ladyjane83 Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 ok, I have been talking to a guy from the internet for soooo long (7 months!) and we are finally meeting up next week!! Im so so excited but also so so nervous....dont want it to be a massive anti climax. I know people on here will say that you should talk to someone for that long without actually meeting and I know that...other people I have met online I have met up in person with after a couple of weeks, but this guy was the first person I started speaking to on there, and I was his first and so we were both quite new it it and nervous at the time, before I know it we had kind of turned into penpals. Anyway, I know we will get on well because we have been talking for so long and never run out of things to say...if anything emails are getting longer and longer. And funny, his messages literally make me laugh out loud. So I really am looking forward to actually meeting, but I am really nervous. More than any other first date! He lives about an hour away and initially he casually suggested that he is going to be in a city about half an hour away from mine this month for work, and so we should meet up for a drink. I said ok. Then turns out he isnt going there anymore so I just resigned to the fact that we were just going to stay as "penpals". Anyway....he messaged and said that we should still meet up anyway and so now he is coming to my city at the end of next week or next weekend...he said to just let him know whats good for me! I dont know what to suggest???? He has never been to my city before...I could suggest a day/evening thing for the weekend?? or just a drink during the week after work...which would be a fleeting meeting but less pressure than spending the day together?? I honestly was resigned to the fact that I had just found freindship with someone that wasnt actually going to go anywhere...but now he is making the effort to drive to my city, I want it to go perfectly! advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 My advice is good luck enjoy. In the future meet people a lot sooner then this... Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 ok, I have been talking to a guy from the internet for soooo long (7 months!) and we are finally meeting up next week!! Im so so excited but also so so nervous....dont want it to be a massive anti climax. I know people on here will say that you should talk to someone for that long without actually meeting and I know that...other people I have met online I have met up in person with after a couple of weeks, but this guy was the first person I started speaking to on there, and I was his first and so we were both quite new it it and nervous at the time, before I know it we had kind of turned into penpals. Anyway, I know we will get on well because we have been talking for so long and never run out of things to say...if anything emails are getting longer and longer. And funny, his messages literally make me laugh out loud. So I really am looking forward to actually meeting, but I am really nervous. More than any other first date! He lives about an hour away and initially he casually suggested that he is going to be in a city about half an hour away from mine this month for work, and so we should meet up for a drink. I said ok. Then turns out he isnt going there anymore so I just resigned to the fact that we were just going to stay as "penpals". Anyway....he messaged and said that we should still meet up anyway and so now he is coming to my city at the end of next week or next weekend...he said to just let him know whats good for me! I dont know what to suggest???? He has never been to my city before...I could suggest a day/evening thing for the weekend?? or just a drink during the week after work...which would be a fleeting meeting but less pressure than spending the day together?? I honestly was resigned to the fact that I had just found freindship with someone that wasnt actually going to go anywhere...but now he is making the effort to drive to my city, I want it to go perfectly! advice? Yes, firstly ignore the idiots whom you've heard suggesting quick online-to-offline meetings. The very best way to weed out the lowest forms of online life is to demand that they exercise a considerable attention span. The worst guys out there don't need to wait around for you, because there will be a line-up of girls waiting to be their next victims. Nextly, spend the next few days trying to bring each of your minds as near to 'accurate' in terms of what to expect upon first meeting in real life. If you tell him you're going to be wearing a pink polka-dotted and ruffled dress... then show up wearing exactly that. If you're going to be carrying a bright purple handbag, then show up with same. Find out what he'll be wearing... Next, since it is in your city, and you know the area and he doesn't... do a considerable job of planning the activities ahead of time, so that each of your minds can anticipate surroundings, and not be surprised about too much. The best element you'll share is each side knowing the pawns in the life of the other, so that you'll both know what sorts of questions to ask when trying to fill any dead air. Finally, go to the first meeting with confidence, and relax and enjoy your time together. (**do meet in a public place, and travel separately (or via public transport) during your time together unTIL such time as when you are confident he is authentic) Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 I spoke to a guy for over a year that I met on POF just as he was heading off to Australia. We had the most amazing online chemistry. We kept in constant touch, clicked so well over msn and e-mail. When he returned and we actually met, I was so disappointed. He was nothing like I hoped and expected. My advice is not to go into the meeting with "over-expectations". I was so sure, and I was so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyjane83 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 So it is happening tonight!!! He is coming to my city, I said I would try and think of somewhere that will be easy for him to find and let him know. I have a nervous sicky feeling in my tummy! I have had 2 peices of advice from friends...both conflicting and was wondering what people thought.... Friend 1: Go with NO EXPECTATIONS....if I dont expect much and go with the frame of mind that nothing will come of it, then I wont be dissappointed, and then if it turns out well it will be a bonus (I find it really hard to have NO expectations after so long) Friend 2: All about positive thinking (she has been reading the book called 'the secret') if I dont expect much then I wont get much, but if I go into it thinking it is going to be great then it will be. hmmmm. thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Yes, firstly ignore the idiots whom you've heard suggesting quick online-to-offline meetings. The very best way to weed out the lowest forms of online life is to demand that they exercise a considerable attention span. The worst guys out there don't need to wait around for you, because there will be a line-up of girls waiting to be their next victims. Someone disagreeing with how you think things should work does not make them idiots. There are plenty of creeps looking for their next "victim' in the real world too. Plenty of decent guys don't have to wait around that, and might not. Women aren't the only ones who can get their attention snagged by someone else who isn't taking too long. