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Why are Aspies so horrible with dating?


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Old 14th May 2010, 7:25 PM   #1
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Why are Aspies so horrible with dating?

I've noticed most males I know with Asperger's seem to have really bad luck with trying to find a girl. I've noticed that if they do date or marry, it is common for them to not even find a girlfriend until their late 20's/early 30's, and even when they do the relationship never seems to work out well. It really sucks, because alot of them are largely nice people and deserve someone.

Any thoughts?
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Old 14th May 2010, 8:04 PM   #2
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I've noticed most males I know with Asperger's seem to have really bad luck with trying to find a girl. I've noticed that if they do date or marry, it is common for them to not even find a girlfriend until their late 20's/early 30's, and even when they do the relationship never seems to work out well. It really sucks, because alot of them are largely nice people and deserve someone.

Any thoughts?
Since I know nothing about Asperger's I looked it up. This answers your question:

"Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
Dislike any changes in routines.
Appear to lack empathy.
Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. Likewise, his or her speech may be flat and difficult to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent."

That's just a few, but that pretty much answers why they don't have luck with women.
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Old 14th May 2010, 10:03 PM   #3
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True, but I guess I would have liked a more detailed reason as to why. I suppose there aren't many people who have a more in depth knowledge about the condition or have experience with kids/adults who have it in real life?

Seriously, I need help with this. These guys have as much bad luck as I do with women but they seem to actually try. I feel bad for them.

Last edited by Doku; 14th May 2010 at 10:07 PM..
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Old 14th May 2010, 10:09 PM   #4
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True, but I guess I would have liked a more detailed reason as to why. I suppose there aren't many people who have a more in depth knowledge about the condition or have experience with kids/adults who have it in real life?
Now that I read about it, I wonder if my cousin has it. He seems to have serious issues understanding sarcasm and vocal inflection, which has led to quite a few misunderstandings.

I know nothing besides what I read about it, so I imagine a lot of people don't know much about it.
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Old 14th May 2010, 10:18 PM   #5
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True, but I guess I would have liked a more detailed reason as to why. I suppose there aren't many people who have a more in depth knowledge about the condition or have experience with kids/adults who have it in real life?

Seriously, I need help with this. These guys have as much bad luck as I do with women but they seem to actually try. I feel bad for them.
I don't mean this sarcastically, but how much more detailed can you get? Isn't a primary element of dating and forming relationships the ability to communicate verbally and non verbally, to form a connection and a bond with another person? And aren't relationships that "spark" the ones where the people are successful at finding, and nurturing a strong, intimate bond of some sort through their interactions?

Now, take away or diminish almost all of a person's skills at interpreting the layers and subtleties of both verbal and non verbal communication and social interaction. Is it any wonder that it would be incredibly difficult to even get a date started, let alone to move it along and make progress toward a mutually valued, emotionally intimate bond?
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Old 14th May 2010, 11:04 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Doku View Post
I've noticed most males I know with Asperger's seem to have really bad luck with trying to find a girl. I've noticed that if they do date or marry, it is common for them to not even find a girlfriend until their late 20's/early 30's, and even when they do the relationship never seems to work out well. It really sucks, because alot of them are largely nice people and deserve someone.

Any thoughts?
Sorry. I would reccomend avoiding those with this condition. They are incapable of love.
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Old 14th May 2010, 11:07 PM   #7
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I don't mean this sarcastically, but how much more detailed can you get? Isn't a primary element of dating and forming relationships the ability to communicate verbally and non verbally, to form a connection and a bond with another person? And aren't relationships that "spark" the ones where the people are successful at finding, and nurturing a strong, intimate bond of some sort through their interactions?

Now, take away or diminish almost all of a person's skills at interpreting the layers and subtleties of both verbal and non verbal communication and social interaction. Is it any wonder that it would be incredibly difficult to even get a date started, let alone to move it along and make progress toward a mutually valued, emotionally intimate bond?
RIght. I read that less one in fifty marry. For good reason. An aspie wanted to be my friend and I turned him down. Too much work.
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Old 14th May 2010, 11:31 PM   #8
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Well considering that Aspies is just the new name given to people that in the past were labeled as "Nerds" or "Geeks" that there could be your answer.
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Old 14th May 2010, 11:35 PM   #9
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I'm convinced that I have it
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Old 14th May 2010, 11:41 PM   #10
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I'm convinced that I have it
haha I'm convinced aspergers or whatever it is called doesn't really exist.
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Old 14th May 2010, 11:46 PM   #11
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Sorry. I would reccomend avoiding those with this condition. They are incapable of love.
I disagree. They are capable of love, but unable to show it in a manner that is satisfactory to most people. I would much rather be with someone with Asperger's than someone with sociopathic tendencies. Believe me, they feel the social pain of rejection.
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Old 15th May 2010, 12:23 AM   #12
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Sorry. I would reccomend avoiding those with this condition. They are incapable of love.
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I disagree. They are capable of love, but unable to show it in a manner that is satisfactory to most people. I would much rather be with someone with Asperger's than someone with sociopathic tendencies. Believe me, they feel the social pain of rejection.
I think it's a common misconception that someone with Aspergers is incapable of love, at least, it depends on how they are raised. I've known many that become somewhat misanthropic due to the way they are brought up, and it's easier for them to stay wrapped in hobbies and avoid the outside world if enabled to do so. It's just that they tend to be easily more effected by negative environments than others. I actually knew one Aspie who was the most clingy possible person to girls that he dated who in return took complete and utter advantage of how naive he was.

Another important note to point out is that they do biologically mature a fair amount slower than neurotypicals. At 27-30 they are in the growing stage that many of us are in during our 18-20 stage.
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Old 15th May 2010, 12:53 AM   #13
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I disagree. They are capable of love, but unable to show it in a manner that is satisfactory to most people. I would much rather be with someone with Asperger's than someone with sociopathic tendencies. Believe me, they feel the social pain of rejection.
A man should lead. I am not a training ground and the rare aspie who is capable of love insists on that.
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Old 15th May 2010, 12:55 AM   #14
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I think it's a common misconception that someone with Aspergers is incapable of love, at least, it depends on how they are raised. I've known many that become somewhat misanthropic due to the way they are brought up, and it's easier for them to stay wrapped in hobbies and avoid the outside world if enabled to do so. It's just that they tend to be easily more effected by negative environments than others. I actually knew one Aspie who was the most clingy possible person to girls that he dated who in return took complete and utter advantage of how naive he was.

Another important note to point out is that they do biologically mature a fair amount slower than neurotypicals. At 27-30 they are in the growing stage that many of us are in during our 18-20 stage.
Aspies are clingy and I have no patience for that. I will not date them or befriend them.
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Old 15th May 2010, 4:26 AM   #15
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haha I'm convinced aspergers or whatever it is called doesn't really exist.
Interesting. What evidence did you collect and analyze that led you to this conclusion?
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