My own porn thread...yellow flag? Red? Neither?

[New Again]

Night #1: We have sex.

Morning after: We have sex.

 

That day he mentions to me that he's going to run errands. He goes home and looks at porn.

 

Night #2: We don't have sex (he didn't seem to want to, but I wasn't aggressive about it...).

 

I know that this is just one incident, but I think it's weird that he went home in the middle of the day to jerk off, when he knew I was coming over again that night, and it's not like we don't have sex...

[Jersey Shortie]

Most of the men here are going to tell you it's normal and you should be happy that at the very least he isn't out banging other women because men want to spread their seed and it's only right that they act on everything they feel in their penis.

 

They don't care about you or your feelings and opinion on it. They just care that your man will get to have his consistant stream of sex and porn.

[ADF]

Jerking off--whether to porn or not--and having sex have nothing to do with each other. One does not stand in for the other. Men jerk off (and watch porn) no matter how much sex they're having.

[New Again]

Most of the men here are going to tell you it's normal and you should be happy that at the very least he isn't out banging other women because men want to spread their seed and it's only right that they act on everything they feel in their penis.

 

They don't care about you or your feelings and opinion on it. They just care that your man will get to have his consistant stream of sex and porn.

 

I kind of am suspicious of getting those responses also, as I have read other threads on this....was hoping that the fact that he left work to go home and jerk off would get some more thoughtful answers, as opposed to just saying "it's only porn, stop being so insecure...":o

[New Again]

Jerking off--whether to porn or not--and having sex have nothing to do with each other. One does not stand in for the other. Men jerk off (and watch porn) no matter how much sex they're having.

 

Well I can't help but feel that the reason we didn't have sex is because he wasn't in the mood after jerking off...which I actually think is inconsiderate of him, since he knew I was coming over.

 

But also, the thought popped into my head that he might be addicted to porn...I mean, who goes home in the middle of the day from work to do that?

[Rearden Metal]

Only speaking for myself, but I can "perform" several times a day and jerking off has zero effect on it.

 

Not that I'd make a trip specifically to watch porn, but porn generally makes it easier and quicker to take care of bizniss.

 

Now, I can't remember EVER turning down sex (I'm talking about when in a relationship). Although, I don't always initiate everynight.

 

I guess what I'm saying is for me, one wouldn't be related to the other (no sex that night, porn that day).

[phineas]

People really should learn the meaning of the word addiction before they start tossing it around.

[silic0ntoad]

People really should learn the meaning of the word addiction before they start tossing it around.

 

Agreed. I'd bet he was just stressed out and wanted to blow some steam.

 

Yes, I am going to say it; it's not a big deal. Totally natural. Since when does waxing your carrot to some good ole fashioned stag films mean you're addicted? He wasn't looking it up on the phone while you were there. Granted, the time of day is odd, but I have some guys where I work that do it on company time in the stalls. Weird, but it happens.

 

Porn is a fantasy world that doesn't take away from how a man views a women. When will women get that?

[Jersey Shortie]

But also, the thought popped into my head that he might be addicted to porn...I mean, who goes home in the middle of the day from work to do that?

 

Not cemented but it's possible. There is a level and accessabilty to porn today that's changed the playing field. In truth, people are spending more time consuming more porn. It's highly addictive and easily to hide. two bad combinations. I suspect more men are addicted to porn then care to admit even to themselves.

 

We don't have weekly porn topics because it' s a non-issue.

[CrissyQ]

No matter how much sex a guy gets,it is still common for him to jerk off to porn,doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong in bed.

[ADF]

Well I can't help but feel that the reason we didn't have sex is because he wasn't in the mood after jerking off...which I actually think is inconsiderate of him, since he knew I was coming over.

 

But also, the thought popped into my head that he might be addicted to porn...I mean, who goes home in the middle of the day from work to do that?

 

I'll say it again: the two have nothing to to with each other. And porn "addiction" is a myth. Don't listen to the anti-porn zealots who liken looking at porn to injecting heroin or smoking crack. It is an idiotic comparison put forward by people who are personally offended by porn, who hate and fear male sexuality, who feel entitled to tell men what they may or may not be turned on by.

 

Isn't is funny how the anti-porn crowd will say, "yeah, men will tell you it's normal, but don't believe them?" I would think if you actually wanted to understand men's behavior with regards to porn, you might care to listen to what they had to say. But no. We men don't get to say anything. Most of the time, they don't even ask us. If they do, and we say something that doesn't fit in with their neo-Puritan world view, they just say we're lying. These people are on an ideological crusade. They don't care what the truth is.

 

Here's the way to solve your problem: he needs to pretend he doesn't look at porn put of respect for your feelings, and you need to pretend to believe him out of respect for his.

[New Again]

People really should learn the meaning of the word addiction before they start tossing it around.

One of his roommates has also commented on his porn-viewing habits.

[silic0ntoad]

One of his roommates has also commented on his porn-viewing habits.

 

 

Is this roommate male? If so, he is saying so to dissuade interest on your behalf because he wants to bang you.

