who pays

[Kris30]

I'm sure there are many different views on this, but I am a pretty traditional gal. I think the guy (being the pursuer) should pay for dates. So I've been unapollogetically just letting him pay and plan to continue to do so. Don't some people still do this??

[SaintDragon]

For the first dates, yes, the guy should pay. He's trying to "wooo" the girl and he has to make a good impression. I mean how far will he get if after dinner he says "Hey babe, I'm a Little low on coin, you got this"?

 

I would never make her pay for the date..no freakin way. If I didn't have any money I wouldn't even go on dates in the first place...Nothing wooos a girl more than "I have no money, no car, no ambition"

 

Now after a while if you are still steady...then sure the lady could pick up the tab. For the first dates?....All guy.

[DustySaltus]

I'm sure there are many different views on this, but I am a pretty traditional gal. I think the guy (being the pursuer) should pay for dates. So I've been unapollogetically just letting him pay and plan to continue to do so. Don't some people still do this??

 

Until what point..........always?

 

Is that a very important thing to you?

[marsle85]

Yes. Yes. Yes. There is no question about it for me. People are overthinking the paying deal. If he is asking me out, he is asking to -take- me out. I am allowing him. If he wants to see me again, he can. If I were to ask him out- I'd pay. But I don't ask men out.

 

That's not to say I won't treat him occasionally, or buy him little things.

 

I may be wrong, but I grew up with my dad never allowing my mother or me to open a door.

 

This isn't negotiable for me.

[Jersey Shortie]

I agree with SaintDragon. Even in the early dates, if he picks up dinner, you can pick up the coffee another time, or the drinks, or the hotdog at the pick- your-choice-of-sporting-event-here. But a guy gets points for picking up the tab. Women want to be taken care of a bit and any man that is truly interested in you has no problem sharing his resources with you, within reason.

[paleblue]

for the first date yes i would pay for it. and if we go steady, after awhile i would expect us to either alternate, or split it, unless its a special occasion. or every once in awhile i will just pay for it anyway because i want to make her feel good : )

 

ive even had women pay for it on the first date, like me not even asking, they just paid for it before i had a chance to ask. i knew they liked me, it felt kinda weird them paying. maybe thats just because i am so used to doing it.

[SaintDragon]

I wouldn't want to be with a woman that insisted on paying for the first dates while she hands the waiter her card. Seems she would be the "I am woman hear me roar" type..I don't like that.

 

Truthfully and admittedly it would make me feel like less of a man.

[mrkleen]

I agree with SaintDragon. Even in the early dates, if he picks up dinner, you can pick up the coffee another time, or the drinks, or the hotdog at the pick- your-choice-of-sporting-event-here. But a guy gets points for picking up the tab. Women want to be taken care of a bit and any man that is truly interested in you has no problem sharing his resources with you, within reason.

 

Perfectly said.

 

My GF will pay for things on occasion - lunch - coffee - drinks at the baseball game after I paid for the tickets.

 

But for the most part, I have paid for every date - and I am happy about it. She is a great girl and I want her to know that I appreciate her and that she is special to me.

 

If a guy is too cheap to pay for most of the things he does with a girl - he is either clueless, cheap, or doesnt really like her that much...all of which are a bad sign.

[Tnerforireyeh]

oh goody we get to have this conversation again!

 

I do everything I can to make sure she doesn't see me as a sugar-daddy. I feel no obligation to pay, and if it appears a woman expects me to I'll bail real fast.

 

I've found that most women sort of wait to see what the guy will do. If he constantly offers to pay, she'll let him. If he makes it clear that he's no sugar daddy, she'll pick up the slack.

 

Usually I make it clear that I'll pay 50%. Actually I pay a little more since I usually pay the first time. If we're getting drinks I'll buy the first round. If she wants to continue seeing me she better pick up her share. I date a lot of girls and can't be spending it all in one place.

 

Plus, I usually screen women early on. If I get any hint that they feel entitled to my money or that they're "traditional," I won't waste one dime.

Edited March 22, 2010 by Tnerforireyeh

[mrkleen]

Plus, I usually screen women early on. If I get any hint that they feel entitled to my money or that they're "traditional," I won't waste one dime.

 

"Traditional" - you mean like women that have class and expect a man to act like a man?

 

At the end of the day if the women you date allow you to pull your cheap cad act on them....more power to you I suppose. But I cant think of one worthwhile woman that I have ever dated that would have been as impressed or fallen for me if I was a cheap b@stard in the beginning.

[monkeymaid]

i would never let her pay at first, but if she didnt offer, i would not be taking her out again. ...if the date is going bad though, i leave in the middle and she fronts the bill. ...sorry

[paleblue]

I wouldn't want to be with a woman that insisted on paying for the first dates while she hands the waiter her card. Seems she would be the "I am woman hear me roar" type..I don't like that.

 

Truthfully and admittedly it would make me feel like less of a man.

