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How can I tell if the girl I am dating is promiscuous??


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It has been crossing my mind fairly a lot. Its weird. I'll give you a quick rundown and you can make a judgment or tell me anything I should look out for. I really just don;t want to be wasting my time with a girl who is like that.

 

She hangs out with other girls who are definitely a bit slutty. We had sex fairly quickly after meeting. Like two make out sessions then sex the third or fourth time. I didn't even take her out on dates, we just met up at a bar the first few times. Doesn't really dress like a slut. Had 2 boyfriends for extended periods of time before me, but had like a year and a half break before me. Other things like pictures of her really drunk on facebook at clubs and dancing. One more thing is I did not go to her high school, she went to another school in the area. So when we are at bars she knows a lot of guys, not that its bad but when you know more dudes than chicks youre usually a slut. I know a bunch of guys try to get with her at the bars, but I'm there so she always pushes them off. But they hit on her like its nothing.

 

Just slightly confused, I could take her or leave her but its getting to the point where I want to pick a direction its been 2 months now.

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any tests i can implement? just something I should be attuned to. I don't want to look through her phone thats sleezy.

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brainygirl

If you like her and enjoy being with her, is it important? Maybe she went through a wild streak and is looking to find something more stable?

 

Why do you care?

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amymarieca

The one thing I always fail to understand is why this matters so much to some guys. The amount of men a girl has been with does not speak to her intelligence, ability to be faithful, kindness, loyalty, or anything else really other than her comfort level with herself sexually. How do I know this? I am a living example of it. The only thing you deserve to know about her past in a sexual way is that she doesn't have an STD, which can easily be found by getting tested.

 

So to answer your question, there are no simple tests you can do to figure this out. I think the solution is to work on your own self esteem and jealousy issues.

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How old is she? If she is too young, perhaps, it is a period of testing reality and trying things. Why does she go to bars so often? What does she like there? Ask her what she thinks about exclusivity in general (not with you and not right now). Did she cheat on her BF? What does she think about NSA sex and FWBs stuff?

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Well OP, on the other side of the coin, if she didn't drink and didn't hang around with 'slutty girls' and you hadn't yet had sex with her because she 'isn't that kind of girl', would you be with her?

 

You can't have it both ways, though, at your age, you probably figure you can.

 

If she's truly promiscuous in an unhealthy way, meaning promiscuity is a threat to a stable and healthy relationship, you'll see signs of it every day in how she interacts with others and how men respond to her signals. What you do with that information is up to you. Her numbers, absent STD's resulting, are irrelevant. How she treats you as her partner is relevant. How's that going?

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We had sex fairly quickly after meeting.

Doesn't that tend to indicate she's the exact same level of slutty (or not-slutty) as you?

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I know its being a hypocrite. I know it isn't right. I fully agree. But my feeling is if I want to seriously date her these concerns will have to be squashed. Most guys wouldn;t want to be in the dark about the woman they are with. If I found out 6 months down the road she slept with 40 dudes in college, im sorry to say, but ya that might change things. It just the way I am wired, and im probably not alone.

 

I should mention she wants us to be super serious. Which is a decent sign. But I can;t help the suspicion.

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I know its being a hypocrite. I know it isn't right. I fully agree. But my feeling is if I want to seriously date her these concerns will have to be squashed. Most guys wouldn;t want to be in the dark about the woman they are with. If I found out 6 months down the road she slept with 40 dudes in college, im sorry to say, but ya that might change things. It just the way I am wired, and im probably not alone.

 

I should mention she wants us to be super serious. Which is a decent sign. But I can;t help the suspicion.

 

Here's a suggestion. If you don't feel comfortable pursuing this then don't. Your suspicions won't just suddenly vanish. Instead, maybe look into pursuing another girl who you're comfortable with.

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Chicago_Guy
The one thing I always fail to understand is why this matters so much to some guys. The amount of men a girl has been with does not speak to her intelligence, ability to be faithful, kindness, loyalty, or anything else really other than her comfort level with herself sexually. How do I know this? I am a living example of it. The only thing you deserve to know about her past in a sexual way is that she doesn't have an STD, which can easily be found by getting tested.

 

So to answer your question, there are no simple tests you can do to figure this out. I think the solution is to work on your own self esteem and jealousy issues.

 

Rightly or wrongly, men generally do assume that a woman with a promiscuous past is unlikely to remain faithful because she likes to be with many different men.

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Citizen Erased

Please can someone point out exactly why this girl could be considered slutty...

 

Having friends that are doesn't make her one, how ridiculous.

 

You know, if you really want to be sure, maybe there is a nun you can convince to give up her vows for you.

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Rightly or wrongly, men generally do assume that a woman with a promiscuous past is unlikely to remain faithful because she likes to be with many different men.

