texts again

[madde09]

Hi, i wrote in another forum as well but would like some more input.

 

I've found some texts in my BF phone, we've been together for 18 months and he says he wants to marry me etc.

Anyway the texts were to some friend at work joking about hot chicks that they see, something along with

 

BF-oh man you wish you were at work today

Friend-Seems like I'm missing out on something!!

 

BF-I can't cope anymore :-)

Friend-tell me about it!I love my job

 

is this just harmless fun or something else?

To me it seems disrespectful towards me and the other guys GF???

 

What do you think?

[D-Lish]

Are you sure the texts were in reference to girls?

 

If you're sure, he's a douche-bag.

[ADF]

What I think is you need to start showing your boyfiriend some respect and stop spying on him like he's a criminal. What is worng with people these days? They think nothing of snooping through each others phones, sneaking into each others email accounts, even following each other around and spying. What, do the ends justify the means now? If I ever caught my GF doing something like that, even once, I'd dump her right there and then.

 

Anyway, none of those texts suggest your BF violated the terms of you relationship in any way. Lighten up. And stop snooping.

[madde09]

so I guess this is another one of these questions men and women think very different in??

I don't like it but I know people are different and you gotta give you partner some room to "play" but where is the line?

[xRJ85x]

Hi, i wrote in another forum as well but would like some more input.

 

I've found some texts in my BF phone, we've been together for 18 months and he says he wants to marry me etc.

Anyway the texts were to some friend at work joking about hot chicks that they see, something along with

 

BF-oh man you wish you were at work today

Friend-Seems like I'm missing out on something!!

 

BF-I can't cope anymore :-)

Friend-tell me about it!I love my job

 

is this just harmless fun or something else?

To me it seems disrespectful towards me and the other guys GF???

 

What do you think?

 

Doesn't imply anything about girls, but even if it did, I bolded the word that gives you your answer. I would assume you're obviously very comfortable and trusting of your bf, so I wouldn't take it to be anything more than a harmless joke. Both sides do it. And the degree of trust between a man and a woman is inversely proportionate to how they'll feel when their other says something. If a girl I just started dating and didn't know very well said something, then I get really pissed. But if we've been together for a long time and developed trust, I'd probably laugh and make some kind of joke along with her.

[norajane]

Sounds like kids in a candy store.

 

Where do these guys work?

[xRJ85x]

Wanna really get him by the nuts? Next time you actually catch him in person, make a joke about wanting to get with her too (make a joke about having a 3some with her haha). Not only will your bf love the additional humor, but it'll just be another tally raising his attraction to you.

[madde09]

we have delt with some issues but I'm sure he wouldn't cheat or anything, he is very comitted etc..But I do know these texts are about the chicks he sees at work.

He has a way you know of talking about other chicks, like "this and this girl was super hot" about someone he met years ago etc. I guess he feels comfortable with me so he can say it, he didn't in the beginning of our relationship.

I must say though that he compliments me alot saying Im beautiful, he loves me etc, so I guess this is just a "guy thing" or what???

[madde09]

he works at a beach hotel;a lot of hot chicks..

 

well he doesn't joke about it with me, so I can't really say anything??

[norajane]

I don't think guys ever stop looking at hot women, until the day they die. And if they've got a friend to share the scenery with, they're going to talk about it.

 

Unless you have reason to believe he'd cheat on you, stop snooping in his phone.

[D-Lish]

He has a way you know of talking about other chicks, like "this and this girl was super hot" about someone he met years ago etc. I guess he feels comfortable with me so he can say it,

 

I'm more inclined to say he's insecure, and he mentions these things to make you feel bad on purpose so he can feel better.

[madde09]

yeah I guess you're right, and I don't think he would ever act on it..we are very close and he spends alot of time with me and at home so I guess this is his little "fun", I guess if it's harmless like that, even if I don't like it, it's ok??

[madde09]

hmm D-Lish, he's not insecure at all but he likes to have people liking him if you understand what I mean, so maybe actually a little insecurity??

[xRJ85x]

he works at a beach hotel;a lot of hot chicks..

 

well he doesn't joke about it with me, so I can't really say anything??

 

That's because the general reaction of most women is to get mad. Why? Because most women aren't in as deep of a relationship with you. Just as I said above, if you don't trust the person as much, you're going to take higher offense to it.

 

I don't think guys ever stop looking at hot women, until the day they die. And if they've got a friend to share the scenery with, they're going to talk about it.

 

Unless you have reason to believe he'd cheat on you, stop snooping in his phone.

 

Absolutely right, we do. Looking and talking about them. We're not going to look away from something attractive, and a lot of the basis for jokes with other guy friends are about women. However, it's nothing more than a funny joke if we really love you.

 

I'm more inclined to say he's insecure, and he mentions these things to make you feel bad on purpose so he can feel better.

 

I don't get how this makes any sense at all...

[D-Lish]

 

I don't get how this makes any sense at all...

 

A guy that feels the need to vocalize to the woman he loves that he finds other women "hot"... Is not secure.

 

Hmm... What don't you get:confused:. You have never taken a course in human psychology I imagine.

 

A guy that is secure with himself, doesn't need to constantly remind his partner that other woman find him attractive. Why would he if he felt confident?

