just having fun taking things slow i guess see what happens" Dump him over this? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Well what does he mean by nothing official? If he means you are not engaged then that should not be a problem after only 5 months. If he means not exclusive then maybe you should try talking to him to see how he feels about you. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 This depends on what he's told you. If he's told you that you're an exclusive couple and that he considers you his girlfriend, yeah, I'd be a little peeved about that message. If you guys have never had a talk about exclusivity, maybe it's time to, because he is likely on a different page from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author highlyevolved Posted July 11, 2010 Author Share Posted July 11, 2010 Last week when I went to a club he messaged me saying "don't kiss anyone :(". But the whole "having fun" makes me kinda sick. I feel like a FB. I'm in the middle of packing his stuff and putting it in a garbage bag. What is "taking it slow" mean - we've been sleeping together from day 1. Link to post Share on other sites
slownumbers81 Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 I wouldn't necessarily say that this was a deal breaker, no. I'd say it just sounds like you need to talk and figure out if you are on the same page or not instead of through word of mouth. Communication is important. If you talk and then you find out you are on different pages then maybe you will realize it is a deal breaker. Who knows though maybe he is just not sure where you guys stand. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Last week when I went to a club he messaged me saying "don't kiss anyone :(". But the whole "having fun" makes me kinda sick. I feel like a FB. I'm in the middle of packing his stuff and putting it in a garbage bag. What is "taking it slow" mean - we've been sleeping together from day 1. That still doesn't really answer my question...have you guys had a conversation about being in an exclusive relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author highlyevolved Posted July 11, 2010 Author Share Posted July 11, 2010 That still doesn't really answer my question...have you guys had a conversation about being in an exclusive relationship? At about 2 months in I asked if he wanted to make it official and he said he was "happy with how things were and see what happens"..3 months still the same.. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 OP I have just gone back and read some of your past threads. It seems that this relationship has always been more important to you than it has to him. If he is not prepared to give you the commitment you need then you really should end things so that you can get on with your life and find someone who truly cares for you. I know that is probably not what you want to hear but you do need to put yourself first for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 At about 2 months in I asked if he wanted to make it official and he said he was "happy with how things were and see what happens"..3 months still the same.. Well...he hasn't really been misleading you then. You knew he was hesitant to be exclusive or "official" based on this conversation you had with him. He's essentially told his friends the same thing he told you (or hasn't told you). It seems like you desire something more serious and he doesn't. That is grounds for a break up, but not his message to his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 I also just browsed your other threads, this guy is NOT on the same page as you. If you want a serious relationship, you're better off just moving on, as you're not going to get it from this guy. Edit: I also would be very surprised if he wasn't sleeping with other women. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 For the past 5 months i've been dating this guy and I found out this is what he told one of his friends the other day. "umm still nothing official just having fun taking things slow i guess see what happens" Dump him over this? Talk with him. Why is he taking his time? For example: Girl: Hey boy, why are you taking your time? Boy: Because we met at a club and you were dating another guy at the same time. Girl: Ok, well I'm not doing that anymore. Boy: That's good. I'm just going to take a little extra time to get to know you better. Problem solved. There you go. Link to post Share on other sites
that girl Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 At about 2 months in I asked if he wanted to make it official and he said he was "happy with how things were and see what happens"..3 months still the same.. You really don't have any right to be upset when he's been upfront about not wanting to be in a "offical" relationship with you. But I really think asking someone if they want to be "offical" is too vague. To one person that can mean you are the one I am with and no one else, to someone else it could mean this is serious, possibly heading towards marriage. You need to have a talk with him. If at five months (really three months) he isn't ready to be exclusive, the odds of him ever wanting to be exclusive are a million to one. If you want this to lead to cohabitation or marriage in the next 18 months or so and he considers it exclusive but not serious at five months, you either have to be willing to wait a long time or move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author highlyevolved Posted July 12, 2010 Author Share Posted July 12, 2010 I haven't spoken to him in a few days; I think he knows something's up. How do I break the ice...I wanna send a text message but not sure what to say. Link to post Share on other sites
RegardingMe Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 If it were me, I would let him break the ice. I would give myself the time to clear my head and decide what I want. I would make him work for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gero Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 How did you find out what he said to his friend? Did you snoop around on his phone or facebook or whatever else you kids use these days? Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I haven't spoken to him in a few days; I think he knows something's up. He knows something is up and isn't calling you continually to find out what's wrong? How do I break the ice...I wanna send a text message but not sure what to say. Comfortable enough to have sex, but not comfortable enough to talk? I'm sorry but the two of you don't want the same thing. I'm not certain broaching the subject would lead to resolution. He will continue to avoid or participate at the most minimal level in an attempt to keep things just the way they are. He is content with the current situation. You aren't so you have to stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author highlyevolved Posted July 13, 2010 Author Share Posted July 13, 2010 Today i had a talk to him about stuff. He basically said he was happy with the current arrangement (which is probably hanging out once or twice a week). He wants us to be exclusive. I think he is a bit paranoid about me seeing other people "who are you texting" etc. I asked him if he was stringing me along incase someone else can along and he said "no i wouldn't do that to you I don't wanna see anyone else". I asked him if he misses me "of course i sent you all those messages saying i do". So yeah I guess I've just gotta work it slowly and take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
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