Sexually obsessed with my coworker (though I already tried and failed)

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I don't understand what's up with me. I've read plenty of Pick Up Artist material online. I know well the dangers and idiocy of One-itis (an unhealthy romantic/sexual interest in one and only one person), but I've been obsessed with one of my coworkers for months now and I can't stop thinking about her.

 

She's a secretary at the place I work at. She's not, by a long shot, the most attractive girl in the world. I see several girls more attractive than her out on about in a single night out. Nor is her personality all that unique from many other girls and she's not that interesting to talk to.

 

Still, she is all those things to a degree that it's enough that I'm interested in her, and despite having shot the breeze with her on several, several occasions, I've never felt the chemistry was there enough for her to go out with me. I got her number shortly after I met her for the first time, and I did ask her out, but she did one of those "Ummm... maybe let me see what my schedule is like," only to call me the night-of and say "Yeah, I'm not really available, but definitely another time."

 

And when I reminded her a week later asking when that "another time" might be, she said "Ummm... let me get back to you," only to never get back to me.

 

That was extremely awkward and humiliating for me, considering I have to see this girl almost every other day. At the same time, I feel like enough time has gone by that she's forgotten about it and we can comfortably chat.

 

Still though, every time I see this girl, I want her. Despite having known her for a long time and having failed my first 2 tries to get her to go out on just a measly date, I imagine the 2 of us together. I honestly, truly feel deep inside feel like failing to get this girl to go out with me is one of my biggest failures in life, and having to see her every day feels like fate/God/the universe mocking me for it.

 

I feel like that if I can't date her or at the very, very least, hook up with her 2 or 3 times just to get her out of my system, then I just want to forget about her and not feel any desire whenever I see her. What can I do?

Edited June 27, 2010 by Don'tWannabeAWannabe

[Cracker Jack]

Just jerk off to her images in your mind when you're at him.

 

But on a serious note, you just have to let it go. Aren't you supposed to be interested in some Russian woman? And some other woman? It really doesn't help you by stressing over this one woman, though.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Just jerk off to her images in your mind when you're at him.

 

But on a serious note, you just have to let it go. Aren't you supposed to be interested in some Russian woman? And some other woman? It really doesn't help you by stressing over this one woman, though.

 

Attraction isn't a choice.

 

Every time I leave from work, it hurts to not be able to leave with this girl, but at the same time I think "Okay, no more of this. You're not gonna feel anything the next time you see her."

 

And yet when I see her at work the next time, I still want her; like American Beauty type of **** here.

 

And what's worse, her facebook status says "single." Like I said, I feel like the universe is mocking me sometimes over this.

[Feelin Frisky]

It happens. Like in the movie "Silence of the Lambs" there was a line about "coveting". It went something like "you don't covet something unreachable, you covet someone you see every day". I've worked in big offices for 17 years and over that course there came several that I knew there was no future with but my heart soared just to see one of them pass by. They were years in between. But I strongly felt love sick and it usually helped me to dress better, lose weight and become more marketable. I wound up encountering girls who did want me and had relationships do to the wonderful lovesick feeling I had for some co-worker who for some reason got under my skin and into my heart and mind. I usually didn't fantasize about them sexually--I put them on a pedestal and thought I would just die of delight if they touched or kissed me.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

It happens. Like in the movie "Silence of the Lambs" there was a line about "coveting". It went something like "you don't covet something unreachable, you covet someone you see every day". I've worked in big offices for 17 years and over that course there came several that I knew there was no future with but my heart soared just to see one of them pass by. They were years in between. But I strongly felt love sick and it usually helped me to dress better, lose weight and become more marketable. I wound up encountering girls who did want me and had relationships do to the wonderful lovesick feeling I had for some co-worker who for some reason got under my skin and into my heart and mind. I usually didn't fantasize about them sexually--I put them on a pedestal and thought I would just die of delight if they touched or kissed me.

 

 

I know this isn't love sickness though. I know that if I could hook up with this girl 2 or 3 times atleast, I could get her out of my system. It's the ones you never got with (even if only once), the ones who got away, that get under your skin, you know why I mean?

[Cracker Jack]

Attraction isn't a choice.

 

Every time I leave from work, it hurts to not be able to leave with this girl, but at the same time I think "Okay, no more of this. You're not gonna feel anything the next time you see her."

 

And yet when I see her at work the next time, I still want her; like American Beauty type of **** here.