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Frankly, I wouldn't meet anyone one-on-one before 1-2 months of regular conversation online. Unless it's someone I've known IRL before - been friends with in the past but hadn't seen them for years, etc. Besides the fact that a guy who REALLY felt chemistry with you on his end would be willing to wait a couple of months to meet up, there's way too many frauds and creeps pretending to be someone else online. Waiting reduces the risk, because they usually just move on to easier targets. As for expectations, I think you shouldn't go in with astronomical expectations but you should also keep up a positive mindset. Get it? Don't expect him to be EXACTLY how you picture him to be, because he won't be, trust me. But that doesn't mean he can't be great as himself. So go in with the mindset of having a good time with a friend, with the possible potential of something more. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Please let a friend of family member know where you will be, when you will be back, and give them a way to contact you while you're with this guy. Safety first. Otherwise, enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
BobSacamento Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 It usually takes generally 2 weeks for me to get the offline meet. I usually don't give specific time or date. Not that I want them to set the date but give them opportunity to give me a general idea of how they are feleing. If I get: "Yes definitely." That's a sure thing and do it within a week. "Yes I would but I'm going to be busy with work for a little bit." They are still feeling me out. 7 Months is a long flipping time for me haha. I'd be afraid she'll think I'm not into her if I don't ask her out. Link to post Share on other sites
Popeye_Jones Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Congrats to you. Trust me, I would LOVE to meet someone and it ONLY take seven months. I have done without so long, I am starting to know how men who have been locked up in prison feel. I am sick and ****ing tired of it, but, enough of my rant, this is your thread, so best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
marsle85 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 sooooooooooooooooooooo?????? What's the update? Link to post Share on other sites
VertexSquared Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Yep, go in with no expectations -- idealizing someone will only make things worse. People in person are always different, but that doesn't mean you won't still be pleasantly surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
Haruka Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 All I can say is good luck hun, there is some horror stories and then there is stories that make one go gooey. Well just wait and see what you guys can go and do. What attractions are there in your city. Perhaps go and take them out and enjoy each other's company. Act just like yourself when your with him. Good Luck and hope you have a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 (edited) Posted in error, meant to start a new thread. Edited May 4, 2010 by LakesideDream Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyjane83 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Share Posted May 4, 2010 so we went for a drink to a bar in town, sat outside where it was nice and quiet and just had a chat. The verdict.... it was ok. not good, not bad, just ok. He was really really nervous and shy, I could tell. which was quite sweet but meant that he wasnt very good with starting conversation which made it difficult to get to know him properly, but when he was in conversation he was nice and funny. looked just like I thought so wasnt disappointed there. I dont know....if he was just a guy that I met ans we went out I would probably have thought it was a really good date, but I think that subconsciously with him I was expecting fireworks which werent there. Will see if he wants to see me again I suppose.... Link to post Share on other sites
Kaplan Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 Just a thought, but maybe he was just nervous since you guys have known each other without meeting for seven months. I mean, if he had only known you for a few hours, perhaps he wouldn't have been so nervous? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyjane83 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Share Posted May 4, 2010 oh yeah definitly...I was way more nervous about this date than other guys I have been out with for that exact reason, so yeah like I said I think it was quite sweet that he was so nervous...but it just made it difficult to get to know him properly. In his emails he comes across and really confident and witty and I definitly saw some of that side of him last night once I had got him into conversation etc...so maybe it would be better next time if he isnt so nervous? I know the personality from his emails in in there somewhere!! Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 And therein lies the problem of carrying out prolonged cyber-dating. Your expectations were far higher than could have possibly been achieved. You said you would normally have considered it a good date, so do it again and see what it's like when you guys are more comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 which was quite sweet but meant that he wasnt very good with starting conversation which made it difficult to get to know him properly, but when he was in conversation he was nice and funny. You have been writing and chatting with him for seven months... Don't you think you already know him a little? what I mean is... Why would you base "knowing him" solely on the one night you two actually met in person rather than on the contacts you two previously had? Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted May 4, 2010 Share Posted May 4, 2010 Because people are their actions, not their words. Just because it is in text that does not make it true. Link to post Share on other sites
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