AD1980 Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 Maybe im wrong but it seems like in looking for partners today people are looking for allot of things in a partner before love.. It seems as if dating has now reached an all time selfish high where a person is lookign for a laundry list of things a person must have so they can move up in life through their partner.. Im not saying people should have no standards and date anyone but maybe get off your checklists a little and perhaps you'd find the person who compliments you the msot if you didnt eleminate most of the dating pool right off the bat with your requirements.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 It seems as if dating has now reached an all time selfish high where a person is looking for a laundry list of things a person must have so they can move up in life through their partner.. Ain't that the truth... Kinda like using others to promote oneself in business. Stepping stones to success. The person who cares the least.... Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 Maybe im wrong but it seems like in looking for partners today people are looking for allot of things in a partner before love.. That's the way it was done for centuries. Looking for love first is a relatively new phenomenon, and I believe that this mindset is what breeds selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 I have had the same thought and it makes me sad. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 Agreed. I notice my own laundry list has doubled in size since two years ago. I have so much expectations it's ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 I don't think I expect a lot from a potential partner, and what I want still manages to thin my options considerably. Pesky things like wanting them to have something upstairs (not talking about chest size) seems to be threatening to enter me into the 'crazy cat lady' category. Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 People now look at dating as if their shopping at a Mall Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 +1. This is why silic0n is taking a break from dating. A long, long, loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong break. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr White Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 Today's relationships have the worst of both worlds: love understood as self-gratification + list of "requirements" for the same purpose (gratification). these are really the two sides of the same coin. It is saying that people are disposable as soon as something is not "doing it" for you . This is quite different from setting out to find a compatible partner for companionship and building a life together. this is much more conducive to actually ending up in a loving relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBella Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 I think it is important to look logically at your situation and THEN allow yourself to love a person. But maybe that's because I tried it the other way around and it turned out to be a disaster. In time, most intense "in love" feelings fade, and if you're left with nothing else, then the relationship is doomed. But if you have a deep friendship, compatible intellect and education, similar values, and similar interests, then your relationship might actually last. Link to post Share on other sites
blue.iris Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 I think it is important to look logically at your situation and THEN allow yourself to love a person. But maybe that's because I tried it the other way around and it turned out to be a disaster. In time, most intense "in love" feelings fade, and if you're left with nothing else, then the relationship is doomed. But if you have a deep friendship, compatible intellect and education, similar values, and similar interests, then your relationship might actually last. I have to agree with this. A lot of times, occupation is also a factor. I have yet to see a nuclear physicist dating a welder. Link to post Share on other sites
A O Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 It seems as if dating has now reached an all time selfish high where a person is lookign for a laundry list of things a person must have so they can move up in life through their partner.. Im not saying people should have no standards and date anyone but maybe get off your checklists a little and perhaps you'd find the person who compliments you the msot if you didnt eleminate most of the dating pool right off the bat with your requirements.. I see two issues here, one I'm in favour of (having a list of requirements), the other I'm not in favour of (using a partner to bolster one's circumstance). In terms of the former, there's far too many people entering into relationships with no set plan at all, so all n all, better to have a laundry list of requirements than none at all. . Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 Pshh we can get to love later, I need a Barbie doll- figured woman asap! Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I think it is important to look logically at your situation and THEN allow yourself to love a person. But maybe that's because I tried it the other way around and it turned out to be a disaster. In time, most intense "in love" feelings fade, and if you're left with nothing else, then the relationship is doomed. But if you have a deep friendship, compatible intellect and education, similar values, and similar interests, then your relationship might actually last. Agreed. Intense romantic/sexual love is amazing, but it has to have a basis in friendship, compatibility, and loyalty to last, and attempting to ensure practical compatibility is just that--practical. However, looking at a situation logically at the outset includes keeping your 'checklists' reasonable. And compatibility by itself will never make a healthy marriage, the spark, the love has to be there too. For my husband and I it was important to be with somebody compatible, not only with ourselves but with the kids in our lives. We needed to evaluate one another's parenting styles; financial responsibility was also important, integrity, various other traits. But overarcing all of these was love, the paramount quality--without love we would never have moved in together, we would not have married. My husband had women eager to move in and mother his daughter before he ever met me, a couple of whom had more lucrative careers than me or were younger or whatever, but--he didn't love them. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 A laundry list is much better than: "He loves me, he keeps telling me so." *sports two black eyes* Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Laundry list and healthy people-picker to implement it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Maybe im wrong but it seems like in looking for partners today people are looking for allot of things in a partner before love.... love doesn't pay the bills. its better to be objective when looking for a mate. basing your relationship/marriage on subjective baloney is more of a problem Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I was wondering when people would chime in on my side! Link to post Share on other sites
The Paper Knight Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Pesky things like wanting them to have something upstairs (not talking about chest size) seems to be threatening to enter me into the 'crazy cat lady' category. Thats a grail quest my LS camaraderie. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Love in the romantic sense is pretty much a dead concept these days. Link to post Share on other sites
The Paper Knight Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I was wondering when people would chime in on my side! I think for a man love should be down the list. First the woman needs to love you and want to raise your family. This way you know that they are committed and will not cheat, so that you can be certain you are raising your own children. Then the mistress comes into play, like your 42nd president, but you Americans frown at that arrangement. Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Love in the romantic sense is pretty much a dead concept these days. It was a non-existent concept for CENTURIES!!!!!!! People got married for social reasons, and/or practical reasons. NOW that people get married because they're "in love" (), divorce is at 50% because people are dumping each other because they're NOT "in love" anymore (:rolleyes:) Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I think for a man love should be down the list. First the woman needs to love you and want to raise your family. This way you know that they are committed and will not cheat, so that you can be certain you are raising your own children. Noooooooooo! Dude, if a woman is "in love" and that is her only reason for wanting to "raise your family", what the hell happens when she's NOT in love anymore (which is scientifically proven to happen within 2 years)? THAT is when affairs and divorce happen. Being in love should be at the bottom of the list, if it even makes an appearance. In order to get loyalty and commitment, you need to have similar values and so on. Not romantic love. Somehow I just managed to catch the last part of your post. Jesus H. Christ. It's called trust. You men are psychotic. I hope you are being facetious with that comment, but I somehow doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
The Paper Knight Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 In order to get loyalty and commitment, you need to have similar values and so on. Not romantic love. that to Somehow I just managed to catch the last part of your post. Jesus H. Christ. It's called trust. You men are psychotic. I hope you are being facetious with that comment, but I somehow doubt it. I am deadly serious and actually live it! You are talking about the past and marriage with alternate arrangements for social reasons, so it was quite normal to have a mistresses in some cultures, particularly the French and Japanese - its well documented. Do some home work on how many men raise other mens children its f'ing frightening! Why do you think men can get sooooo jealous??? Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 that to I am deadly serious and actually live it! You are talking about the past and marriage with alternate arrangements for social reasons, so it was quite normal to have a mistresses in some cultures, particularly the French and Japanese - its well documented. Do some home work on how many men raise other mens children its f'ing frightening! Why do you think men can get sooooo jealous??? Hmm, I've never had to deal with jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
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