Through GF wanting 'space', I ultimately recognized it was ME that CAUSED it.

[GordonGekko]

About 9 days ago (maybe longer because I wasn't informed directly right away), my GF wanted 'space'. I gave it to her, but also more-or-less blamed both of us equally for things not working out. She was always running out with her friends and not managing her time well as far as the relationship goes, I objected over time, she became frustrated with me being in her business and there you are. Also, she said that she didn't feel attractive to me.. to everyone else, yes, but her frustration was that I couldn't recognize it. Now, I'm not cold, but I understand girls have different needs. 2/3 of this I handled great (time investment, material things, being there for her, both physically --or so i thought-- and emotionally etc.), but 1/3 was very lacking, causing a build-up over time that ultimately lead to this behavior.

 

She isn't on no contact with me or me her and we have no set rules (she did contact me 2-3 days in and we hung out, but it was weird and she said she still needed more time). I've left her alone for 4-5 days and text-wise for about 3. I know what the rules of no contact are, but now that I've had an ephiphany I do feel badly and want to at least express that I am the one who messed up and I recognize this fact.

 

A lot of people will say give her the time and space she needs and let her come back to you, but the issues I have with her ultimately stem from ME (90%). I just didn't have any idea until I could reflect for a good amount of time. I'm improving myself every day. I just feel like I have to roll the dice, contact her and just express myself in person.. so that at least she understands that she was RIGHT and I am an honorable person. She still says she loves me and all of that, but I'm sure she's shopping to see if she can find something better. If she can, great, I'm happy for her, and will have to accept the responsibility that I screwed up.

 

Actions speak louder than words, but do you think it's inappropriate to text her instead of waiting. If I didn't have this breakthrough I don't think I would've considered it. But now, I just feel like she deserves to know...regardless of the fall-out or how it makes me look. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and admit when you're wrong.

 

I just wonder whether, after reading this, I should text her not to say I'm wrong, but to attempt to start diaologue. My goal is getting her back, but I am realistic enough to recognize that this may not be possible. We had no other issues going on. Thanks!

[ADF]

I doubt very much she's "shopping." When someone says, "I need space," they almost always really mean, "I've found someone else." Almost always.

 

I would bet any amount of money that your GF already has another man, and they got together BEFORE her request for "space."

 

I doubt, really doubt, your GF is being honest with you.

[Diezel]

About 9 days ago (maybe longer because I wasn't informed directly right away), my GF wanted 'space'.

 

How long has this relationship been going on for?

Because to be honest, "SPACE" is just one step away from "BREAK".

BREAK means "It's over for good".

 

I gave it to her, but also more-or-less blamed both of us equally for things not working out. She was always running out with her friends and not managing her time well as far as the relationship goes, I objected over time, she became frustrated with me being in her business and there you are.

 

There you have it, you weren't a priority for her then.

This already should have been a tell-tale sign of a failing relationship.

 

Also, she said that she didn't feel attractive to me.. to everyone else, yes, but her frustration was that I couldn't recognize it.[/QUotE]

 

I hope you understand that this is just a defense mechanism for her to slowly dump you, right? This is the biggest bunch of crock I've heard from women. When they say that they don't feel attractive to you, it means, "I'm not attracted to you anymore and I want to see other people", but by saying it the way she's saying it to you, she's victimizing herself and displacing the blame onto YOU.

 

Now, I'm not cold, but I understand girls have different needs. 2/3 of this I handled great (time investment, material things, being there for her, both physically --or so i thought-- and emotionally etc.), but 1/3 was very lacking, causing a build-up over time that ultimately lead to this behavior.

 

So what you're saying is that you were there for her 24/7? But she was free to prance around with friends and dodge out on time with you?

 

She isn't on no contact with me or me her and we have no set rules (she did contact me 2-3 days in and we hung out, but it was weird and she said she still needed more time). I've left her alone for 4-5 days and text-wise for about 3. I know what the rules of no contact are, but now that I've had an ephiphany I do feel badly and want to at least express that I am the one who messed up and I recognize this fact.[/QUotE]

 

It's funny, because in ALL of this, you have yet to explain anything concrete stating HOW it's your fault. You had the wrong epiphany. The right epiphany would be: This relationship is over.

 

A lot of people will say give her the time and space she needs and let her come back to you, but the issues I have with her ultimately stem from ME (90%). I just didn't have any idea until I could reflect for a good amount of time. I'm improving myself every day. I just feel like I have to roll the dice, contact her and just express myself in person.. so that at least she understands that she was RIGHT and I am an honorable person. She still says she loves me and all of that, but I'm sure she's shopping to see if she can find something better. If she can, great, I'm happy for her, and will have to accept the responsibility that I screwed up.

 

ANOTHER useless paragraph here.

HOW is it your fault? You've yet to state anything you did!

Did you look at other women? Do you have texts or calls from other women in your cell-phone? Did she see your Facebook riddled with pick up lines from other women??

 

Of course she says she still loves you, it's because whoever she is seeing on the side right now... isn't still a guarantee to her. So she's going to continue to string you along while she sees how the new person pans out.

 

And please, this isn't a Hollywood movie. Don't say you're happy for her if she finds someone better. Were you taking low self-esteem pills while you were typing this out? You be happy for YOURSELF because you'd be ditching a low quality woman before anything serious happens.

 

Actions speak louder than words, but do you think it's inappropriate to text her instead of waiting. If I didn't have this breakthrough I don't think I would've considered it. But now, I just feel like she deserves to know...regardless of the fall-out or how it makes me look. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and admit when you're wrong.

 

I just wonder whether, after reading this, I should text her not to say I'm wrong, but to attempt to start diaologue. My goal is getting her back, but I am realistic enough to recognize that this may not be possible. We had no other issues going on. Thanks!

 

HOW ARE YOU WRONG?

 

Get her back?

 

WHY? She's willing to put you into Time-Out for NOT doing anything at all. Again, you've yet to mention how any of this is your fault.

 

SHE is the one causing all of this, NOT YOU.

 

Run away from this situation. EJECT NOW. She is no good for you and there are a multitude of other women that would be better for you than this one.