 

If the roommate is female, it's to dissuade interest on your behalf so she can bang him.

 

Quite simple really.

 

GUYS WATCH PORN.

[New Again]

Here's the way to solve your problem: he needs to pretend he doesn't look at porn put of respect for your feelings, and you need to pretend to believe him out of respect for his.

 

Please note that I have not stated once in this thread that my issue is whether or not he looks at porn.

 

My issue is how his porn-viewing affects me and our relationship. He specifically called me as he was leaving work to tell me that he was going to run errands, so he wouldn't have to do them later, cutting into our time together. This is an issue because we are both very busy people. Instead of doing his errands, he went home and looked at porn. When I came over, I discovered that I was going to have to chill for a bit while he did them.

 

Second, I can't believe I have men telling me that sex isn't important in a relationship - there is no doubt in my mind that he was not in the mood for sex because he looked at porn recently.

 

And also, think about what is involved in leaving work, then going back to work...it's weird to go through that effort and aggrevation for porn. It took him nearly 2 hrs commuting.

Edited March 23, 2010 by New Again

[New Again]

Is this roommate male? If so, he is saying so to dissuade interest on your behalf because he wants to bang you.

 

If the roommate is female, it's to dissuade interest on your behalf so she can bang him.

 

Quite simple really.

 

GUYS WATCH PORN.

 

His roommate is a gay male, who did not tell me, he told my bf, who told me.

 

AGAIN THIS IS NOT A THREAD ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT VIEWING PORN IS ACCEPTABLE.

[silic0ntoad]

His roommate is a gay male, who did not tell me, he told my bf, who told me.

 

AGAIN THIS IS NOT A THREAD ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT VIEWING PORN IS ACCEPTABLE.

 

 

I don't understand how it's cutting into your relationship. Because he didn't sleep with you the next day? TBH, I sometimes just don't feel like having sex. Yes, that's coming from a guy. Sexuality is a requirement in any relationship, but sometimes we just aren't in the mood. The pendulum swings both ways.

 

If it's happening on a regular, frequent basis, then I would say that you should bring it up. If this is a one off thing, then let it go.

[New Again]

I don't understand how it's cutting into your relationship. Because he didn't sleep with you the next day? TBH, I sometimes just don't feel like having sex. Yes, that's coming from a guy. Sexuality is a requirement in any relationship, but sometimes we just aren't in the mood. The pendulum swings both ways.

 

If it's happening on a regular, frequent basis, then I would say that you should bring it up. If this is a one off thing, then let it go.

 

When you don't feel like sex, does that mean you don't feel like sex of any kind? You would even turn down a blow job and freedom from doing anything but laying back and enjoying it?

[silic0ntoad]

New Again, they really just don't care. They don't care that you have this problem. All they care about is that your man, someone that they never even talked to online or in real life, still gets his porn and gets to bone you whenever *he* wants. Most of the guys here could careless about anything else. Because this is utlimately what is most important to them.

 

 

That's got to be one of the most sexist statements I've seen here.

 

IIRC, I've specifically said I would beat on some of the guys who do stuff to the girls that post on the forums here.

 

This isn't some type of gender unity war, simply put, it's a difference in mindset (natural) between men and women as a social whole.

 

Do I think it's a big deal? No, unless it is a recurring nightmare that she deals with on an every other day basis. Do I think she is overreacting? A bit, yes. Porn and men's sexuality are deeply ingrained within each other. We are supposed, once in a relationship, to be emasculated slaves in the eyes of some women, and she asked for an opinion, which I stated from a male's perspective.

 

If you disagree, that's fine, but it's the truth; unless it's causing a significant problem (recurring theme) in the relationship (Which she hasn't specifically stated it has) then she is overreacting. Labelling someone as an addict is quite harsh. I've seen and known addicts. My brother is a cocaine addict.

[New Again]

New Again, they really just don't care. They don't care that you have this problem. All they care about is that your man, someone that they never even talked to online or in real life, still gets his porn and gets to bone you whenever *he* wants. Most of the guys here could careless about anything else. Because this is utlimately what is most important to them.

 

I see that I should've just learned what to expect from others' past threads. Nothing new here....it almost seems to me that some people are being deliberately obtuse, but maybe that's just because I see a distinction in what I'm asking that they really don't understand.

 

Ah well. My mistake for posting about porn

[ADF]

I can't believe I have men telling me that sex isn't important in a relationship - there is no doubt in my mind that he was not in the mood for sex because he looked at porn recently.

 

Look, if you are determined to believe this no matter what, why even bother asking for anyone's opinion? Believe what you like.

 

Your distinction between the fact of his viewing porn and the way his viewing porn affects you is a false one. They're same thing. The truth is you just don't like the fact he looks at porn, period. End of story.

 

Well, guess what? He's gonna keep looking at porn. All men look at porn. Being turned on by explicit sexual imagery is a normal part of being male. It doesn't matter if a man is gay or straight--he's gonna watch porn sometimes. And looking at porn is something no man ever should ever feel ashamed of nor apologize for.