 

Usually they are right also. Women with a past tend to cheat and then give the usual talk about beating men at their own game and a million justifications when they do. You can call man sexist all you want but we have good reasons for our standards on choosing women.

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Citizen Erased
Usually they are right also. Women with a past tend to cheat and then give the usual talk about beating men at their own game and a million justifications when they do. You can call man sexist all you want but we have good reasons for our standards on choosing women.

So in other words, it's ok for MEN to cheat because they started the "game" in the first place, whilst women do it to get back at men for starting the "game". :rolleyes:

 

Yeah. I'd bet you my LIFE that the MAJORITY of PEOPLE that cheat do it because they are UNHAPPY IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT ARE ARSEHOLES THAT DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE FIRST.

 

Ridiculous as always Woggle.

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So in other words, it's ok for MEN to cheat because they started the "game" in the first place, whilst women do it to get back at men for starting the "game". :rolleyes:

 

Yeah. I'd bet you my LIFE that the MAJORITY of PEOPLE that cheat do it because they are UNHAPPY IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT ARE ARSEHOLES THAT DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE FIRST.

 

Ridiculous as always Woggle.

 

I never said it was okay for men to cheat. I am very much against it both ways but deep down many of these so called sexually free women believe it is perfectly okay for women to do so because now it is time to turn the tables.

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Woggle be nice otherwise I am going to start singing pop music. :rolleyes::lmao:

 

I am just stating it like it is. If you were a man who would you pick?

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Citizen Erased
I never said it was okay for men to cheat. I am very much against it both ways but...blah blah blah

Please point out how this is relevant to the OP's situation? Do you know the girl personally and you know she's a cheater? At no point has it been indicated she's even slept with very many people, the OP is basing it on a few of her friends, that she was single for a year and a half and that she slept with him quickly...in the same amount of time he slept with her. ;)

 

In fact considering his disgusting way of speaking about this in general I'd be advising her to run away from him.

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I am just stating it like it is. If you were a man who would you pick?

 

I would probably pick the male who was somewhere in the middle. ;)

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To answer the OP... Just go with what your gut says.

If it's telling you that she's promiscuous then she psobably is. It'll come out over time anyway.

Probably better to not treat her as a girlfriend just yet. Keep seeing her as you have been and see what time tells you.

 

 

It has been crossing my mind fairly a lot. Its weird. I'll give you a quick rundown and you can make a judgment or tell me anything I should look out for. I really just don;t want to be wasting my time with a girl who is like that.

 

She hangs out with other girls who are definitely a bit slutty. We had sex fairly quickly after meeting. Like two make out sessions then sex the third or fourth time. I didn't even take her out on dates, we just met up at a bar the first few times. Doesn't really dress like a slut. Had 2 boyfriends for extended periods of time before me, but had like a year and a half break before me. Other things like pictures of her really drunk on facebook at clubs and dancing. One more thing is I did not go to her high school, she went to another school in the area. So when we are at bars she knows a lot of guys, not that its bad but when you know more dudes than chicks youre usually a slut. I know a bunch of guys try to get with her at the bars, but I'm there so she always pushes them off. But they hit on her like its nothing.

 

Just slightly confused, I could take her or leave her but its getting to the point where I want to pick a direction its been 2 months now.

 

From the information written here, I personally wouldn't have reason to believe she's very promiscuous.

 

I don't think a girl who knows more guys than girls is necessarily a slut but if she's got many more male friends than female ones then that's not a very good sign IMO. I've made the mistake of trying to make a girlfriend out of women like that before and I won't be doing it again.

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It has been crossing my mind fairly a lot. Its weird. I'll give you a quick rundown and you can make a judgment or tell me anything I should look out for. I really just don;t want to be wasting my time with a girl who is like that.

 

She hangs out with other girls who are definitely a bit slutty. We had sex fairly quickly after meeting. Like two make out sessions then sex the third or fourth time. I didn't even take her out on dates, we just met up at a bar the first few times. Doesn't really dress like a slut. Had 2 boyfriends for extended periods of time before me, but had like a year and a half break before me. Other things like pictures of her really drunk on facebook at clubs and dancing. One more thing is I did not go to her high school, she went to another school in the area. So when we are at bars she knows a lot of guys, not that its bad but when you know more dudes than chicks youre usually a slut. I know a bunch of guys try to get with her at the bars, but I'm there so she always pushes them off. But they hit on her like its nothing.

 

Just slightly confused, I could take her or leave her but its getting to the point where I want to pick a direction its been 2 months now.

 

refer to bolded areas:

 

first - this is the reason women play games with men. THIS IS THE REASON. You have condemned her for having sex with you. It takes two to tango, so does that make you easy or cheap?

 

second - why is this any of your business, and why is it relevant?

 

third - I have three brothers and no sisters, I know way more dudes than chicks, way more, so that makes me a slut?

 

ridiculous . . .

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