[madde09]

ok so if you guys are together and talking, u talk about other chicks and stuff even if you have girlfiends?

if a friend of yours (a man) who was in a serious relationship said or texted something like this to you, you wouldn't find it weird?just fun?

[D-Lish]

ok so if you guys are together and talking, u talk about other chicks and stuff even if you have girlfiends?

if a friend of yours (a man) who was in a serious relationship said or texted something like this to you, you wouldn't find it weird?just fun?

 

Guys will talk about what they talk about when they are together. A lot of it is about guy talk. I'd be more concerned that he talks about other women being hot in front of you. Thats designed to make you feel threatened, and that's not good.

[xRJ85x]

A guy that feels the need to vocalize to the woman he loves that he finds other women "hot"... Is not secure.

 

Hmm... What don't you get:confused:. You have never taken a course in human psychology I imagine.

 

A guy that is secure with himself, doesn't need to constantly remind his partner that other woman find him attractive. Why would he if he felt confident?

 

You're getting over-defensive about it, that's why you're thinking of it as insecurity. We're simply appreciating the aesthetic beauty of another girl (no, not meant to be as a joke). You find male celebrities attractive, yes? How's the average hot Joe walking down the street any different outside of popularity?

 

And as I said, if we have other male friends who are single, we talk a lot about women when everyone is single. It's an obvious top interest we have. Take that away, and how would we stay close with our friends? It's like taking away mutual interest in sports or music.

 

If you trust us, you should have no problem with it, and just as I told madde to do with joining in, you can use it to have fun with your bf.

 

ok so if you guys are together and talking, u talk about other chicks and stuff even if you have girlfiends?

if a friend of yours (a man) who was in a serious relationship said or texted something like this to you, you wouldn't find it weird?just fun?

 

No, not at all. Because I know how loyal my friends are. It's all harmless fun. If your bf is as close as you say, and he cheated, I'd say he deserves his face smashed in.

[xRJ85x]

Guys will talk about what they talk about when they are together. A lot of it is about guy talk. I'd be more concerned that he talks about other women being hot in front of you. Thats designed to make you feel threatened, and that's not good.

 

Quite the opposite actually. If the guy says it in front of you, it's exactly because he trusts you. It means he's not hiding it from you.

[madde09]

I do say suff sometimes, I mean I can find other chicks hot or like their dress and stuff and I can say that to him and I think thats whats made him feel he's able to say some stuff to me?or am I wrong?

I mean I can say for fun as well to him that I wanna marry Johnny Depp for example?and he wants to marry Charlize Theron(sorry spelling?) are these texts in the same line as that??

[D-Lish]

Quite the opposite actually. If the guy says it in front of you, it's exactly because he trusts you. It means he's not hiding it from you.

 

You don't get it. I am assuming you are a teenager or just not bright (or both).

 

If a person feels the need to bring up how attractive they find other people, while in a serious relationship- they are looking to bring their partner down. Make them feel threatened.

 

Only a tool would constantly bring up finding members of the opposite sex attractive to someone they claim to love. Only an insecure person would exhibit behaviour like this.

[xRJ85x]

You don't get it. I am assuming you are a teenager or just not bright (or both).

 

If a person feels the need to bring up how attractive they find other people, while in a serious relationship- they are looking to bring their partner down. Make them feel threatened.

 

Only a tool would constantly bring up finding members of the opposite sex attractive to someone they claim to love. Only an insecure person would exhibit behaviour like this.

 

You're missing the whole point. What's with all this "feeling the need to" talk? It's exactly why I said you're getting over-defensive, and frankly, showing insecurity yourself. I'm talking about a couple guys joking, that's all. Zero intention of hurting the other partner. Relationships are based primarily on trust. You can be perfect matches for each other, but if trust doesn't bridge it, you can watch that potential relationship go straight down. If it does hurt you, then clearly you need to go find someone who takes life more serious than the average person.

[xRJ85x]

I do say suff sometimes, I mean I can find other chicks hot or like their dress and stuff and I can say that to him and I think thats whats made him feel he's able to say some stuff to me?or am I wrong?

I mean I can say for fun as well to him that I wanna marry Johnny Depp for example?and he wants to marry Charlize Theron(sorry spelling?) are these texts in the same line as that??

 

Exactly. You're both just joking around harmlessly. You crack a couple of these jokes while out with a group of friends, and when you both go home alone at night you kiss and hold each other like there's nothing better in the world. As I told D-lish, don't take life to seriously or it'll bite you in the ass. I learned that lesson that hard way with one girl a few years ago. I got too defensive and possessive, and she basically said "I was being a bitch" behind my back to my friend. Looking back on it, I really was. It's been tough to get over, but once I started hanging out with more and more girls similar, I realized it was nothing but harmless fun.

[madde09]

yeah ok, I guess as long as it's just at that level it's fine, thank you both for your input I really appreciate it, but I do see when I read this thread myself that it's not such a serious issue, I dont wanna be the "jealous girlfriend",

[janie423]

Guys will talk about what they talk about when they are together. A lot of it is about guy talk. I'd be more concerned that he talks about other women being hot in front of you. Thats designed to make you feel threatened, and that's not good.

 

I agree with this post. A guy who talks about how hot other women are in front of you is berating you in a subtle way. It's disrespect. It's demeaning to the woman he is with.