 

And what's worse, her facebook status says "single." Like I said, I feel like the universe is mocking me sometimes over this.

 

Sorry for the typo, btw. I meant "home", not him.

 

Dude, I know how you feel. It really, really hurts to feel a strong desire for a woman who doesn't share the same desire as you, but really, what else can you do? It happens.

 

Wait, though! She never specifically claimed she doesn't "look at you that way" or anything, so there's a chance. Perhaps she's been playing hard to get. If so, then there's a chance for you to still get somewhere with her. It depends on how far you're willing to go to convince her to go out with you on a date.

[that girl]

You don't even really like this girl that much, you're just bitter she didn't want to go out with you.

 

In your own words, "you see several girls more attactive than her out on a single night" and "she isn't that interesting to talk to."

 

Yet this is one of the biggest failures of your life? Honey, if that is true, you need to pick a diety and get down on your knees and give thanks that not getting with a girl you think is so-so is the biggest failure in your life.

 

This is about pride and it is dumb. The girl who got away is traditionally a girl who is everything you want, but you lost foolishly. Not a girl you are lukewarm on who doesn't want to date you.

 

I think you need to stop reading pick up advice, it sounds like it is twisting you into seeing woman as a reflection of your worth.

[Bangle]

 

I think you need to stop reading pick up advice, it sounds like it is twisting you into seeing woman as a reflection of your worth.

 

Ironically it is supposed to teach you the opposite lol.

[that girl]

Ironically it is supposed to teach you the opposite lol.

 

Eh, while I don't think anyone should get hung up on someone they barely know, pick up artist materials do treat women as things and sleeping with women as a reflection of self-worth. The women don't matter, but scoring does. It isn't all terrible advice, but a huge amount of it is.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Sorry for the typo, btw. I meant "home", not him.

 

Dude, I know how you feel. It really, really hurts to feel a strong desire for a woman who doesn't share the same desire as you, but really, what else can you do? It happens.

 

Wait, though! She never specifically claimed she doesn't "look at you that way" or anything, so there's a chance. Perhaps she's been playing hard to get.

 

For a year?

 

If so, then there's a chance for you to still get somewhere with her. It depends on how far you're willing to go to convince her to go out with you on a date.

 

Far enough to see if I have a chance, but not far enough that if it doesn't work out, it's going to be awkward seeing eachother every other day.

[Bangle]

Eh, while I don't think anyone should get hung up on someone they barely know, pick up artist materials do treat women as things and sleeping with women as a reflection of self-worth. The women don't matter, but scoring does. It isn't all terrible advice, but a huge amount of it is.

 

PUA guides teach a man to be comfortable, comfortable and successful within himself before pursuing, it does not teach men that all their self worth is placed on a woman, read the books if you do not believe me.

[Engadget]

PUA guides teach a man to be comfortable, comfortable and successful within himself before pursuing, it does not teach men that all their self worth is placed on a woman, read the books if you do not believe me.

 

People actually read that stuff?

[Feelin Frisky]

Oh that's just...awwww ...I don't know how else to say it

 

Sweet of you to say.

[Bangle]

People actually read that stuff?

 

I did and it helped me pick up women in clubs, bars and other social settings, but when it comes to wanting something deeper and more meaningful then the flaws of the PUA system and guides is all too evident to see.

[SadandConfusedWA]

You don't even really like this girl that much, you're just bitter she didn't want to go out with you.

 

In your own words, "you see several girls more attactive than her out on a single night" and "she isn't that interesting to talk to."

 

Yet this is one of the biggest failures of your life? Honey, if that is true, you need to pick a diety and get down on your knees and give thanks that not getting with a girl you think is so-so is the biggest failure in your life.

 

 

That's just it. He might objectively see that there are girls that are prettier, funnier, more interesting but for some reason he is strongly drawn to this one. It doesn't mean that he feels "lukewarm" about her. It just means that he is puzzled by why he is so crazy about this girl. It is probably even more meaningful than if he were to say OMG she is the best looking girl I have ever seen.

[Ariadne]

It just means that he is puzzled by why he is so crazy about this girl. It is probably even more meaningful than if he were to say OMG she is the best looking girl I have ever seen.

 

Probably because as he says, he got her number shortly after they met. That means he or she started working there and he saw this girl that was so so and thought he'd have a chance.

 

Then of course she said no, and he had to go to work every single day and put up with the embarrassment. And you know how people want what they can't have. It'll be the only way to redeem himself in his mind.