 

What he can do, out of respect for your feelings, is hide his porn viewing from you. If you get as huffy with him about this as you are right now, believe me, you'll never catch him watching porn again.

[New Again]

Look, if you are determined to believe this no matter what, why even bother asking for anyone's opinion? Believe what you like.

 

Your distinction between the fact of his viewing porn and the way his viewing porn affects you is a false one. They're same thing. The truth is you just don't like the fact he looks at porn, period. End of story.

 

Well, guess what? He's gonna keep looking at porn. All men look at porn. Being turned on by explicit sexual imagery is a normal part of being male. It doesn't matter if a man is gay or straight--he's gonna watch porn sometimes. And looking at porn is something no man ever should ever feel ashamed of nor apologize for.

 

What he can do, out of respect for your feelings, is hide his porn viewing from you. If you get as huffy with him about this as you are right now, believe me, you'll never catch him watching porn again.

This is a deliberately obtuse and stubborn post ADF.

 

You chose to ignore the biggest reason I see this issue as having affected me, which was in the same post as one you are referring to here.

[Rearden Metal]

New Again, they really just don't care. They don't care that you have this problem. All they care about is that your man, someone that they never even talked to online or in real life, still gets his porn and gets to bone you whenever *he* wants. Most of the guys here could careless about anything else. Because this is utlimately what is most important to them.

 

Whaaaaat? Seriously? That's what you get from our replies?

[silic0ntoad]

When you don't feel like sex, does that mean you don't feel like sex of any kind? You would even turn down a blow job and freedom from doing anything but laying back and enjoying it?

 

 

You got it. When I am not in the mood, I don't want anything, of any kind, in that aspect. It happens. We are human, us men-things, and sometimes we don't want to have sex. It's perfectly normal.

[Bejita463]

If I decide I want to service myself, it is going to happen whether I look at porn or not, and whether I am in a relationship or not. It would have absolutely no impact on my partner unless I were actively and consistently choosing masturbation over sex. Even in that event, porn would only be peripheral; the problem would be present even if porn was not.

[Jersey Shortie]

I see that I should've just learned what to expect from others' past threads. Nothing new here....it almost seems to me that some people are being deliberately obtuse, but maybe that's just because I see a distinction in what I'm asking that they really don't understand.

 

Ah well. My mistake for posting about porn

Nahh, no mistake on your part. You wanted help. Nothing wrong with that. It's just funny that all the comments that followed mine where true to form.

 

New Again, talk to your guy though and ask him what is going on. Might make you feel better. I don't know.

 

That's got to be one of the most sexist statements I've seen here.

 

No it's not. It's true. The responses that followed prove that. What you guys care about is that he gets to still look at porn and maintain easy access to the woman still. In this case, New Again.

 

IIRC, I've specifically said I would beat on some of the guys who do stuff to the girls that post on the forums here.

 

That's good but has nothing to do with this topic.

 

This isn't some type of gender unity war, simply put, it's a difference in mindset (natural) between men and women as a social whole.

 

Closer to the truth is you don't want it to be an issue because it goes against your personal gratification at having porn and a real partner that is there for you. It matters not how a woman might feel.

 

Do I think she is overreacting? A bit, yes.

 

I think New Again thinks your overreacting too so no worries there.

 

Porn and men's sexuality are deeply ingrained within each other.

 

If that's true, that's not healthy Dude.

 

We are supposed, once in a relationship, to be emasculated slaves in the eyes of some women....

 

Who said anything about you being a slave? Not looking at porn makes it slave status? Huh?

 

I guess women are suppose to be defeminizied slaves in the eyes of men that anything a man feels in his penis overules everything else. Be honest, that's what your main arguement is and justification no matter what rational you use. You do not care what her problem is. You only care that the man still be able to use porn and her when he needs/feels it. That's what your opinion boils down to. Tell me I am wrong LOL and why.

 

 

If you disagree, that's fine, but it's the truth; unless it's causing a significant problem (recurring theme) in the relationship (Which she hasn't specifically stated it has) then she is overreacting. Labelling someone as an addict is quite harsh. I've seen and known addicts. My brother is a cocaine addict.

 

Actually, isn' the fact that she came here with a question reason enough to safely say it's caused a problem? Or is the guy in the relationship the only one allowed to call out on what a problem is or isn't allowed to be?

 

I didn't say he was an addict. i said that more men are addicted to porn then they care to admit to themselves. Your brother's problems habit is expensive and he has to leave his house to get it. And the cocaine triggers a reaction in his braind. You don't have to leave yoru house to get porn. It's completely free and totally annomous and ironically, it causes the same reactors and stimulators in your head that drug use does. That makes it 10 times mroe dangerous and 10 times more easily hidden.

 

Think of how productive men would be if they spent that time to something mroe worth while then downloading porn.

 

Lets jsut be honest. Women are worthless and have no right to ask for anything in a realtionship. Men are wonderful and can do whatever they need to satisfy their needs. Even if it's with and industry that treats women liek crude.