 

 

thats cool. to me its all good. it didnt make me feel any less of a man just because she slipped the waiter the card before i had a chance too. that kind of stuff doesnt bother me. i just took it as they were trying to impress me. they were saying - hey i am interested in you!! in no uncertain terms. i thought it was cute and bold of them. i am not worried about a woman trying to out man me. its not happening, unless of course she is a man dressed up like a woman:o , then who's paying is going to be the least of ourproblems!

[Jersey Shortie]

Perfectly said.

 

My GF will pay for things on occasion - lunch - coffee - drinks at the baseball game after I paid for the tickets.

 

But for the most part, I have paid for every date - and I am happy about it. She is a great girl and I want her to know that I appreciate her and that she is special to me.

 

If a guy is too cheap to pay for most of the things he does with a girl - he is either clueless, cheap, or doesnt really like her that much...all of which are a bad sign

 

Your girl is very luck Mrkleen. And I am in perfect agreement with you.

 

I will also do stuff like make him dinner sometimes instead of going out, clearly I pay for that, or picking him up little things I think he might like.

[Johnny M]

I'm sure there are many different views on this, but I am a pretty traditional gal. I think the guy (being the pursuer) should pay for dates. So I've been unapollogetically just letting him pay and plan to continue to do so. Don't some people still do this??

That's why I stay away from women who describe themselves as 'traditional'. It seems like it has become a code phrase for gold digger.

[Els]

"Traditional" - you mean like women that have class and expect a man to act like a man?

 

Uh, this is the guy that cancelled a first date when the girl even hinted that he wouldn't be getting sex then. What d'ya expect? :rolleyes:

[Jersey Shortie]

If you are a man that makes below 80k a year, the term "gold-digger" will never apply to any woman you date.

[Els]

I also find it interesting how most of the guys who want total equality in payment from the very first date, are the same guys who expect sex immediately. And then wonder why they don't get it.

 

C'mon, dude. Why would a woman want to be with you when there are plenty of guys who act gentlemanly and treat them, and don't expect sex on the first date?

[Woggle]

I am starting to realize that traditional women are not my cup of tea. I don't mind paying but if she is unwilling to do anything in return and just expects for me to do it then I would not be the man for her.

[Enema]

I have no interest in "traditional" women and am not a "traditional" man.

[Johnny M]

"Traditional" - you mean like women that have class and expect a man to act like a man?

 

At the end of the day if the women you date allow you to pull your cheap cad act on them....more power to you I suppose. But I cant think of one worthwhile woman that I have ever dated that would have been as impressed or fallen for me if I was a cheap b@stard in the beginning.

I can understand the self-serving responses from some of the female posters (I'm not gonna lie - if chicks wanted to 'take me out' and pay for my dinners and drinks, I'd probably let them...who doesn't like a freebie?), but the angry, chest pumping male responses like the one above amuse me to no end.

 

So, mrkleen, you are saying that I'm less of a man because women date me for who I am and because they enjoy my company - and not because I spend money on them and provide free food and entertainment? This is some funny sh*t. I've always been convinces that guys who believe that allowing a woman to pay for herself makes them less of a man are insecure as hell and deep down believe that they need to buy a woman's company because their wallet is more attractive than they are.

[Johnny M]

If you are a man that makes below 80k a year, the term "gold-digger" will never apply to any woman you date.

In case you haven't heard, we're in a recession. Everyone has to tighten their belt, even gold-diggers

[Jersey Shortie]

...but the angry, chest pumping male responses like the one above amuse me to no end.

 

You're a fine one to be talking about chest pumping male response.

 

So, mrkleen, you are saying that I'm less of a man because women date me for who I am and because they enjoy my company - and not because I spend money on them and provide free food and entertainment? This is some funny sh*t. I've always been convinces that guys who believe that allowing a woman to pay for herself makes them less of a man are insecure as hell and deep down believe that they need to buy a woman's company because their wallet is more attractive than they are.

 

Have you always only ever gone with a woman 100% for who they were strictly? No other factors ever came into play at all?

 

That's a serious question.

[sally4sara]

Its this "man pursues woman so he pays" vibe that I think is really unfair and princessy. Sure, you're going on this date is such a drain on your time and you have no desire to be there, meet someone you can potentially connect with, have a shot at love - no stake in it at all right ladies? He should be paying for you to even bother giving him your time!

 

Both people have just as much to prove when dating. And if the goal is a possible life partner and not just sex, your money will likely be combined if you are compatible. You should be learning whether or not you have compatible money management skills too. If your interest is just in sex, well that just makes him paying all the time seem a solicitation.

 

Its one thing if the two have a very uneven income and the one who makes more wants to go to a very pricey place. Then I could see it, but we are all just folks so why is one half of the folks being expected to act like the others parent for the night?

[Johnny M]

Have you always only ever gone with a woman 100% for who they were strictly? No other factors ever came into play at all?

 

That's a serious question.

Absolutely.

[Lovelybird]

Man should pay. If he doesn't want to be generous now, will he be generous after marriage? and after marriage, you will contribute unvaluable values to the marriage anyway.