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! Are we ever going to be more than friends?


sunshinestate

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sunshinestate

So, I posted a couple of days ago about my situation (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t234600/), but would really like some advice on what to make of all of this.

 

To make a long story short, met a guy on an online website back in late February. We exchanged emails until late April when we moved to phone calls and texting. We have gone out on 4 dates and seem to not have a shortage of things to talk about while together or during email exchanges between dates.

 

Recently we had a little situation involving the online dating site. He apologized and since then we have decided to continue having fun together. He said he really likes me and realized what a loss it would be if I were to suddenly disappear. Last week he emailed me and told me he wanted to be friends first (his email is in the first post) and we would need to be careful before moving to the next step. To be fair he warned me prior to going out that his limited experiences with previous gfs were very negative.

 

To get things back on track with him I asked him to do something this week. We were going to go out tonight but I offered to reschedule after exchanging texts in which he asked to push up the date to earlier in the evening and hinted he was tired (he isn't sleeping well after recently having surgery). He immediately emailed me to ask what days next week work for me and apologized for rescheduling.

 

I am not sure what to make of his behavior and if he is really interested in me. It would be great if we could build something on a friendship, but if this is a nice way of blowing me off it would be nice to know. I would like something more with him, but would be happy with a friendship with such a nice guy as well.

 

Is this a nice way of blowing me off or could there be genuine interest there?

 

Thanks!

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petiteprincess

I would give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he meets you. If he blows you off time and time again, he is probably afraid to tell you he is scared or schedules to make you seem important but arent. I am in a similar situation and i want more than friendship and i wont hang out for fear it wont go anywhere and i am in love with him. We have been phone friends for 6 months and i just moved to his city. I keep making excuses too and i so badly wanna see him.

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Last week he emailed me and told me he wanted to be friends first (his email is in the first post) and we would need to be careful before moving to the next step.

 

WHAT?

 

I have read through your post twice, and frankly, I wonder if this guy is gay. Either that, or he is seeing someone else and feels guilty.

 

I'm sorry, but straight guys never, ever want to be "friends first." Never, never, never. When a straight guy says he wants to "take it slow," he means in terms of commitment, not in term of sex. Straight guys don't want to wait 5 minutes for sex, never mind several months.

 

Somehow, I don't think you're getting the whole story from this guy. I don't know what the whole story might be, but I bet you haven't heard it yet.

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xpaperxcutx
WHAT?

 

I have read through your post twice, and frankly, I wonder if this guy is gay. Either that, or he is seeing someone else and feels guilty.

 

I'm sorry, but straight guys never, ever want to be "friends first." Never, never, never. When a straight guy says he wants to "take it slow," he means in terms of commitment, not in term of sex. Straight guys don't want to wait 5 minutes for sex, never mind several months.

 

Somehow, I don't think you're getting the whole story from this guy. I don't know what the whole story might be, but I bet you haven't heard it yet.

 

Agreed.

 

This guy is sketchy to say the least. What kind of guy would offer to be friends first? If that were the case, I doubt I would need to look for a " friend" on an online dating site. It just tells me he's too lazy to want to date, but he's trying to worm his way into getting girls to sleep with him.

 

I would pay close attention to his actions not his words.

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I'm a guy who would want friends first. I've come to realize that you can't get to know someone in a few weeks fir a relationship. I strongly urge staying friends for a bit before going forward because there is a less likely chance of you getting burned.

 

The other reason is that people tend to put their best foot forward when out on dates. If you wait a little bit, you might find people act truer to their nature... Which will give you a more realistic view if their inner nature.

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I'm a guy who would want friends first. I've come to realize that you can't get to know someone in a few weeks fir a relationship. I strongly urge staying friends for a bit before going forward because there is a less likely chance of you getting burned.

 

The other reason is that people tend to put their best foot forward when out on dates. If you wait a little bit, you might find people act truer to their nature... Which will give you a more realistic view if their inner nature.

 

Great. Wonderful. But do you agree that you are pretty rare in this regard?

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sunshinestate

Thank you for posts. I have a lot to think about now.

 

Update:

 

After his email yesterday morning I decided rather than respond as soon as I got an opportunity (we are both usually pretty good about sending a few quick emails per day). Later that afternoon after he got off of work he called. And again, rather than quickly responding, I sent him a casual text later that night stating I noticed I had a missed call from him and if anything was up. He responded with a text stating he wanted to make sure I had gotten his messages and I wasn't on my way to meet him. I reponded, "No, but thank you for checking." He told me to have a great weekend away and he would be taking it easy at his competition (for his hobby) and that was that.

 

Is it possible I have just made myself too available for him? I figured I was doing us both a favor because he is shy and I am not in the least bit shy. Do I just need to let him do a bit more of the chasing and then approach the relationship topic again?

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uhh, he said friends first.

trying to get him to chase you by playing games won't work.

He appear to have enough going on in his life that he doesn't really need a GF or he allready has one.

 

Have you asked him why friends first?

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sunshinestate

No games have been played, nor am I keen on playing any with him. I have been upfront and made it known I like him and interested in dating him and just seeing where things go.

 

As far as why he wants to start out as friends first is because, "he has bad memories" from previous relationships that include a cheating GF, and women that have fallen in love with other men while dating him. He said if things were to move forward it would need, "to be careful and we should really talk more about how one feels."

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No games have been played, nor am I keen on playing any with him. I have been upfront and made it known I like him and interested in dating him and just seeing where things go.

 

As far as why he wants to start out as friends first is because, "he has bad memories" from previous relationships that include a cheating GF, and women that have fallen in love with other men while dating him. He said if things were to move forward it would need, "to be careful and we should really talk more about how one feels."

 

Purposefully not responding when you can & trying to make yourself less available is playing games.

 

 

On the situation of friends first, if it were me & a woman told me that i'd tell her "ok, we can be friends" but I am going to keep pursueing other women that interest me until i'm in an exclusive relationship weather its with you or someone else.

 

I'd tell your guy the same thing then do it.

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sunshinestate
Purposefully not responding when you can & trying to make yourself less available is playing games.

 

Phineas, you are correct. However, prior to this incident I was honest and never played games. Like I said, he is shy and I have no qualms about approaching men to nudge the situation along (we women did fight for equality after all).

 

Thank you everyone for your responses. I think it is best to remain friends with him and continue to date others. I would rather not try and decipher his hot (I like you-don't want to suddenly lose you-removed my online dating profile) and cold (let's be good friends first-move careful into something further) behavior.

 

Since when did women get put into the "friend-zone" anyway? I thought this is a ploy only we women used? There once was a time when a man who was simply not interested in a woman would cease all contact and ignore her...

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sunshinestate
Since when did women get put into the "friend-zone" anyway?

Your an idiot.

 

I'm the idiot? Check your sentence again and then think before insulting others…

 

My point was simply, it has been my experience men don't play that game. Men just move on if not interested, while sometimes women put men into the "friend-zone", rather than be upfront about their true feelings.

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